Trump Is "Pissed and Embarrassed," Twitter Character Limits

-Let´s get to the news.
Twitter announced yesterday it will be increasing
its character limit from 140 to 280 characters per tweet,
on a trial basis.
So we´re now officially at war with at least 17 more countries.
[ Laughter and applause ]
According to CNN, after the candidate
he was backing for the Alabama special Senate election lost,
President Trump was, "Pissed and embarrassed."
Incidentally, "Pissed and embarrassed"
is also the title of his Russian hotel tape.
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
The "pissed" hooks you,
but stick around for "embarrassed."
According to reports, Trump´s son-in-law
and senior adviser Jared Kushner
is registered as a female voter in New York.
[ Laughter ]
To be fair, he did register over the phone.
[ High-pitched voice ] "Hello, I´d like to register."
[ Normal voice] "Well, okay.
Let me say, you have a beautiful voice, ma´am."
[ Laughter ]
While discussing the corporate tax rate today,
President Trump said that 20 is his ideal number,
and he is not negotiating that number,
which is the same thing he says
when he orders Chicken McNuggets.
[ Laughter ]
A new poll has found that Education Secretary Betsy DeVos
is the least popular member of President Trump´s cabinet
with a 28% approval rating.
Or as she calls it, this many.
[ Laughter and applause ]
A new study has determined that people in relationships
can detect infidelity in their partner´s voice,
especially when their voice says, "Oh, you´re home early!"
[ Laughter ]
"So happy to see you."
[ Laughter ]
And, finally, it was reported today that Justin Timberlake
may perform at the Super Bowl in February
and that the Jets will not.
[ Laughter and applause ]
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Trump Is "Pissed and Embarrassed," Twitter Character Limits - Monologue

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