STORY OUT THERE RIGHT NOW IS THE REVELATION THAT RUSSIA-LINKED
HACKERS BREACHED 100 NUCLEAR AND CONVENTIONAL POWER PLANTS
JUST THIS YEAR, WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THE PALO VERDE NUCLEAR POWER
STATION'S EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH WAS DON.
( LAUGHTER ) SO FAR, THE HACKERS' INTRUSIONS
HAVE BEEN GATHERING INTELLIGENCE: TECHNICAL
DIAGRAMS, REPORTS, PASSWORDS, AND CRYPTO KEYS.
"CRYPTO KEYS," BY THE WAY, WAS ALSO THE TITLE OF MY
ALL-SYNTHESIZER CONCEPT ALBUM.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
, OF COURSE,-- IT WAS THE 80s.
>> Jon: I LIKE THAT ALBUM!
>> Stephen: OF COURSE, EVERY HACKER GROUP NEEDS A COOL NAME,
AND THIS BEING RUSSIA, THEY WENT WITH "ENERGETIC BEAR."
"ENERGETIC BEAR--" YOU MIGHT REMEMBER HIM AS THE MOST
SEXUALLY ACTIVE CAREBEAR.
WE MIGHT HAVE MADE THAT UP, FOR LEGAL REASONS.
NOW, SO FAR, ALL THESE HACKERS HAVE DONE IS POKE AROUND.
BUT SOME EXPERTS FEAR THAT IT'S THE FIRST STEP OF A PLAN TO
CAUSE ELECTRICAL BLACKOUTS.
BUT WITHOUT ELECTRICITY, I WON'T BE ABLE TO WATCH THE NEWS AND--
PLEASE, GOD, HACK OUR POWER PLANTS!
( LAUGHTER ) I HAVEN'T SLEPT SINCE JANUARY
20th.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, DONALD TRUMP HAS JUST
NAMED A NEW HEAD OF NASA, OKLAHOMA CONGRESSMAN JIM
BRIDENSTEIN.
BRIDENSTINE, OF COURSE, WAS SHORTENED AT ELLIS ISLAND FROM
"BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT-- BUT-- HAD A NATURAL THERE
FOR A WHILE.
LOOKED VERY NICE.
HERE'S THE DEAL: BRIDENSTINE DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT HUMANS ARE
CAUSING CLIMATE CHANGE.
INTERESTING.
THE GUY WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE IN CLIMATE CHANGE IS THE ONE WITH
EASY ACCESS TO SPACESHIPS.
"EVERYTHING'S FINE.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
YOU KEEP FIGHTING THOSE STORMS.
I'LL BE IN THIS ESCAPE ROCKET."
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, CRITICS POINT OUT THAT
BRIDENSTINE IS NOT A SCIENTIST OR AND ENGINEER, THOUGH HE WAS
INVOLVED WITH A ROCKET-POWERED AIRCRAFT LEAGUE.
THINK NASCAR, BUT WITH ROCKET PLANES.
THAT SENTENCE, "THINK NASCAR, BUT WITH ROCKET PLANES," IS THE
LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH IN NORTH CAROLINA.
( LAUGHTER ) AND WHILE BRIDENSTINE WOULD BE
THE FIRST HEAD OF NASA WITHOUT A SCIENCE OR ENGINEERING
BACKGROUND, DO NOT WORRY, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO NPR, HE'S A
BIG FAN OF THE MOON.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
GREAT!
BIG FAN OF THE MOON!
WHY NOT?
SO HE'S JUST AS QUALIFIED AS MY DOG.
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