Hey! Hillary Clinton's Bernie Sanders Comments

In published excerpts from her new book
entitled "What Happened,"
Hillary Clinton blames Bernie Sanders
for causing lasting damage to her during the primaries
that she says paved the way
for President Trump's "Crooked Hillary" campaign.
Which brings us to a segment we call "Hey!"
♪♪
Hey, Hillary Clinton!
Don't blame Bernie because Donald Trump called you names.
I promise you he was gonna do that anyway.
It's not like Trump watched Bernie at the debates
and thought, "Criticizing Hillary, that just might work."
And, hey!
You think Trump needed Bernie's permission to be an asshole?
Assholes don't ask for permission.
That's what makes them assholes.
And, hey!
Why are you wasting pages on Bernie?
Do you think he's gonna read this?
He's not!
First off, he's not a fan.
Second off, Bernie's not paying $17.99 for a book.
That's like four and a half chicken noodle soups.
"I'll read that book for free when it's at my local library!"
And, hey, Bernie is not the reason you lost.
You know how I know that?
You beat Trump by 3 million votes.
[ Cheers and applause ]
If you want to blame something ancient,
blame the electoral college.
We shouldn't be running the most important elections on Earth
on a system designed over 200 years ago
to appease slave owners.
If "American Idol" ran their voting like this,
we'd all have a Sanjaya CD in our cars.
And, hey, you're not president, but that is not Bernie's fault.
He's the one guy you did beat.
Also he didn't tell you not to go to Wisconsin.
He didn't tell you to do paid speeches to Wall Street.
And he didn't write this terrible joke for you.
-I don't know who created "Pokémon GO."
[ Cheers and applause ]
But I'm trying to figure out how we get them to have
"Pokémon go to the polls."
-Ugh!
That joke was so bad, people stopped playing "Pokémon GO."
People heard that joke and went, "Welp, back to 'Minecraft'."
You also said in your book
that Bernie's ideas were nothing more than a pipe dream.
Hey, I'm not sure if you've been paying attention,
but pipe dreams paid off great in 2016.
Trump won by saying he was going to build a wall.
You should have said you were gonna build a stairway to heaven
or an escalator to Mars
that you were going to make the Martians pay for.
And, hey, we are living through a very dark time in America,
but there is also an unprecedented opportunity
to pull Democrats and liberals together
and to stand against the hate and incompetence in Washington.
The best way to do this is to get the people who voted for you
and the people who voted for Bernie on the same page.
This isn't the time to complain
because Senator Woodstock didn't roll over for you.
Hey, if anything, he helped make you a better candidate --
you know, the candidate who beat Donald Trump by 3 million votes.
[ Cheers and applause ] This has been "Hey!"
♪♪
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Hey! Hillary Clinton's Bernie Sanders Comments

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