Tony Robbins: How to Conquer Your Emotions ( Tony Robbins Emotional )

Today's focus is on how to eliminate self-sabotage you know when I talk to
people about succeeding in their lives really making their goals and dreams a
reality invariably they say you know I really go
for it but just somehow managed to screw things up for myself just what I'm about
to really make things happen all of a sudden whammo I don't show up for a key
meeting or I say the wrong thing or I treat somebody mean I just don't follow
through and I don't understand it I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself
in this way hey sabotage only comes for one reason and we said this over and
over again and we're going to keep saying it because it is the foundation
to understanding human behavior if you're sabotaging yourself it means
you're stopping yourself from falling through right why would you do that take
a wild guess because you associate more pain to following through you're
sabotaging yourself as a way of stopping yourself from doing something you think
on some level is going to create a lot of pain in your life now some people
think succeeding is going to create pain it's going to make sure they feel alone
or separate from other people remember we've talked about this so as they start
to get close to succeeding wham-o they sabotage why because their brain notices
that hey the more I succeed people around me don't seem to get too jazzed
about it when I fail to call come here gosh let me talk to you how's it going
but when they succeed to go yeah easy for you buddy well with that kind of
conditioning no wonder people sabotage we've got to take control back and the
way we take control back again as we've done over the last two tapes of
conditioning ourselves is to change our associations to the thing that we're
sabotaging now let me bring up another point that I think is equally maybe even
more important that is this a lot of us jump to conclusions about sabotage and a
lot of people say well gosh you know I just keep sabotaging my success and when
I say to them as are you sabotaging your success or are you just doing stupid
things so what I mean by that is not everything you do that takes away from
your possibility of succeeding as a result of self-sabotage sometimes just
make poor decisions and you don't want to start making up in your head that
there's this giant pattern dominating your life and a lot of people do that
for example this woman at a seminar recently stood up and she said well gosh
I just sabotage myself all the time I said what do you mean she's
well you know like the other day she said I was late for work for the second
time I said well what does that mean she goes well I was late and that screws
things up I must be sabotaging myself I saw maybe it just got caught up and what
you were doing so now I think I sabotage myself I said well why else she said
well because not only was I late but also I forgot some of my things at home
so I wasn't just late I left my books at home so I couldn't had conduct the
appropriate meeting I know are sabotaging I said what happened does
this happen she goes well I don't know maybe once or twice a month I said well
maybe ma'am you're not self sabotaging maybe you're just not paying attention I
mean so be careful about generating this as a generalization in your mind does
that make sense don't get caught up and creating a belief system well maybe
something's not there on the other hand if you do have a pattern realize that
any pattern you have including self sabotage still comes back to one thing
human beings no matter what we're doing including sabotaging ourselves we do it
for a positive intent I want you to get that anything we do we do for a positive
intent for example if you smoke cigarettes you're not doing it to try
and create cancer in your body and destroy yourself that's not the intent
the intent is your brain long ago linked up hey if I'm bored or if I'm frustrated
or if I'm feeling some kind of pain of some sort that this is a way to distract
myself this is literally a way to get rid of the pain and create some pleasure
that's what your brain is learn to do so the intent of smoking is not to try and
sabotage you to sabotage the physical sabotage that obviously cigarettes
create for us is not about creating sabotage it's about creating pleasure
and avoiding pain do you follow me we do the same thing with alcohol we do the
same thing I've used drugs you do the same thing if you watch TV too much you
do the same thing if you don't show up for meetings there is always a positive
intent your brain is trying to do something that's good for you in the
form of avoiding pain and getting pleasure so what's the challenge well
the challenge is in our lives we many times sabotage ourselves because we've
got this approach avoidance thing you've heard me talk about so much in these
tapes where we have mixed neural associations where we sabotage a
relationship why on the one side remember we've linked
pleasure if I get a relationship that's going to be so great others personal
loves me and I can be with this person and we can share so much of life
together and yet on the other hand we've had experiences where it's meant pain
and so our brain fries we start to go in the relationship it seems good and then
all of a sudden our brain goes oh but that might mean pain and also we get
these mixed sensations or a brain doesn't know is it going to mean pain or
is it going to be pleasure when our brain doesn't know it stops everything
it tries to stop the process of progress does that make sense I give you a
classic example I was reading in a book of an example of how our associations
can drive us crazy and what it talked about was an experiment that was done
with rhesus monkeys where they put him in a special cage and what they did is
in the cage they put red yellow and green squares well after several days
the experimenter set it up so that the red squares in the cage gave off
intermittent shocks that will cause the monkey immediate pain well you can
imagine the monkey became pretty anxious and pretty soon and learn to avoid the
