Kathy Bates: Never Share A Joint With A Stranger, Especially Bill Maher

>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS WHO
TERRIFIED US IN "MISERY," INSPIRED US IN "TITANIC," AND
NOW SELLS US WEED IN THE NETFLIX SHOW "DISJOINTED."
PLEASE WELCOME THE GREAT KATHY BATES.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
COME ON UP HERE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: PLEASE.
>> THANK YOU.
HEY, DARLIN'.
>> Stephen: HI, HOW ARE YOU, DARLIN'.
>> GOOD.
>> Stephen: THAT'S FUNNY YOU SAID "DARLIN'" BECAUSE I FOUND
OUT YOU WERE FROM MEMPHIS.
I DIDN'T I KNOW YOU WERE A SOUTHERN GIRL.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IN "PRIMARY COLORS" I DON'T HEAR THE
SOUTHERN ACCENT.
>>Y TRY NOT TO.
>> Stephen: WHEN DID YOU LOSE IT?
>> PROBABLY WHEN I GOT TO NEW YORK AND GOT TIRED OF CAB
DRIVERS MAKING FUN OF ME AND ASKING ME ABOUT ELVIS PRESLEY.
>> Stephen: MEMPHIS, HONEST TO GOD ELVIS PRESLEY.
>> DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY.
>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU LOSE IT?
DID YOU TRAIN TO GET RID OF IT OR YOU JUST SAID, "I'M NOT GOING
TO HAVE ONE."
>> I JUST SAID, "I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE ONE ANYMORE."
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: WOW,.
>> I JUST DIDN'T-- YEAH, NO MORE.
>> Stephen: >> Stephen: WOW.
>> IT'S COMING BACK NOW, ISN'T IT, THAT WE'RE TALKING.
>> Stephen: A LITTLE BIT.
I GREW UP IN SOUTH CAROLINA AND I DECIDED NOT HAVE ONE AS WELL.
>> REALLY, WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE?
>> Stephen: BECAUSE ON TV AS A CHILD, ANYBODY SOUTHERN WAS
DEPICTED AS DUMB.
AND I DIDN'T UPON WANT TO SEEM DUMB.
I WAS LIKE I'M GOING TO TALK LIKE JOHN CHANCELLOR.
I'M GOING TO TALK LIKE A NEWS GUY OR SOMEBODY LIKE THAT.
>> AND YOU'VE DONE REALLY WELL AT THAT.
>> Stephen: AND PRETENDING TO BE SMART.
YEAH, THAT'S ONE OF MY GO-ES TO.
NOW YOU'RE DOING A SHOW "DISJOINTED" ON NETFLIX WITH
CHUCK LORRE AND DAVE JAVERBAUM.
>> DAVE JAVERBAUM CREATED THIS INSANE SHOW.
WE'RE ON NETFLIX NOW.
WE'RE GOING TO DROP THE NEXT 10 IN JANUARY.
>> Stephen: I THINK IT'S THE ONLY PLACE YOU CAN DO IT IS ON
NETFLIX BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE SMOKING A LOT OF WEED.
>> SMOKING WEED, SAYING THE "F" WORD, AND A (BLEEP) FREE FOR
ALL.
>> Stephen: THIS IS NOT NETFLIX.
YOU CAN'T SAY THAT HERE.
YOU CANT SAY THAT HERE.
>> NO, I SAID "F."
DID I SAY THE WHOLE THING.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY "F" HERE.
>> I THINK I SAW TOM HANKS GET BLEEPPED.
>> Stephen: ON THE SHOW?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: TOM, PHILLY MOUTH.
IT TAKES PLACE NAY POT DISPENSARY.
>> YEAH, I PLAY RUTH WHITEFEATHER, SHE'S BEEN AN
ACTIVIST EVER SINCE SHE WAS IN HER TEENS.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> AND NOW IT'S LEGAL, OR TO PARAPHRASE MICHELLE OBAMA-- WHEN
THEY GO LOW, WE GET HIGH!
( LAUGHTER ) THERE YOU GO!
>> Stephen: THERE IT IS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> AND I'VE GOT --
>> Stephen: SO ARE YOU-- ARE YOU A METHOD ACTOR?
DID YOU DO A RIDE-ALONG?
HOW DID YOU STUDY TO BE SOMEONE WHO SMOKES WEED ALL THE TIME,
KATHY WHITEFEATHER BATES?
>> I HAD A QUICK TASTE WHEN I SAT NEXT TO BILL MAHR AT A
PARTY.
IT WAS PENNY MARSHALL'S BIRTHDAY.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SIT IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HIM AND GET HIGH.
>> HE PULLED IT OUT OF HIS JACKET AND I WAS LIKE THIS!
HE SAID, "LET ME GET IT LIT FIRST."
AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU, NEVER SHARE A JOINT WITH A STRANGER
EVEN IF THEY'RE FAMOUS, ESPECIALLY BILL MAHR.
>> Stephen: WHAT HAPPENED?
>> OH, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED.
IT WAS JUST INSANE.
