Kim Jong-un Calls Trump Deranged, McCain Won't Vote for Obamacare Repeal

-Let´s get to the news.
Following President Trump´s recent threats
to totally destroy North Korea, leader Kim Jong-un yesterday
called Trump a mentally deranged U.S. dotard,
apparently, on his talk show, "Late Night with Kim."
[ Laughter ]
Hey, testing missiles is one thing,
but making fun of our president is my job.
[ Laughter ]
That´s right, Kim Jong-un called Trump
a mentally deranged U.S. dotard, which is a good burn,
because if there´s one thing Trump hates,
it´s having to use a dictionary.
[ Laughter ]
"Dotard -- I´m gonna look this up.
It´s probably ´Very handsome man.´
So we´re gonna fin-- Or ´Rich, handsome man.´
That´s probably what this word means.
I don´t know the order of the alphabet,
so I don´t know what I´m doing here."
[ Laughter ]
That´s right -- Kim Jong-un said President Trump´s remarks
to the U.N., threatening North Korea,
reflect mentally deranged behavior.
Do you know how messed up you have to be
for Kim Jong-un to call you deranged?
[ Laughter ]
That´s like Rachael Ray saying,
"You´re too excited about olive oil."
[ Laughter ]
Senator John McCain announced today
that he will not vote for the Graham-Cassidy Bill
to repeal and replace Obamacare -- again!
If he kills one more Republican healthcare bill,
he gets a free sandwich!
[ Laughter and applause ]
Deservedly so.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Earn that sandwich.
Politico published an article today
profiling White House staffers
who may be considering leaving the Trump administration,
citing reasons like low morale, the Russia investigation,
leadership turnover, the Russia investigation,
long hours, the Russia investigation,
low pay, the Russia investigation,
and the investigation about Russia.
[ Laughter ]
Former White House Communications Director
Anthony Scaramucci co-hosted ABC´s "The View."
Even weirder, Mike Pence deejayed on "Ellen."
[ Laughter ]
"I don´t care for this next one."
During his appearance on "The View" today,
Scaramucci accused former adviser Steve Bannon
of having a messiah complex.
Well, it definitely looks like
he´s been turning water into wine.
[ Laughter ]
"Two more waters, please!
I´ll take the whole bottle."
First Lady Melania Trump hosted local schoolchildren
at the White House today to harvest and replant
the vegetable garden of former First Lady Michelle Obama.
Or as the White House is calling it, repeal and replant.
[ Laughter ]
"We must put an end to this horrible garden."
[ Laughter ]
Representative Maxine Waters reportedly called
Housing Secretary Ben Carson an educated fool
during a meeting yesterday.
"No, you are!" yelled Carson, several days later.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Facebook C.E.O. Mark Zuckerberg discussed his company´s
possible role in Russia´s influence
on the election yesterday, saying,
"I don´t want anyone to use our tools to undermine democracy."
In that case, you may want to talk to these tools
who are undermining our democracy."
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
They´re trying to.
They´d love to hear from you.
Today was National Hobbit Day.
Unfortunately, Jeff Sessions saw his shadow...
[ Laughter ]
...so that means six more weeks of racism.
[ Laughter ]
[ Audience "Oohs" ]
Very hard to take a hobbit setup, get to racism.
[ Laughter ]
And finally, Netflix recently removed
an episode of a children´s cartoon
after viewers spotted what appeared to be a penis
etched in the background of a scene.
So, yeah, she´s done exploring for a while.
[ Laughter, audience groans ]
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight.
Just forget that happened.
Get that out of here head.
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Kim Jong-un Calls Trump Deranged, McCain Won't Vote for Obamacare Repeal - Monologue

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