Weekend Update: Washington and Jefferson on Being Compared to Robert E. Lee

>> AT A RECENT PRESS CONFERENCE AND MULTIPLE TIMES ON TWITTER,
PRESIDENT TRUMP DREW COMPARISONS BETWEEN GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE
AND GEORGE WASHINGTON. HERE TO DEFEND HIMSELF IS
PRESIDENT GEORGE WASHINGTON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU. OKAY.
OKAY. DON'T ASK, I'LL DO IT.
HERE IS THE DOLLAR BILL FACE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THERE YOU GO. ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE YOU THE QUARTER FACE.
THERE, I DID IT. ANYWAY, ABOUT THIS WHOLE ROBERT
E. LEE THING, I'M NOTHING LIKE THAT GUY.
I CREATED THIS COUNTRY, HE TRIED TO TEAR IT APART.
I REBELLED AGAINST ENGLAND, HE REBELLED AGAINST AMERICA.
WHO IS YOUR DADDY? ME.
I'M OUT. >> WAIT, MR. PRESIDENT, DESPITE
YOUR INCREDIBLE ACCOMPLISHMENT, THERE WAS ONE THING ABOUT YOU
THAT WASN'T VERY GREAT. >> OH, YEAH.
>> YEAH. >> I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.
YES, I DID CUT DOWN THAT CHERRY TREE.
I CAME CLEAN ABOUT THAT IMMEDIATELY AND I WAS 13.
EVERYONE IS A LITTLE A-HOLE WHEN THEY ARE 13.
I DON'T THINK MY STATUE SHOULD BE TAKEN DOWN FOR THAT.
>> THE CHERRY TREE ISN'T THE ISSUE.
>> OH, ARE YOU SERIOUS? >> YEAH, MAN.
>> YOU'RE GOING TO DO ME LIKE THAT ON NATIONAL TV?
>> PRIME TIME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> IT'S THE TEETH, HUH? SORRY, I HAVE WOODEN TEETH.
FEEL LIKE A BIG MAN NOW, YOU EMBARRASSED ME?
WE DIDN'T HAVE DENTISTS. THANKS, OBAMACARE.
TAKE DOWN MY STATUE BECAUSE OF MY TEETH?
YOU DON'T SEE MY TEETH IN MY STATUE.
MICHAEL, WHAT AM I DOING NOW? >> I DON'T KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> CROSSING THE DELAWARE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WAIT, WAIT.
MR. PRESIDENT, LOOK, THE ISSUE IS YOU AND ROBERT E. LEE BOTH
OWNED SLAVES. >> RIGHT.
THAT WAS BAD. THAT WAS WRONG.
>> YEAH. >> IF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT
OWNING SLAVES, TALK ABOUT THOMAS JEFFERSON.
>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WHOA! THROW ME UNDER THE CARRIAGE LIKE
THAT? YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME THE
SLAVE GUY? REALLY?
COME ON. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
YOU ARE THE ONE ON THE QUARTER. I'M ON THE NICKEL AND TWO DOLLAR
BILL, JUNK MONEY. JUNK MONEY.
>> YOU DID OWN SLAVES, TOO. >> I DID.
>> YEAH, THAT'S TRUE, J., IT'S TRUE.
YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER, IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME, MAN.
IT WAS THE '70s, MAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> IT WAS 1770. >> YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED IT, MAN.
EVERYONE IN CAPRI PANTS. >> THAT POWDER WASN'T JUST FOR
WIGS, KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] >> LOOK, WE HAVE ALL -- LOOK.
>> YEAH. >> WE HAVE ALL DONE BAD THINGS.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US AND ROBERT E. LEE IS WE DID GOOD
THINGS. I WROTE THE DECLARATION OF
INDEPENDENCE. >> NOT TO BE A JERK, BUT I WON
MY AWARD. >> YEAH.
SORRY, ROBERT E. LEE, GENERALS WHO WIN WARS.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> YOU GUYS ARE BUDDIES.
>> YEAH. >> SWEET.
THANK YOU BOTH FOR SPEAKING TO US TODAY.
>> WE ARE NOT DONE. IN THE END, WE DON'T NEED
STATUES TO COMMEMORATE US. >> OUR LEGACY IS THE COUNTRY WE
RISKED OUR LIVES FOR. >> THIS GREAT NATION HAS GIVEN
US AN HONOR, GREATER THAN ANY STATUE.
A THREE-DAY WEEKEND WHEN ALL AMERICANS GET 50% OFF ALL
MATTRESSES. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I THINK THERE'S A TOYOTA-THON

Weekend Update: Washington and Jefferson on Being Compared to Robert E. Lee - SNL

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