red squares in almost any cost well next the experiment had caused the
red and the yellow squares to give off intermittent shocks and the monkey began
to act as if he was a manic-depressive why because no matter where he went he
seemed to get pain no matter what he tried he tried we thought would work
tried what he didn't work he's got pain he started to alternate between hyper
anxiety and depression and withdrawal the monkey soon learned to avoid the red
and the yellow squares and then all the squares were electrified what a little
monkey began to bite itself to beat its head against the bars to defecate on
itself you might say little monkey been driven crazy now that's a horrible
example and I have absolute contempt for that kind of abuse of animals or people
but what I also want to point out is that this is exactly what some people do
to each other this is exactly what some people do in their own head some people
create this experimental cage in their brain where they literally begin to link
pain to everything in life we are the ones that create the connections that
were the ones that establish the shocks because no matter what happens in your
life what you associate the things is your choice and at least after this
program it is you don't have to be at the effect if you notice that you've
begun to wire the relation chips a red square called pain you can
get rid of it because you can know that that is a generalization not all
relationships equal pain and so you've got to eliminate those negative
associations otherwise you create your own experimental box and you pay the
ultimate price that never needs to happen to you you have the skills in
this program and if you're not sure about them listen to a tape again and
apply them you can take those experiences that were painful and use
the eraser technique and destroy it so you don't ever associate pain again
to a relationship maybe you can even get it worth so much humorous or you've at
least learn something or you can ask yourself better questions and say okay
it may have felt painful then but that was only one relationship and what did I
learn so I won't have pain in the future it's not all red squares are painful if
that one was and what can I learn from it so the next red square is pleasurable
or so I can rewire the red square so it supports me I just finished doing a date
with destiny seminar this last weekend before I did this taping with you and
the interesting thing happened as a man walked up to me and he said mr. Robbins
and I think I should tell you before we begin that I'm into self-sabotage that's
what I really it sounds pretty exciting he like anything is a what I what am i
doing I just interrupted this pattern a little bit said to break it up he said
well no I'm serious I said well I can see you're very serious I said what do
you mean he said well for the last few years I've been working very hard at
getting out of my body I said getting out of your body he said yes and so what
you mean he said well in the last six months I've
been in three car accidents I said well that's pretty amazing he said and you
know what else I said what he said I've been in hospital four or five times for
fainting spells I've also fallen off a ladder I also fell when I was exercising
I said well I said how do you know that that means you're trying to get out of
your body I said I don't agree he said what do you mean
I said listen if you want to get out of your body you would have pulled that off
a long time ago I mean that's pretty easy I mean all you need a good gun or
you know nice nice big knife I mean you could do it quickly and if you really
were committed to getting out of your body who had done that a long time ago
obviously this self sabotage you're talking about has a positive intent what
is it you're trying to get out of this behavior he said oh I don't know I said
well if you didn't know he said I don't know I guess maybe I
want to know that people love me I said hmm interesting he's God I never even
realized that till just now I said see people on Sabbath but you know trying to
kill yourself that's absurd the bottom line is you want to feel loved and I bet
just like the example I talked about with you earlier in these tapes would
jackknife and when we talked about that guy who slammed his hand through the
glass and was bleeding and woman who was rejecting him all sudden is making love
to him I said long time ago I told him that story and I said you know a long
time ago you obviously linked up that if you get yourself hurt and get in the
hospital especially you got these people to come and tell you how much they love
you and be with you and be worried about you but I'm gonna tell you something
that isn't love that's obligation he looked at me kind of funny I said that's
what it is it's obligation its pain they don't want
to come see you they feel like they have to and they're guilty I said they're not
giving you love in fact a lot of people probably hate you because they do that
well you talk about interrupting his pattern he started he focused his eyes
sort of look inside what am i doing I'm getting into link what pain to his
present pattern so his brain will want to change it I said listen if you want
love there are much better ways and you're much more intelligent person this
you don't have to sabotage in this way you could get it just by you know the
best way to get love give it see be loving to people give them so much love
that they have to give you love back I said there's a law in life it's called
reciprocation what you put out people feel like they got to give it back I
said some people stay in relationships with people that they like but don't
love and the reason is they feel stuck if the other person loves them so much
but they just oh they can't get out they get love back I said listen if you
really want love start pouring it out so deeply and so powerfully to so many
people it'll come back tenfold and he looked around I said and if you do that
you have no pain you have lots of pleasure you do the other one you keep
breaking body parts people come they're obligated they think God would have
