Natasha Leggero On Pregnancy: 2017 Is A Hard Time To Be Sober

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN WHO
CURRENTLY STARS ON "DICE."
PLEASE WELCOME NATASHA LEGGERO!
HELLO!
COME UP HERE.
HERE YOU GO!
>> THANK YOU.
THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: HI.
>> HI.
>> Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK ON?
>> GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
SOMETHING IS SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST TIME WE WERE
TOGETHER.
>> JUST YOUR WAY OF TELLING ME I LOOK FAT?
>> Stephen: "GLOWING" IS THE WORD I WAS LOOKING FOR.
>> NO, I AM PREGNANT, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: OH, CONGRATULATIONS.
( APPLAUSE ) CONGRATULATIONS.
>> BUT, THE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT I'VE GAINED, I'M NOT REALLY IN
THE GLOWING STAGE.
I'M KIND OF IN THE "WHAT'S NATASHA SAD ABOUT STAGE?
HAS SHE BEEN EATING TOO MANY BURRITOS?"
>> Stephen: I DISAGREE.
I THINK YOU LOOK LOVELY.
>> OH, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> I FEEL GROSS.
>> Stephen: IS THIS YOUR FIRST CHILD?
>> IT IS MY FIRST AND MY LAST.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
THAT'S WHY YOU FEEL GROSS, YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN THROUGH THIS
BEFORE.
>> NO, NO.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF FEARS AND APPREHENSIONS
ABOUT THIS, TOO, LIKE YOUR BODY CHANGING.
>> YEAH, IT SUCKS.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: NO MATTER WHAT YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR AND COMPLAIN
ABOUT THEY GO, "THAT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL."
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: MY EYEBALLS ARE BLEEDING AND THERE'S HAIR ON MY
CHEST.
>> HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE I AM THE FATHER OF THREE CHILDREN.
>> WHY DOES THE WIFE HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY?
I'M SORRY?
I'M SORRY.
( APPLAUSE ) HOW-- HAS THIS CHANGED-- HAS
THIS CHANGED-- FOR SOME PEOPLE-- NOT EVERYBODY, I REALIZE-- BUT
FOR SOME PEOPLE IT CHANGES WHAT THEY WANT TO EAT, WHAT THEY WANT
TO DRINK.
ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF.
>> I'VE HAD REALLY BAD CRAVINGS FOR DRUGS.
( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN, THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME
TO BE SOBER.
YOU KNOW?
>> Stephen: NO.
NO.
>> LIKE -- >> Stephen: YEAH.
>> BUT THEN I WAS THINKING, I WAS THINKING, STEPHEN, WHAT IF I
HAD, LIKE, A LITTLE TOAK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE, MAYBE THE KID WILL HAVE A FEW GLITCHES, BUT THE BAR'S BEEN
SET SO LOW, IT COULD STILL GROW UP AND BECOME THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ARE OF AMERICA!
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
♪ ♪ ♪ I WOULD LOVE IT!
>> LITERALLY, ANYBODY CAN BECOME PRESIDENT.
WHAT AN INTERESTING TIME WE'RE LIVING IN.
>> Stephen: YES, WHAT AN INTERESTING FORM OF HOPE.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, YOU'RE-- YOUR HUSBAND, WAS
A FRIEND OF THE SHOW.
HAS BEEN ON SINCE THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU.
HE'S A COMEDIAN.
YOU'RE A COMEDIAN.
IS IT SORT OF PREDETERMINED THAT YOUR CHILD WILL BE A COMEDIENNE,
OR DO YOU HAVE HIGHER ASPIRATIONS?
( LAUGHTER ) >> I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE, LIKE,
PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE MORE OF?
I FEEL LIKE I'M KIND OF AFRAID OF MY GENE S.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> YOU KNOW, LIKE, THE PEOPLE I'M RELATED TO WHAT, IF IT COMES
OUT LIKE ONE OF THEM.
>> Stephen: LIKE UNCLE-- LIKE UNCLE PHIL OR SOMETHING?
IS THERE-- DO YOU WANT TO NAME SOME NAMES?
>> YEAH, IT'S PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA.
EQUAL WL, YOU KNOW, LIKE MY BROTHER LIFLTZ IN A VAN THAT HE
PUT AN ADDRESS ON.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU PUT AN ADDRESS ON A VAN?
>> YOU PULL IT UP TO SOMEONE WHO HAS A HOUSE AND PUT A SIGN UP
WITH A HALF-SIGN OF THEIR ADDRESS.
>> Stephen: NO WAY.
THAT'S POSSIBLE?
>> HE DID IT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: I KNOW HOW I'M SPENDING MY RETIREMENT.
>> MY AUNT, SHE HAS TO BORROW HER DAUGHTER'S CAR BECAUSE HERS
HAS A BREATHALYZER ATTACHED TO IT.
>> Stephen: OH, YOU HAVE TO BLOW ON IT BEFORE THE CAR WILL
GO.
>> YEAH, THE STATE PUT IT ON YOUR KERR HAPPEN YOU DON'T HAVE
PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY LIKE THAT?
>> Stephen: YEAH, BUT THEY WATCH THE SHOW.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I'M GOING TO SEE THEM EVENTUALLY.
AND I'M JOKING, OBVIOUSLY.
THERE ARE NONE.
YOU TOURED WITH YOUR HUSBAND THIS SUMMER.
THAT IS SOMETHING I'VE NEVER DONE WITH MY WIFE.
YOU ACTUALLY WENT OUT AND GIGGED WITH HIM.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THAT LIKE TO BE STUCK IN THE VAN WITH YOUR
LOVED ONE?
>> IT WAS FUN.
I MEAN, ONE PROBLEM IS HE WAS CONSTANTLY ON HIS PHONE.
