The Late Show's 'WTF Is Up With Millennials?'

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
AND NOW, BECAUSE YOU ASKED FOR IT, AND BY "YOU," I MEAN MATTHEW
McCONAUGHEY, "THE LATE SHOW" IS PROUD TO PRESENT "FORECAST"
FROM "EXIT 57".
♪ ♪
♪ >> WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PAPER
YOU RUNNING AROUND HERE?
>> YOU WETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH, MERKIN.
YOU'RE ALREADY AT THE TOP OF MY LIST.
>> FINE.
THEN WHY DON'T YOU PRINT THAT?
AT LEAST IT MIGHT HAVE SOME SHRED OF REALITY TO IT.
>> WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM THIS TIME?
>> WHAT'S MY PROBLEM?
THIS RIGHT HERE IS MY PROBLEM.
I WRITE "SUNNY WITH A SLIGHT CHANCE OF RAIN" AND YOU, WITH
YOUR AMAZING LET'S-SCREW-THE-FORECAST
ATTITUDE, CHANGE IT TO "POSSIBLE SHOWERS," AND IT MAKES ME LOOK
BAD.
>> WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
>> WHAT'S MY POINT?
COME ON, THIS IS MY POINT.
I WRITE "INTERMITTENT SHOWERS," AND YOU PUT "THUNDERSTORMS."
OH, YOU'RE A SENSATIONALIST.
YOU KNOW, WHATEVER'S GONNA SELL A FEW MORE PAPERS.
THAT'S WHAT YOU WRITE.
>> YOU'RE WAY OUT OF LINE, MERKIN.
>> OH, REALLY?
AM I WAY OUT OF LINE?
>> Stephen: YES.
IS THIS RIGHT HERE OUT OF LINE?
WHAT DUD I DO?
I WRITE "HOT AND HUMID" AND YOU PUT "HEAT WAVE."
YEAH, WHATEVER'S GONNA SELL A FEW MORE PAPERS, THAT'S YOUR
GIG!
( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF YOU WOULD TAKE ONE MINUTE TO LOOK OUT OF THIS CORNER OFFICE
WINDOW THAT YOU FEEL YOU SO RICHLY DESERVE, YOU MIGHT SEE
THAT IT IS SUNNY WITH A SLIGHT CHANCE OF RAIN.
>> THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN POSSIBLE SHOWERS AND SLIGHT
CHANCE OF RAIN.
SO LET'S GET OFF THIS MY-WORDS-ARE-GOLDEN KICK AND GET
BACK TO OUR DESK, MR. HEMINGWAY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> SLIGHT CHANCE AND POSSIBLE
ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, OR DIDN'T THEY TEACH YOU THAT IN
YOUR I'M-THE-EDITOR-I-GET-TO-TAKE-OUT
-RUN-ON-SENTENCES- AND-USE-OTHER-WORDS-TO-DESCRIBE-
THINGS CLASS, MR. E.B. WHITE?
>> YOU'RE REALLY PUSHING IT, MERKIN!
>> REALLY?
PUSHING?
OR SHOVING?
IF THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "SLIGHT CHANCE" AND
"POSSIBLE" THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU CHANGE IT?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
GUESS I FELT I WAS TRYING TO HELP, THAT'S ALL.
>> DAMN IT, WHEELER.
WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR OVER 15 YEARS.
WE CAN'T LET SOMETHING LIKE THIS COME BETWEEN OUR RELATIONSHIP,
OUR FRIENDSHIP.
( LAUGHTER ) >> WHAT HAVE I BECOME?
AM I A MONSTER?
HAVE I TURNED INTO THAT WHICH I MOST REVILE?
OH, GOD, TOM, I'M SORRY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> DON'T PUT IT ALL ON YOURSELF.
IT'S MY FAULT, TOO.
YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST DAY AFTER YOU HIRED ME?
>> YEAH.
YOU WERE SO YOUNG.
>> YOU PULLED ME ASIDE AND YOU SAID, "TOM, I WANT YOU TO DO
WHATEVER IT TAKES TO REPORT THE WEATHER," AND I DID.
UI DID.
YOU GAVE A SMALL TOWN BOY FROM TENNESSEE HIS DREAM ABOUT THE
WEATHER.
( LAUGHTER ) >> I'M THROUGH HERE.
IT'S TIME TO GO.
I'M RESIGNING.
I HAD NO RIGHT.
BUT BEFORE I GO, I'M GOING TO PRINT A RETRACTION IN TOMORROW'S
PAPER.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU YOUR "SUNNY WITH A SLIGHT CHANCE OF
RAIN."
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOUR INTEGRITY, YOUR RESPECT, AND
YOUR PRIDE.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO CLEAN OUT MY DESK.
>> HANG ON, WHEELER.
IF YOU GO, I GO.
>> THEN I'LL STAY.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU'RE THE BEST THERE IS AND
THIS PAPER'S LUCKY TO HAVE YOU ( LAUGHTER )
DAMN LUCKY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: "THE DARK TOWER" IS IN THEATERS THIS FRIDAY.
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY, EVERYBODY!

The Late Show's 'WTF Is Up With Millennials?'

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