snuck how many more times is it going to play giving a car accident what is he
stupid but they wouldn't fit it to your face I did this over and over again
until I conditioned him to link a new pattern I said to him as well look if
you were expressing love while you're expressing it what are you feeling
they said love that's a lot interesting so you mean you could get
what you want the minute you give it is very well wow what a concept
here's a whole new way now well this will help him to change his whole life
well he believes it will we'll know in six months if he doesn't have do many
more accidents the pot of mine unless he's just like blind or something and
that's part of the problem the point is this any pattern of self-sabotage comes
out of a positive intent do you hear me on this we're always trying to get
something that's good for us even people that commit suicide do it for a positive
intent in their brains mind their brain says hey suicide being dead would be
less painful than being alive which I have a hard time personally believing
but in the moment people who believe that commit suicide most people never
commit suicide because killing themselves is just too painful so what
do they do they just beat themselves up a lot you don't need to do either one
you can free yourself from self-sabotage right now by knowing from this day
forward that if you ever start to sabotage yourself 1 don't jump to
conclusions and assume that because you've done something a few times and it
didn't work out last minute you screwed something up that it's this Specter
called self-sabotage that's coming to find you
try another approach maybe it's you're just not paying attention maybe you're
not focusing maybe it's got some poor habits you know it may not be a
self-sabotage pattern so don't jump to that conclusion for just bad habits
refocus and decide what you do want to accomplish and to if it clearly is a
pattern where you are subconsciously sabotaging yourself screwing things up
hey get excited don't get upset say hey look my brain is doing what it does best
it thinks it's keeping me out of pain and give me some pleasure but I just got
to teach my brain a better pattern that's all so what's the intent and
that's how you eliminate self-sabotage so let's go through the steps real
quickly 1 identify a behavior that's keeping you from getting your goals
something that's stopping you were holding you back first you got
identified it that's step number one - once you've identified it ask yourself
what is the positive intent here what is my brain trying to give me so for
example if you know you're about to go up to somebody and ask him for a date
then all of a sudden you shut down and you can't even talk what's the positive
intent while my guess would be that your brain
is trying to protect you from being rejected it's saying well he doesn't say
anything can't be rejected rejection is pain I don't want pain does that make
sense so that's why you can't think in that moment but see you got to teach
your brain otherwise you got to go in once you find out that what the positive
intent is you go well it's trying to protect me from rejection then you go to
step 3 get some leverage on yourself so that you can make the change you know
how to do that we've done it over and over again that is teach your brain that
hey if I don't change this thing I know you're trying to help me out of your
brain I know you're trying to keep me from the pain of rejection but by me not
going up and expressing how much I'm attracted it's costing me relationships
that could give me a lot more pleasure it's a little bitty pain but not being a
relationship is big vain I got to explain this to your brain you gotta
have a little conversation in your head the way to do is on paper sit down and
write down all the pain you're going to get if you don't change this pattern and
all the pleasure you'll get by making the pattern work real simple step 4
interrupt the pattern and there are lots of ways to do that we've talked about
many the simplest one that we've used in the last day or two of course is the
eraser technique so how do we use it well see yourself beginning to go into a
situation where you're sabotaging yourself in other words see yourself
start to approach let's say an attractive person and you you see
yourself start to choke up only this time watch it happen and scramblin be
outrageous the key to interrupting a pattern is to do something your brain
would never ever expect and you look rapidly over and over and over and over
again what that does is totally fry the old pattern that used to stop you and of
course step 5 in is install a new pattern condition yourself to have new
feelings what do you do see yourself over and over going up and
making the connection with this person and feeling the pleasure that comes from
that so you clearly teach your brain pain comes from not doing it pleasure
comes from doing it and that old pattern I can't run anymore I've forgotten what
the heck it is I've scrambled my brain simple humorous basic way to change and
eliminate self-sabotage something you can easily do I want to make one of the
point and that is some of the most successful people have patterns of
self-sabotage so remember if you find yourself doing something that doesn't
seem to be supporting you in the long term remember at some level your brain
thinks it's a supporting you at least in the short-term that's
why it's doing it don't feel bad about an ogre all gosh Here I am this failure
some of those successful people that I've interviewed and worked with had
self-sabotage it's just a pattern when once in awhile get you can just change
it now it's very easy so here's your assignment pull out your success journal
and before you turn the tape over just identify do you have a place in your
life where you have a tendency and by the way that's all this self-sabotage
stuff is we don't want to make it into a thing it's not a thing it's just a
tendency it's just a pattern that once in a while you run so is there a place
in your life where you have a tendency to start to sabotage things when it gets
to good for example relationship gets to a certain level and your brain goes