PEOPLE AT THE TABLE -- >> Stephen: YOU DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING YOU HAD TO APOLOGIZE FOR LATER, DID YOU?
>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I HAD TO GET TALKED DOWN BY ONE OF THE OTHER PEOPLE AT THE
TABLE.
>> Stephen: WHAT.
>> SHE HAD TO HOLD MY HAND AND SAY, "IT'S OKAY.
IT'S OKAY.
IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT.
REALLY, HONE.
IT WILL BE FINE.
JUST BREATHE."
IT WAS HORRIBLE!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS
TERRIBLE.
DID YOU BRING ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE?
( LAUGHTER ) >> BUT NOW, I HAVE BEEN DOING
RESEARCH.
THE WONDERFUL THING ABOUT DOING "DISJOINTED" IS WE HAVE A
CANNABIS CONSULTANT.
>> Stephen: LIKE IF YOU DO A COP SHOW, THERE WILL BE AN EXCOP
ON SHOW TEACHING YOU HOW THINGS GO.
>> YOU CAN DO A RIDE-ALONG.
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THE CANNABIS CONSULTANT CONSULT--
"YOU'RE SMOKING THAT WRONG?" >> YES.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YES, DOUGIE BALDWIN-- BY THE WAY HE HE IS FROM DOWN UNDER AND
SAYS, "I LOVE STEPHEN COLBERT.
YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM."
>> Stephen: YOUR POT CONSULTANT LIKES THIS SHOW?
>> NO, NO, NO, THE GUY WHO PLAYS OUR GROWER ON THE SHOW.
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY, MY / S?
>> IT MADE ME THINK ABOUT IT.
I AM NOT STONED RIGHT NOW.
I PROMISE, I PROMISE.
EVERYTHING IS GOOD.
SO DR. DEENA HAS BEEN WITH US FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.
DON'T LAUGH.
>> Stephen: DR. DEENA 4-20?
>> THAT'S HOW SHE IS IN MY BOOK.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> SHE'S REALLY LIKE RUTH.
SHE'S HAD THIS GREAT DISPENSARY FOR 15 YEARS AND BEEN WITH DAVID
WORKING ON THE SHOW FROM THE VERY BEGINNING TO GET IT RIGHT.
AT THE END OF THE FIRST DEN, WE HAVE THE D.E.A. COME IN AND
RAID, AND SHE HAD IT ON HER PHONE WHEN SHE GOT RATED WITH,
LIKE, 12 OF THESE... GUYS, YOU KNOW, ALL THE BLACK SWAT THING
COMING IN, THIS TINY LITTLE DISPENSARY WITH-- IT WAS, YOU
KNOW, SCARY.
IT WAS VERY SCARY.
>> Stephen: BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS LEGAL?
I THOUGHT IT WAS LEGAL.
>> IT'S FEDERALLY NOT LEGAL.
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
>> YOU KNOW?
THAT'S WHY YOU'VE GOT MR. YOU KNOW SESSIONS SAYING THAT HE'S
GOING TO GO OUT-- ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IS THAT WHAT YOU
JUST DID?
DID YOU DO THIS?
DO THIS?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CAN WE MOVE ON BEFORE THE FEDS
COME IN HERE AND RAID THIS SHOW?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> WELL I KNOW.
IT'S SO MUCH FUN, THOUGH!
IT'S A REAL ROMP.
YOU KNOW WE NEED THAT NOW, EVEN FOR JUST A HALF AN HOUR TO HOUR
TO JUST YOU KNOW-- THIS IS WHAT I DO.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I DO.
>> Stephen: TELL ME WHAT YOU DO.
>> AT THE VERY END OF THE WEEK AFTER WE HAD THE SHOW YOU GET
THE NEW SCRIPT, I TAKE OFF MY MAKEUP, CLIMB IN BED, GET STONED
AND READ THE NEW SCRIPT.
AND THEY'RE HYSTERICAL!
THEY'RE HYSTERICAL!
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THAT FOR THE VIEWERS.
>> DID I WHAT?
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THAT FOR THE PEOPLE
VIEWING THE SHOW?
>> FOR SOME, SOME, WE HAVE A HUGE DEMOGRAPHIC.
SO MAYBE YOUNG CHILDREN SHOULDN'T BE DOING THAT.
>> Stephen: PROBABLY NOT.
>> PROBABLY NOT.
>> Stephen: IT STUNTS GROWTH.
IT STUNTS GROWTH.
>> BUT IT'S FUN TO DO THE RESEARCH.
IT REALLY IS.
AND POT IS SO MUCH BETTER NOW!
( APPLAUSE )( CHEERS )
>> Stephen: I WOULDN'T KNOW, KATHY.
I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT I WOULDN'T KNOW.
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
NOW THEY HAVE THESE VAPE PENS,UN.
>> Stephen: I'VE SEEN THOSE.
>> AND YOU CAN CONTROL, YOU KNOW, YOUR INTAKE.
IT'S LIKE FUNCTION, NOT FUNCTION.
YOU CAN PUT THE LITTLE -- >> Stephen: IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE PLAYING A TINY LITTLE FLUTE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
EXACTLY.
