Larry David Wants to Be Jennifer Lawrence's One and Only Crush

-How are you? How are you doing? -Eh.
-Yeah? -Eh.
-Just "eh"? -Yeah.
You know, okay, I guess.
-All right.
-What am I supposed to say? "Great"? You know...
-A lot of people say "great." -Hate those people.
-Okay.
-They stick a "great" on you right away?
-Uh-huh. -You don´t do that.
-Why? What´s the -- -It´s rude. It´s rude.
Oh, so I´m inferior to you ´cause you´re great?
And what? I´m not so great, I guess.
-Maybe you´re also -- Two people can be great at the same time.
-I don´t think so.
You don´t say that in polite society.
-Okay.
-And if you really want to draw it out of me,
okay, I´m pretty damn good.
-All right, good. Thank you.
Thank you for your honesty.
-How does that make you feel? -I feel...
I´m happy. -How are you?
I´m happy on your behalf.
-Are you happy? -I am.
-I don´t think so. I think you´re a little jealous.
-Well, now, I am a little jealous.
-I do. I feel you´re a little jealous.
-You know, I have to say this -- you´ve not been here before,
but you´ve been discussed on this show before.
You have come up. Other guests have mentioned you.
-Mm. Yes, yes.
-Do you know who I´m referring to?
-Well, I have seen one of those guests,
in the person of Jennifer Lawrence.
And she sat right here and she said she had a crush on you.
-Uh-huh.
-And she also said she also had a crush on me.
-Yeah, she did.
-And when you heard that she had a crush on me, as well...
[ Laughter ]
...you seemed quite displeased
that we were lumped together, as if that detracted from
the ego trip that you were on, yeah.
-I do remember that. -Yes.
-I recall that reaction
and then having great shame about that reaction.
-Yeah.
-And then, you know, waking up in the middle of the night
and shaking my wife awake and said, "I did an awful thing."
-You know what? I was expecting a call.
The call never came.
-But you were happy to be lumped together with me?
Wouldn´t you rather -- -Look, I´m not gonna lie.
It would have been better if it was just me.
When she said you, I, too, was disappointed.
-Yeah. ´Cause both of us would rather if it was
you plus George Clooney.
Then you feel that you´re now this --
-No. I don´t want George Clooney in the picture either.
-Okay. You just want nothing -- -I wanted me, just me.
To me, it takes away from the crush
if she´s mentioning other people.
-Yeah.
-How special is it, then, for me?
It´s not that special. -Right.
You got a crush on me. You got a crush on him.
-Yeah. -No good.
-Right. I see.
You want the one -- You want a solo crush.
-I want the big crush, yes. -Yeah. All right.
Well, we´ll have to let her know
that this isn´t working for either of us.
[ Laughter ]
We saw each other at the SNL 40th,
which, for me, next to my wedding,
was as memorable a night as I´ve ever had,
as far as so many people.
Did you have a fun time at that event?
-No, not really. -Okay.
-No.
You know, I left -- I went to the party after.
I left after about 45, 50 minutes.
-Very early to leave a party like that.
-Yes. And then, afterwards, the next day, I found out,
"Oh, right after you left, Paul McCartney sang
and then Bruce Springsteen, the Rolling Stones,
and John Lennon came back from the dead."
You know.
You know, good things seem to happen when I leave.
-Okay.
-No matter where I am,
wonderful things take place after I´m gone.
Like, it´s not uncommon for me to get a call
the next day after a party -- "After you left -- You´re crazy.
I don´t know why you left."
Four women took their clothes off and jumped in the pool.
You know, it was a bacchanal. You missed a bacchanal."
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Larry David Wants to Be Jennifer Lawrence's One and Only Crush

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