uh-oh if I get too connected if I love this person too much what if they leave
me oh my gosh then I have pain so I better sabotage it first you understand
the kind of thing I'm talking about here so identify if there's a tendency
someplace that's number one - don't feel bad about it instead feel good get
excited say my brain is awesome my brain here is doing a good job of what it
believes it needs to do to help me avoid pain and gain pleasure so feel good
about your brain it means it's doing this job 3 get some leverage though to
make a change get your brain to associate and teach your brain by
writing down here's all the things I miss out on because of this tendency and
really get your brain to see that there's major pain in sabotaging and
make sure your brain also says make a list that here's all the pleasure I get
by making a change so your brain has got both the stick and the carrot
it's got leverage to want to make the shift for then what you need to do is
now simply interrupt the pattern and the interrupted pattern the resilient ways
to do it again but use the erase your technique since we that's what we've
been using for the last two days real simple process think about the sabotage
you've done and make humorous run those kinds of scenarios over in your head and
turn them into cartoons back and forth back and forth back and forth until when
your brain things of it it kind of laughs and sees that this is ridiculous
where it doesn't run the pattern the same way anymore and finally 5 rehearse
achieving the result you want without the self-sabotage in other words
rehearse achieving the success you want and make sure you feel the pleasure of
succeeding and do it over and over again till your brain links hey this really
works this is really going to last this is something that I really want my life
and the self-sabotage pad or tendency will disappear so do this
and we'll talk about how to create unstoppable self-confidence creating
unstoppable self-confidence self-confidence it's something people
talk about all the time when they say why they're not succeeding over and over
I hear people say I just don't have enough confidence those in confidence is
not something you have it's something you create and you can create it in
moment in time a sense of confidence is nothing but a sense of power within
yourself a sense of certainty that you can pull something off and you can
create that feeling literally in a moment it's not something that you live
with there is no one that I've ever met that no matter what situation they're in
is always confident everybody gets knocked off kilter at times the key is
can you turn the confidence on when you need it so you can get the most out of
yourself does that make sense so far so you've got to remember that feeling
confident is nothing but a state of mind and you can change and create any state
you want at any moment in time no matter what's going on around you let me give
you some specific examples there are three primary ways that you can create
self-confidence at any moment in time to get the most out of yourself and produce
the results you really want approach number one you're familiar with it's
called physiology you've got to remember that any feeling you've ever had in your
body whether it be fear anxiety concern depression frustration or ecstasy power
unstoppable 'ti confidence success those emotions any emotion you feel comes from
the way you use your physical body the only way you can feel anything is by the
way you move the way you breathe your facial expressions so if you're not
feeling confident you don't have to intellectually try and pump yourself up
because it doesn't always work I'm sure you've tried a time to go well
I need to be confident I know I should be confident but you're still not there
let me tell you the quickest way to get confident is to change your physiology
radically listen in our seminars around the country those unleash the power
within programs we take people through a first evening we call fear into power
and it's an experience we get you to change your conditioning and feel
totally confident in an area you normally totally afraid of
so at the broadcast site we use a fire walk experience where everyone walks
across the fire between 1,200 and 2,000 degrees burning hot coals and in the
theaters we have people actually learn how to break through wood karate style
and they do in about 15 minutes and it requires not only confidence as you
might guess but competence to do something most people take two or three
years to learn how to do in a few minutes now the purpose of this is to
get people in a state of being totally strong a confident even though they're a
totally afraid lacking confidence only moments before let me tell you something
to get yourself across a bed of burning hot coals or to smash through some wood
even though you might be tiny and small but what is much bigger than you've ever
done before I got to tell you something to do that you got to make a major
change in your state major now let me tell you we do that
the number one way we do this is we get people to move their bodies or the level
of intensity and power that they probably never experienced before
remember earlier in these tapes I said to you that emotion is created by motion
the way you move your body physically the way you breathed your facial
expression instantly affects your emotional state the way you feel and the
way you think so if you need confidence you must move in a confident way you
must literally put yourself at level 10 or above
remember those conversations so what I do with people is literally I'll take
somebody who comes up to the fire and they go oh gosh I really don't think I
could do this and I and I couldn't do it either if I talk like you right now
stand up breathe strong take a huge deep breath in blow it out hard what I want
you to say the word yes and then go yes I said no no say yes and I have them
yelling go yes say it again yes and pretty soon they feel incredibly strong
and I say walk and they go okay it's like instantly a moment ago they