LIKE, HE WAS CONSTANTLY TEXTING AND DRIVING.
I ALREADY KNOW THAT'S HOW HE'S GOING TO DIE.
I'VE WRITTEN HIS OBITUARY-- HE DIED DOING WHAT HE LOVED ARGUING
WITH AN OUT-OF-STATE STRANGER ON FACEBOOK.
SO SAD.
HE GETS INTO THESE ARGUMENTS ON FACEBOOK.
>> Stephen: DID YOU PRY THE WHEEL AWAY FROM HIM AT ANY POINT
GIMEAN, WHAT CAN YOU DO?
LIKE, IS YOUR WIFE ALWAYS ON THE PHONE, OR ARE YOU GUYS NOT LIKE
THAT?
>> Stephen: NO, MY WIFE IS PERFECT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SHE'S WATCHING THE SHOW.
PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!
SHE'S ALSO-- SHE'S ALSO CRUEL AND SEXY.
THOSE ARE THE ADJECTIVES.
>> OH, OKAY, THAT'S NICE.
>> Stephen: IS SHE PREFERS, SHE PREFERS.
I THINK SO.
>> HE'LL DO THIS THING, WE'RE DRIVING IN THE CAR-- HE'LL BE
DRIVING, IT'S HIS CAR, HIS PHONE WILL RING, I'M SITTING IN THE
PASSENGER STREET HE ANSWERS IT ON BLUETOOTH, THIS IS HOW HE
SWOORS JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ON SPEAKER!
JUST SO YOU KNOW!
NATASHA IS IN THE CAR."
ARE YOUR FRIENDS CALLING YOU UP, "YOUR WIFE IS A BITCH.
9/11 IS AN INSIDE JOB.
ABORTION SHOULD BE ILLEGAL.
BRO."
GIRLS DON'T DO THAT.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T WARN THAT SOMEBODY IS IN THE CAR WITH
YOU?
>> NOT LIKE THAT.
IT'S NOT LIKE AN AMBER ALERT.
( LAUGHTER ) ARE.
>> Stephen: KEEP IT-- KEEP IT LIGHT, NATASHA.
I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT, YOU KNOW, WE'RE DOING THIS PUBER-ME
CHALLENGE RIGHT NOW.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: TO RAISE MONEY FOR PUERTO RICO.
IT TURNS OUT YOU WENT THROUGH PUBERTY.
>> YOU KNOW, I WAS BORN GLAMOROUS, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: I HAVE PROOF NOT ONLY DID YOU GO THROUGH PUBERTY,
BUT THERE YOU GO.
YOU COULD TUNE IN RADIO MOSCOW.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> I MEAN -- >> Stephen: THAT IS ADORABLE!
>> WHAT IS THAT?
I USED TO HAVE TO SLEEP WITH THEY'VE NIGHT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE MAN TRYING TO KEEP YOUR SMILE DOWN
RIGHT THERE.
THAT'S-- YOU WERE BLOND WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER?
>> MY MOM HAD ME GET A PERM AND HIGHLIGHTS.
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE SAID MY HAIR WAS TOO FINE.
I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: IT'S ADORABLE.
HOW OLD ARE YOU RIGHT HERE?
>> THERE I'M 32.
>> Stephen: OH, VERY LATE-ONSET.
VERY LATE HAD-ONSET.
NOW YOU'RE IN SEASON TWO OF "DICE" A SERIES WITH ANDREW DICE
CLAY.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WE HAD DICE ON HERE.
>> HE'S AN INSANE PERSON.
>> Stephen: HE CAME ON, LIKE, A MONTH AGO, AND I'VE BEEN IN
COMEDY FOR 30 YEARS.
HE SHOCKED ME, STUFF WE COULDN'T-- WE COULDN'T EVEN
BLEEP IT.
WE HAD TO JUST LIFT IT OUT OF THE SHOW IT WAS TOO DIRTY.
>> HE IS SO ACCIDENTALLY FUNNY AND PURPOSEFULLY FUNNY.
I WENT INTO A RITE-AID WITH HIM.
HE STOLE A BUNCH OF CANDY AND HE COMES OUT OF THE RITE-AID AND
TAKES ALL THE CANDY OUT OF HIS POCKET AND I SAID, "DO YOU NEED
TO BORROW $5?" AND HE SAID, "IT TASTES BETTER
WHEN IT'S FREE."
WHO THINKS LIKE THAT?
>> Stephen: DO YOU YOUR FAMILY, YOUR PARENTS,
GRANDPARENTS, IF THEY'RE STILL WITH US, DO THEY WATCH YOU ON
THE "DICE" SHOW?
>> I TEXTED MY MOM RECENTLY TO ASK HER IF SHE WAS WATCHING.
DO WE HAVE OUR TEXT CHANGE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT THIS IS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I LOVE THE IDEA OF A LIBRARIAN --
>> Stephen: THIS IS YOUR MOM?
YOUR MOM GETS HER TV FROM THE LIBRARY?
>> SHE'S VERY SUPPORTIVE, BUT SHE DOES GET MOST OF HER MEDIA
FROM THE PUBLIC LIBRARY.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> IN ILLINOIS.
>> Stephen: WOW.
( APPLAUSE ) YES, WHY NOT.
THEY'LL ALL BE GONE, SOON.
>> Stephen: WHERE IN ILLINOIS?
>> ROCKFORD, ILLINOIS.
>> Stephen: LOVELY, CHEAP TRICK IS FROM THERE.
THAT'S THE ONLY THING I KNOW ABOUT THEM.
>> Stephen: THE SEASON FINALE OF "DICE" AIRS THIS SUNDAY
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Natasha Leggero On Pregnancy: 2017 Is A Hard Time To Be Sober

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