Donald Trump's New Football Rules, 7-Up Tests Positive for Meth

-Here´s what people are talking about.
Well, we had a bunch of big football matchups yesterday.
You had the Eagles against the Giants.
You had the Patriots against the Texans.
And you had the president against everyone, and...
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yesterday, Trump tweeted that players
standing with locked arms for the national anthem is okay.
Incidentally, people standing with locked arms
is also the plan for his border wall.
-Really?
-"Red rover, red rover. Don´t let anyone come over."
That´s right. Trump said that NFL players shouldn´t be allowed
to take a knee during the national anthem.
And that´s not all. Trump also released a list
of other rule changes he thinks the NFL should make.
They´re pretty interesting. I´ll show you what I mean.
For example, Trump´s first rule
is that someone has to get sacked every five minutes,
just like at the White House.
[ Applause ]
Then he said the broadcasters for every game
have to be the hosts of "Fox & Friends."
-Really?!
-That´s the only host for football.
-That´s the only host he trusts. -Yeah.
-And finally, when a referee overturns a call,
he has to say, "The previous play was fake news!"
I´m not sure if they´re going to stick,
but he´s trying it.
But this all started on Friday when Trump said
that NFL team owners should fire any "son of a B"
who doesn´t stand for the national anthem.
Check out what one sports icon
had to stay about Trump´s statement.
-Wow! -That´s Air Bud!
-Air Bud. -Yeah.
[ Applause ]
And after Trump disinvited
the Golden State Warriors from the White House,
LeBron James called the president a bum
and said visiting the White House was an honor
until Trump showed up.
Trump was like, "Does our healthcare bill cover burns?"
[ Laughter ]
"You burned me!"
But in fun football news,
I saw that someone decided to run on the field
during the Kent State/Louisville game on Saturday.
Take a look and listen to the commentators here.
-I like his pad level, James.
-He might do it! He´s gonna do it!
Oh, my goodness, buddy! Do it! Do it! Do it!
Touchdown! Oh! Man! He´s my favorite squirrel.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-The crazy thing? Even that squirrel turned down
an invitation to the White House.
-Really?! -Yeah, he wouldn´t do it.
Didn´t feel like doing it.
It´s just been insane.
Over the weekend, Trump was criticized by LeBron James,
Steph Curry, Stevie Wonder, Jay Z, and John Legend.
You know it´s 2017 when Kylie Jenner is pregnant
and we don´t even have time to talk about it.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Yeah, it came out
that Kylie Jenner is expecting her first child.
When asked about it, Kris Jenner said,
"I´m so excited about the new spin-off --
I mean, addition to the family.
It´s very exciting."
[ Applause ]
And get this. There´s growing speculation
that Mark Zuckerberg will run for president.
He´s already got a great slogan.
"Okay, no problem. Uh, send it right now.
He already won. He won."
Another big story today -- Anthony Weiner was sentenced
to 21 months in prison for his sexting scandal.
Weiner can get out in eight months with good behavior,
so he´ll be serving 21 months.
And, uh...
And finally, I read that health experts are warning
that some bottles of 7 Up in Mexico
have tested positive for meth.
Yep, meth and 7 Up,
or, as we call that, Mountain Dew.
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots!
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Donald Trump's New Football Rules, 7-Up Tests Positive for Meth - Monologue

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