were totally afraid now they have the confidence to do it the only difference
was changing their state of mind and emotion by changing the way they were
using their body but I do it radically major explosive changes in other words
if I was going to make a gesture I wouldn't just like reach my hand out
toward you I'd snap it out there that's the kind of state of confidence I'm
talking about are you following me in other words you've got to move
deliberately as if you are absolutely totally in control you know you can
create any result you want if you meet
is confident you know it before they open their mouth don't you can't you
tell by the way they move by the way they speak I listen what if when you
turn these tapes on I said well I want to thank you for listening on I'm 20
Robbins and I want to share with you over the next 30 days how you could have
we know absolute total self confidence you can go get rid of this guy what am i
doing what's going on here who's this guy's on drugs what's the deal see the
bottom line is I communicate rapidly because I'm confident is that I'm
competent know confident that's what I'm talking about hopefully I'm competent
too but the bottom line is I'm just letting it go out of that state of
confidence though ideas pop up this holds that it takes have been designed
to help you get results without limits I didn't sit here and say okay now I'm
going to say this little slit that I'm gonna put it in this order I want you
and I have a relationship that moves you this whole set of programs comes from my
ability to say I'm confident I know I can reach this person if I didn't
believe that you and I couldn't have this conversation right now but
sometimes I don't feel confident sometimes I don't feel like I know what
I'm going to say next have you ever been there what I do at that time is act as
if I know what I'm doing which is a useful approach name I said well you're
teaching people to be confident but not confident I Got News for you if you're
confident enough you can develop the competence but if you're competent and
you don't have confidence you'll never succeed there are many competent people
who could accomplish incredible results but they're missing the confidence
am I suggesting to you to be foolhardy no what I'm suggesting to you is learn
how to turn on the confidence rapidly use enough of it to learn what you need
to know to be competent and effective and produce the results but you'd be
surprised how much more you know then you realize if you really get yourself
in the right state of mind does that make sense
try it try moving your body in a confident way back try it right now
please stand up again if you're in the car it'll be a little bit more difficult
sit back down some of you started to stand up and you sat back now don't do
that I'm there I'm watching I'm telling you stand up and what I want you to do
is just try something stand the way you be standing if you feel unstoppably
confident breathe the way be breathing if you felt unstoppably confident really
go for it put the kind of expression on your face that you'd have if you were
unstoppably confident and make some gestures actually move your hands out
with some powers if you're trying to make a point with real power and what
you know that what you're going to say is going to be effective and just notice
how that feels say something say yes and the tone of
voice is somebody who is totally confident don't little use Zuzu's yes
with some power and just feel that feels in your body get a sense of it turn on
more intensity than you would normally use with another person just feel it in
your body so you feel what it's like you want to be able to turn it on just by
turning your body on this is critical with this is a power you can go from
being afraid to strong in a matter of moments
now try something really stupid and silly while you're standing there I'd
like you to walk around your room and the way I'd like you to do that is I
want you to imagine there's a cape shooting off the back of your back I'm
gonna have this call we call this a cape walk now if nothing else has felt stupid
up until now this one is guaranteed to assist you in this process what I want
you to do is stand up pretend there's a cape back there shoulders are back and I
want you to walk around just walk around a circle but like you got this cape
flowing back there with a sense of pride and power they go I'm not going to do
this listen only those who are truly secure can participate in this exercise
go for it try it come on walk around and just notice it appeals like seriously
walk around and knows how it feels out of a cape on your back and from that
state even though it seems humorous try it right now why are you listening to me
walk around and be able to feel like that escape blowing off your back there
and notice what happens in terms of your confidence even though you may be
laughing do you feel a little stronger are you more upright you feel more alive
just know this you can sit back down now don't sit on your cape
bottom line is this if you are making gestures with certainty if you're moving
with certainty with some acceleration with some power if you speak with that
kind of tempo you will feel confident no matter how you're feeling a few moments
ago if you want to feel like you have a lack
of confidence move not only slowly because slowly could still be confident
move slowly but move with hesitation speak with hesitation and within a short
period of time you can cause yourself to not only feel bored with yourself but
also to actually feel like you can't accomplish anything in essence remember
this using your physical body effectively can put you in a state of
confidence no matter what was happening around you no matter how intense the
situation no matter how scary no matter how difficult you always have that
resource don't ever say to yourself again what is
this delusion of good foods break out of that gel if you don't feel like you have
confidence create it right now it's not a thing that somebody gave you years ago
it's not something you missed out on it's something you create by the way
speak by the way you move by the way you gesture that's one here's number two
