The Birthday Boy - The Real Stephen Blatt (Episode 1)

- [Narrator] Fame, sacrifice, and lots of selfies.
- I'm gonna, I'm gonna do a really funny one.
- [Narrator] Stephen Blatt was your typical,
average high-schooler until he got a phone
for his 14th birthday.
Now, his life is anything but typical or average.
- Now I'm living the American dream.
- [Narrator] The full story tonight
on The Real Stephen Blatt.
(funky tech sounds montage)
- 'Sup, guys?
Just about to do an interview
with this lady, Lulu Taylor.
You guys know her, I know her,
and you're about to know more about me
than you coulda ever dreamed.
- Have you always been comfortable in front of a camera?
- Nah, actually, I used to be a huge dork.
- What made you, um, a dork?
- Oh man, I was just into all this dorky shit, you know?
Like hanging out with my family,
(loud celebrating)
playing the violin,
(violin scale)
learning about science and shit.
- Yeah?
Good.
- [Stephen] Spending quality time with my dad.
I was such a dork.
- That's great.
- It's great if you wanna be a dork.
(laughs)
- Well, I mean-
(laughs)
I mean, mm.
- I'm not playin'.
- Okay.
And when did all of that change?
- When did I stop being a dork?
- Yes.
- Two years ago, on my 14th birthday.
♫ Happy birthday, dear Stephen
- Me.
♫ Happy birthday to you
(kissing)
- I love you guys.
(blows loudly)
(family cheering)
- Your presents. - Your presents.
- Whoa, look, Dad.
It had been a pretty lame party up until then.
I had just gotten a dorky book about plankton
'cause I thought I wanted to be a marine biologist,
and then it happened, finally.
I was the last kid I knew to get one.
My parents had been such selfish dicks.
That's when all my dreams started to become, um...
- A reality? - Non-dreams.
(rapid texting)
- So, anything interesting happen at school today, bud?
Hey, how was that assembly with the astronaut?
(text sending)
- Honey, your father asked you a question.
- Huh?
No, no, I'm straight.
- What?
- You asked about Mark Frode?
- No, I asked about school.
- It was pretty chill, I guess.
Grant Maron tagged me in a photo.
He's got the third most Instagram
followers in the whole grade.
- Oh, way to go, pal.
That's pretty street.
- Stephen, did your dad tell you
about the baseball tickets he got for you?
- Baseball tickets?
To the Rays game this Friday night
in a box owned by my boss?
How the heck would I have been able to do that?
- I thought you told me-
- I'm just kidding.
I was gonna wait to see if the scores come up
on your next science test, but uh,
what the fuck, hm?
- Jim, language.
- Oops, my bad.
- Honey, does that sound like a fun thing to do?
- For your chat app?
- Stephen?
- Huh?
I'm straight.
- You're straight being yes?
Oh.
(shutter snaps)
(typing)
(baseball music) (audience applauds)
(bell rings)
- Hey, you guys seen that new app to blow shit up?
- Yeah, it's pretty tight.
- Yeah, but there's a better one.
Has actual body parts and stuff.
Other one's for pussies.
- Oh yeah, you can see little bits of brain stuff and-
- Hey, Stephen.
Science team starts up again on Monday,
and I haven't found anybody else to work
on that ocean acidification project,
so if you wanna rejoin, we could finish it.
- Yeah, Chris, I dunno if I have time
for science team this year.
It's like, my schedule's pretty tight.
Not tight like lit, but-
- (imitates siren) Dork alert.
What's your name?
Chris DiNilfo.
- Chris DiDorko.
(Stephen laughs)
Why you trying to get in my story, bro?
- Oh no, I was just, I was just-
- And what's up with you tagging me
in your lame family photos?
I'm not in your family.
We're not even friends, dude.
- I don't...
Yeah, but I thought you tagged me
in that photo you took in the cafeteria.
- When you try to tag your actual friend,
Stephen Blane, and you tag some dork
named Stephen Blatt instead,
and he's all faggy and happy about it.
No hate, though, and no tolerance for bullying.
Peace.
- Yo, will you tag me in that?
(rock music)
Gay Of Thrones S7 E6: Behind the Balls (with GLOW’s Kimmy Gatewood) English vs Spanish (w/ Germán Garmendia) I Flew 900 Miles For A Date Gay of Thrones S7 E5 Recap: Yeastwatch (with Bryan Safi) Neeventey Nenuunta Short Film ELDERS READ LORDE’S HIT SONGS (React) Heartbreaking Story of This Morning Producer Left With Brain Damage Due to Nut Allergy Overly Excited Tourist Goes Wild In San Francisco Questlove Tells Us How F*cked Up It Is To Not Care About The Environment Food For Thought

The Birthday Boy - The Real Stephen Blatt (Episode 1)

Latest Posts