How Die Hard Almost Made Bruce Willis Deaf

(typing)
- For a while, Bruce Willis was
the coolest man on the planet.
But as the years have piled up,
he has slowly morphed into a cantankerous coot.
A coot who could kick your ass, sure,
but a coot nonetheless.
But there's a good reason why
he appears so constantly frustrated,
craning his neck and furrowing his brow
as if he's struggling mightily
to keep up with the flow of conversation.
That reason? Die Hard.
The man, it turns out, sacrificed his physical wellbeing
to bring us the scruffy perfection that is John McClane.
In his own words, or rather, in his words but
in my imperfect impression of him,
"Due to an accident on the first Die Hard,
I suffered two-thirds partial hearing loss
in my left ear and have a tendency to say, 'Whaaa?'"
So he's not just being willfully obtuse
for the sake of being obnoxious, it seems.
After all, it's no coincidence that "Die Hard"
is an anagram for "I'd heard"
as in, "I had heard,"
as in, past tense, meaning I can't anymore.
I mean, it is a coincidence,
but sometimes pretending is fun.
Apparently a gun went off near his ear while filming.
(loud machine gun fire)
And the point is don't judge Bruce too harshly
when he runs like a gramps every time
he gets near a microphone.
It could also explain his bad choices.
For all we know, when someone said,
"Do you want to make a fifth Die Hard?"
what he had heard was,
"Do you want to taste some fly chard?"
And he reflexively said, "Hell yes!"
because who doesn't want to get down with
some cool healthy veggies?
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How Die Hard Almost Made Bruce Willis Deaf

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