control your mental focus remember what you focus on is going to determine how
you feel so if you focus constantly on how things might not work out and you
look at in your brain all the possibilities of what this doesn't work
or what if that doesn't happen if that's your mental focus of course you're going
to lack confidence remember we experience whatever we focus
on so if you're focusing on how things won't work you're going to feel the pain
that you associate to that you're going to create a tremendous amount of doubt
and then it usually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy you don't get
what you want let me give you a kind of a simple example I'd like you to try
something please listen and please do this what I want you to do is think of
something you really want to have happen in your future something like to have or
do or be and what I'd like you to do is hope hope that you'll get this to happen
in your life okay try it think of something you really want in
your life something you really want to have happen and hope it will happen
notice how it feels when you hope it'll happen
maybe knows what you say to yourself and you'll hope something will happen now
what I want you to do is get out of that state completely get out of state for a
second and now let's have you think about the same thing you want to have to
happen in your life but this time I want you to expect that it will happen
absolutely totally you know it okay and when you know it's
going to happen I want you to notice what happens to the pictures in your
mind as you think about it what's different when you notice the difference
your body absolutely except it will happen you expect this will occur you
absolutely know it now I get a question for you is there a difference in how you
feel in your body first of all and I think you'll find the answered yes
in addition is there a difference in even how you visualize these two things
in your mind there are several distinctions that I
make usually when I ask people what the difference is between their hoping and
they're expecting invariably on number one in distinction is people tell me
things like well I noticed that when I was hoping that the picture was dim or
was dark or was gray or is black and white or or it was two pictures I saw
myself succeeding but I also saw the possibility of failing versus when I
expected I saw just one picture I saw it happening interesting when you focus on
it just happening you feel confident when you focus on it might happen or it
might not happen you don't feel so confident is that fair to say also when
people focus on things that they're expecting many times they put it in
color the other thing that commonly comes up is people say things like well
when I was hoping I felt kind of passive and when I was expecting I felt active I
felt like I needed to do something interesting was that true for you
the reason is whatever we focus on we get so if you're focusing on two
possibilities your brain is getting different neural associations it's going
could be painful it could be pleasurable your brain doesn't know what to do it
doesn't feel confident but when you expect and focus on one result you say
this is what it is I'm going to accomplish this I expect it immediately
your level self-confidence goes up and you feel active immediately because your
brain says hey if I do this I can get some pleasure in my life does that make
sense that's the process we're talking about we must control our focus and one
way to do it of course is to control our focus by controlling the questions we
ask ourselves invariably people who have a lot of doubt ask questions that create
they say things like well could I really get this done I wonder or god I wonder
if this will get screwed up too versus coming from the place of saying how can
I get this done or better what's the best way I can get this
I see when something comes up for me if I want to be confident I'll say gosh do
you think I can really pull this off ask myself what's the best way to get this
done and enjoy the process now by doing that listen to the presupposition there
the presupposition is my mind is going to focus on how to get it done I'm going
to start expecting it's going to get done I'm going to feel confident first
is saying will it work or will it not in which case I start focusing on two
different possibilities and I lose my confidence are you follow me good now
third way that we can control our focus is just to change our core beliefs we've
already talked about how to do this over and over again if you walk around and
like believing that the only way you can feel confident is if you've already
accomplished something you got a problem you're limiting yourself to the number
of things you can ever feel confident about and succeed in other words some
people say well how can I be confident when I've never done it before listen I
feel confident all kinds of things I've never done before you say well that's
because you're a screwed up no that's not why it is it's because I come from a
belief system that says this that if I can imagine it I can achieve it so if I
can even imagine it I know I can achieve it and that allows me to be confident
plus I have a belief system that says if I'm committed there's always a way to
make it work and no matter how tough the situation is if I don't know how to make
it work somebody else does I can get their help so I come from that place and
that allows me to be confident I know I can get help I know if I'm committed
there's a way to do it and I know but anything in the past I've really been
able to imagine accomplishing and finding a role model for I can't
accomplish hey listen everything you do now you
once weren't good at everything you do now there was a time when you had not
done it why wait to get confident besides that I know I can be confident
about what I'm about to begin because I know look if it doesn't work out I'll
learn something and that makes me feel confident because of that learning will
allow me to be better in the future in other words set yourself up to be
able to be confident again I'm not suggesting be foolhardy I'm just telling