>> OR YOU CAN HAVE IT IN YOUR POCKET IN A RESTAURANT AND GO...
( INHAILS ).
>> Stephen: AND YOU'RE SO HIGH--
>> OH, NO!
NOW THEY'LL KNOW WHAT I'M DOING NOW!
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
AND YOU'RE SO HIGH THAT YOU THINK NO ONE NOTICES.
( LAUGHTER ) I AM BEING SUPER COOL.
AND MEANWHILE EVERYBODY IS GOING, "KATHY BATES IS VAPING
WEED AT THE NEXT TABLE!
ASK HER FOR A HIT."
I UNDERSTAND YOU PLAY GUITAR NOW.
YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF SOME ELECTRIC GUITARS.
>> WELL, I BOUGHT A MOON STONE EAGLE.
>> Stephen: MOON STONE EAGLE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT A MOON STONE EAGLE IS?
>> HANDMEAT BACK IN THE 80s, RIGHT.
>> I'M NOT FAMILIAR.
>> Stephen: NO, NO.
YOU SURE THAT'S NOT JUST A BONG WITH STRINGS ON IT.
MOON STONE EAGLE.
SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THAT CRYSTAL GRAPHICS PUT OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) HEY, IS IT-- JONI MITCHELL.
DIHEAR YOU MET JONI MITCHELL.
>> YES, THIS IS WHAT'S SO GREAT!
THIS IS THE OTHER THING ABOUT THE SHOW.
WE HAVE AMAZING ANIMATIONS.
TONE BELL PLAYS OUR SECURITY GUARD AND HE HAS P.T.S.D.
HE WAS A VET FROM AFGHANISTAN.
SO WE TRY TO GET HIM TO, YOU KNOW, HELP HIMSELF BY SMOKE
WEED.
BUT YOU GO INSIDE HIS HEAD, AND YOU SEE ALL THESE WEIRD THINGS
HAPPENING.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW DAVE JAVERBAUM.
>> Stephen: I DID KNOW DAVE JAVERBAUM.
>> IT'S LIKE ALL THIS STUFF THAT'S IN DAVID'S HEAD.
>> Stephen: WHERE DOES JONI MITCHELL FIT IN?
>> OH, RIGHT.
I FORGOT THAT.
( LAUGHTER ) HOW AM I LOOKING?
IS IT GOING OKAY?
>> Stephen: THE RESEARCH IS CATCHING UP WITH YOU.
>> OKAY -- >> Stephen: SHORT-TERM MEMORY
LOSS, I BELIEVE IT IS.
>> WAIT A MINUTE!
DON'T CONFUSE ME.
>> Stephen: I WON'T.
>> JONI MITCHELL, WE PLAY ONE OF HER SONGS "A CASE OF YOU" IN THE
THIRD EPISODE WHEN TONE IS HAVING HIS BREAKDOWN AND SHE
CAME TO SEE THE SHOW.
I GOT TO MEET HER.
OH, MY GOD.
>> Stephen: HOW IS SHE DOING?
SHE HASN'T BEEN IN PUBLIC FOREVER.
>> OH, NO, NO, NO.
SHE CAME OUT IN PUBLIC.
WE ALMOST DANCED THE OTHER NIGHT.
SHE'S AMAZING YOU LOVE HER?
>> Stephen: I LOVE HER SO MUCH.
>> I KNOW, I GOT TO HOLD HER HAND AND I WAS LIKE, "THAT'S THE
HAND THAT MADE ALL THOSE AMAZING CHORDS."
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> SHE'S PHENOMENAL.
ARE YOU ALL TOO YOUNG TO BE?
>> Stephen: NO, THEY KNOW WHO JONI MITCHELL IS.
>> THANK GOD.
>> Stephen: WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAN THE
BAY-ESANCE.
DID YOU "AMERICAN HORROR STORY" AND YOU'RE DOING "DISJOINTED."
WHAT'S NEXT "FAST AND FURIOUS" MOVIES?
>> I DO LOVE TO DRIVE.
BUT NOT STONED.
>> Stephen: NO, OF COURSE, NOT.
>> I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND THAT.
OH, YEAH, WHAT AM I DOING NEXT?
I'M DOING A FABULOUS MOVIE CALLED "ON THE BASIS OF SEX.
OSEX."
AND IT'S WITH FELICITY JONES AND IT'S ABOUT THE YOUNG RUTH BADER
GINSBURG.
>> Stephen: AND SHE PLAYS THE YOUNG RUTH BADER GINSBURG?
>> YES, SHE LOOKS INCREDIBLE.
ARMY HAMMER PLAYS HER HUSBAND, JUSTIN THOROUGH.
AND I PLAY A WOMAN NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF.
>> Stephen: I CAN'T WAIT.
>> NO, ACTUALLY, I A PLAY A WOMAN WHO WAS BORN IN 1888!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WELL, YOU LOOK
FANTASTIC!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
LOVELY TALKING TO YOU.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: "DISJOINTED" IS AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX NOW.
KATHY BATES, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
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Kathy Bates: Never Share A Joint With A Stranger, Especially Bill Maher

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