Gwyneth Paltrow Crashes James' Goop Magazine Rant

NOW HERE'S ANOTHER STORY FROM THE WEEKEND.
I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF YOU SAW THIS, GWYNETH PALTROW UNVEILED
THE PRINT EDITION OF GOOP MAGAZINE BASED ON HER LIFESTYLE
WEBSITE.
NOW FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW, A MAGAZINE IS WHERE YOU
PRINT OUT THE INTERNET AND THEN YOU TRICK PEOPLE INTO BUYING IT.
NOW THE COVER, THE COVER FEATURES GWYNETH PALTROW LYING
DOWN IN MUD.
TAKE A LOOK.
LOOK AT THAT, WOW.
I CAN'T BELIEVE GWYNETH PALTROW BEAT OUT THE COMPETITION TO BE
ON THE COVER OF THE NEW GWYNETH PALTROW MAGAZINE.
SHE'S COVERED IN THAT THICKET BROWN LIQUID.
WE ACTUALLY FIXED THE COVER TO BE MORE APPROPRIATE.
(LAUGHTER) I HAVE GOT TO SAY--
(APPLAUSE) LOOKING AT THIS MAGAZINE, ARE
YOU LIKE PRETENDING TO BE DOWN TO EARTH HAS BEEN GWYNETH
PALTROW'S BEST PERFORMANCE YET.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT YOU.
HERE'S-- HERE'S A FUN FACTD ABOUT GOOP, BEFORE BEING NAMED
GOOP IT WAS ORIGINALLY CALLED UNSIFERRABLE QUARTERLY.
INSIDE THE MAGAZINE THEY SHOWCASE THE HEALING POWERS OF
CRYSTALS, SPOILER ALERT, THERE AREN'T ANY.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: GWYNETH!
(APPLAUSE) >> HI, JAMES.
>> James: WHAT-- HOW-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> JUST WANTED TO STOP BY, YOU KNOW.
>> James: HOW MUCH OF THAT DID YOU HEAR?
>> ALL OF IT.
>> James: RIGHT, WELL, LOOK, IF I'M BEING HONEST I DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING OUT OF LINE.
I MEAN WE'RE ALL THINKING IT, YOU KNOW?
>> JAMES, I MEAN, TO BE FAIR I THINK YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE
HARSH.
THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT LISTEN TO THE ADVICE THAT WE
GIVE IN GOOP.
>> James: REALLY?
>> UH-HUH.
LIKE SO MANY PEOPLE.
>> James: ALL RIGHT, FINE, NAME ONE.
>> I MEAN, OKAY, REGGIE.
>> James: REGGIE?
>> YEAH.
>> James: REGGIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> Reggie: I'M GROUNDING, JAMES, IT'S JUST INCREDIBLE.
USUALLY I HATE BEING HERE BUT JUST THE POWER OF HEALING, IT'S
JUST INCREDIBLE, THE SENSE OF CALM, IT IS AMAZING.
>> THAT MEANS IT'S WORKING.
>> Reggie: THANKS, GWYNETH.
>> James: YOU DON'T HATE BEING HERE, YOU LOVE BEING HERE, WE'RE
A FAMILY.
SECOND, YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.
>> YEAH, BUT I FEEL SO GREAT.
>> I THINK YOU'RE SO HOT, REGGIE.
>> James: OKAY, ENOUGH, THAT'S ONE PERSON, THAT IS A FLAWK.
NAME SOMEONE ELSE.
>> I MEAN, OKAY, WELL, THAT GUY RIGHT OVER THERE.
>> James: GARY?
(APPLAUSE) THAT'S OUR CAMERAMAN GARY.
>> I USE GOOP, JAMES.
>> James: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAD SEX WITH MY DISHWASHER.
(LAUGHTER) >> IT'S CALLED CUPPING.
IT REALLY HELPS WITH PAY BACK PAIN AFTER STANDING HERE AND
FILMING YOU TELLING JOKES ALL DAY.
>> James: WHY WOULD YOU-- WHY WOULD YOU PUT JOKES IN QUOTES.
>> HE DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
I MEAN, I LOVE YOUR JOKES.
>> James: WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?
THEY'RE REAL JOKES, FINE, REGGIE-- DOES GROUNDING, GARY
APPARENTLY DOES CUPPING, THAT'S TWO PEOPLE, BIG WHOOP.
>> OH GOD, THAT FEELS GOOD.
>> James: IAN.
WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?
>> IT'S CALLED VAGINAL STEAMING, JAMES.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
>> I LEARNED IT ON GOOP, HEY, GWYNETH.
>> HEY, IAN.
>> James: DOESN'T VAGINAL STEAMING REQUIRE THAT, YOU KNOW,
YOU HAVE A CERTAIN PART OF THE BODY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE?
>> DOESN'T MATTER, STILL FEELS AMAZING.
>> James: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I HOLD MY
HANDS UP.
YOU HAVE PROVEN YOUR POINT, I'M SORRY, MAYBE I NEED TO BE
MORE-- MORE OUT OF LINE, THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS INCREDIBLY
COMFORTABLE.
IT REALLY DOES.
MAYBE I NEED TO-- MAYBE I SHOULD ACTUALLY TRY SOME OF THESE
THINGS, YOU KNOW, LIKE I SHOULD SAY, RECENTLY I HAVE BEEN HAVING
TROUBLE WITH-- .
>> THE BIT BETWEEN MY.
>> WELL, WE'VE GOT SOMETHING THAT CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT.
>> James: REALLY, BECAUSE IT'S GETTING OUT OF CONTROL, CAN I
SHOW YOU RIGHT NOW.
DOCTORS HAVE SAID THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT.
>> WELL, GOOP HAS GOT YOU COVERED.
>> HEY JAMES, WHY DON'T YOU COME TRY THIS.
>> James: I CAN'T TRY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, IT LOOKS
COMFORTABLE BUT I CAN'T-- OH GO ON THEN, I'LL GIVE IT A--
(APPLAUSE) >> I'M GWYNETH PALTROW, HE'S
REGGIE WATTS AND THIS IS THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."
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Gwyneth Paltrow Crashes James' Goop Magazine Rant

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