you how to turn confidence on when you need it and most of the time you do need
it so key question a lot of people ask me is well how can I create that level
of belief I understand I can change my body but how could I create that belief
so I wouldn't have to work at it well there's a simple process that I teach
people I call it my success cycle and it for me is my way of explaining why
people who seem to continue to succeed and get even
stronger and people fail seem to go down a downward spiral why do the rich get
richer and the poor get poorer not just term in terms of rich or poor
financially but rich meaning mental emotional social spiritual intellectual
physiological and financial I put a copy of the drawing of my success cycle there
on your summary now if you take a look at it you'll see that there are four
elements that I think affect the quality of our lives and I've got them
represented there by those four boxes up in the top left-hand corner there you
should see the word potential what's the potential of any human being I
personally believe it absolutely is unlimited none of us even come close to
scratching our real potential the second element that affects human
performance is our actions up there in the Box in the right hand corner the
third element that affects performance are the actual results that we've gotten
in other words what's the impact of our present actions and potential being
utilized and finally the fourth element that affects performance is our beliefs
and you'll see that down in the left hand corner in that box and you notice
that all these boxes have arrows that connect them and they're all pointing in
a particular direction going clockwise is if this was a continuous cycle how
does it work well number one what's the potential of any human being again
unlimited but do most people's results in life that bottom right-hand corner
box the most people's results reflect that level of potential I would say no
way what's the problem you might say oh I see what is Tony it's that second box
at the top they don't take enough what action I think that's true in many cases
but that's not the only problem there are a lot of people who go out there and
take a lot of action and still get lousy results why action by itself is great
but it is not enough if you're in sales and you want to make a hundred cold
calls because you're doing lousy but you go out with a state of mind we don't
expect anyone's going to buy and you turn to people and say things like you
wouldn't want to buy anything from me would you maybe you don't say that
verbally but maybe your face says that because you don't expect them to is that
going to affect your results you better believe it's going to you're going to
get lousy results in other words success starts with our beliefs if you look at
that bottom left hand box that is the core of your perform
think about it see the potential is there but if for some reason you start
out with the learning believes like well I don't have that much self-confidence
anyway or I don't have the background or I've never done this before so I
probably won't succeed anyway if you have that belief are you likely to tap a
lot of your potential highly unlikely now if you don't think you're going to
succeed you're not using much potential are you likely to take massive action
hardly now when you tap a little bit of potential and you only take a little bit
of action what kind of results do you get a little bit of results if any now
what does that do to your brain and your beliefs your brain goes see I told you
so now you have this reinforcing belief that because it points back to that
experience so what happens you have even less belief you have even less potential
you take even less action if that's possible you get even worse results and
now you're truly locked into the downward spiral to the point where now
you start looking at how can you do the very least to get by that's called death
rattle to personal success the opposite is also true too sometimes people have
an experience in life where for some reason they get a result or something
happens and they begin to absolutely believe not just hope but know that they
can accomplish something when that happens whether it because you changed
your body or you had a new experience you're going to tap a lot more potential
when you know you're going to succeed aren't you and therefore you're going to
probably take a lot more action knowing you're going to succeed you're inspired
you're going to go for it when you take a lot of action and use a lot of your
potential what kind of results you get usually great results when you get great
results what does that need your belief your brain goes see I told you you would
succeed and sure enough now your beliefs are been stronger so what do you do you
tap even more potential you take massive action and you get even greater results
what happens you believes even stronger and now you're in that success cycle
you're in that place will you literally have momentum that drives you to a whole
new level that's how beliefs are formed you might
say well how can I get results though what do I do if I'm on the downward
spiral well you don't change your potential
that's always there you don't just take action although that's a great first
step you've got to change your beliefs and one of the easiest ways to do that
is change your salts in advance and I said what do you
mean let me give you an example would you please stop what you're doing right
now and do this exercise with me change your focus and pay a hundred percent
attention you're going to like this here's what I interview please stand up
just for a moment come on stand up there come on and what I'd like you to do is
put your feet together so they're pointing straight ahead then what I want
you to do is just take your right arm and bring it straight out in front of
you and point your right index finger directly in front of you so you're
pointing straight ahead when I say now what I'd like you to do is turn
clockwise as far as you can comfortably without stretching yourself or pushing
yourself or really hurting yourself okay ready go ahead and turn clockwise now as
far as you can and just notice where you end up good now come back again okay
drop your right arm close your eyes and what I want to do something really
simple some simple neural associative conditioning now it's going to be
simpler than anything we've done so far all I want you to do is imagine that
you're bringing your right arm back up again and I want you to imagine it so
vividly that you actually feel as if and see your hand coming up in front of you
straight out pointing in front of you again in other words don't actually do
it but make it so real that it feels as if it's happening and you can see it
occurring then in your mind's eye see and feel yourself turning clockwise
again only this time going twice as far and they can effortless and expect to
enjoy it good and then come back around in your mind and again in your mind see
and feel your arm coming up in front of you with your finger pointing straight
ahead and when I say now turn clockwise and see and feel no don't actually do it
but make it so real it feels like it's happening see and feel yourself again
turning this time going three times as far as you did the first time excellent
and now do it a third time do it very rapidly and feel and expect yourself to
go almost four times as far when you turn almost all the way around very good
now open your eyes bring your right arm back up physically this time with your
finger pointing straight ahead and when I say now turn clockwise and go as far
as you can without hurting yourself and watch how much further you go this time
go for it if you're like most people you've gone
much further in fact the average person goes at least 1/3 further than they did
before so I got a question for you go ahead and have a seat my question is
this what happened here did your potential change no you always
have the potential to turn that form did you like make major changes in your
actions in a way you didn't make it major changes in your actions but your
results did change why because by rehearsing in your mind
over and over again you conditioned your mind to believe to feel certain that it
could go much further you created an association in your nervous system and
said this will feel good and I can go further and now you've gone much further
back if you did it again you could go even further again so this is a perfect
metaphor for what has to happen in life if you want to succeed you need to
rehearse over and over succeeding until it's so real for you your brain begins
to believe it now you'll tap more potential you'll take better action in
real life you'll get better results then we'll reinforce your belief and now
you're off and running does this make sense this is the way to create lifelong
unstoppable self-confidence this is what I did for myself because I was on a
downward spiral all I did was create the results in my head so vividly I began to
believe him when I believed them I kept more potential I took more action I
started to get those real results in my life emotionally economically and my
relationships and virtually every area of my life and let me leave you with two
more things on confidence one if you really want to be confident know what
causes people to lack in it focusing too much on yourself and not enough on other
people will guarantee that you'll lack confidence what do I mean I mean some
people like confidence because they pick themselves apart they spend all day
every day analyzing themselves why did I do this
why don't I do that how come I never accomplish these things they ask lousy
questions they get lousy answers and they create a tremendous amount of
self-doubt do you want to have more confidence stop analyzing yourself so
much and focus on other people and how you can contribute to them and as you
start giving that a people you'll feel more confident about what you can even
do for yourself so I make sense and finally this you can feel confident if
all you do is remember some of the things you've
accomplished in your life you are a successful competent person you've done
a lot of things in your life extremely well no matter who you are what your
background is there are things in this world that you are really good at things
you've really accomplished in your life that you've got to be proud of every
human being I meet I know is my superior because I know all of us in life have
focused our attention on various things and whatever you focus on a lot you're
good at and every human being I meet in my life I know that I'm superior to in
some way as well that makes me feel confident as well knowing I can learn
from other people and that I can give too so in order to help yourself really
have reasons to feel confident not just put yourself in state but to feel like
you got reasons all you've got to do is manage your memories better pull out
some of your memories of tough situations in your life well you didn't
think you could pull it off but you turned it around you have some of those
don't you situations I could never figure way to pull this off and yet you
did you need to remember more of those and less of the times and you felt
overwhelmed what I want you to do is take out your success journal and your
assignment for DES is simple I want you to come up with five of your greatest
successes in life things where you've really turned it on maybe some
situations where it looks really dark looked really difficult and you didn't
know how you're going to pull it off but you did and all I want you to do is
write down a paragraph or so about each one of those in other words pull out of
your memory files some of the references that can show you that you deserve to be
confident that you're competent and confident that you can make things
happen even in the toughest of times and use those examples to remind yourself in
the future that whatever's going on you can find a way do that today and have
some fun filtering through your memories and picking five of your favorite
you

Tony Robbins: How to Conquer Your Emotions ( Tony Robbins Emotional )

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