Robert Mueller Wants The Pee-Pee Tape

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
YOU CAN'T KEEP A FRIDAY CROWD DOWN.
IT'S NOT POSSIBLE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S PHYSICALLY NOT POSSIBLE!
I AM WITH ALL OF YOU ON THAT.
I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND.
BUT YOU KNOW WHO NEVER RESTS?
SPECIAL COUNSEL AND SASSY SAM WATERSTON, ROBERT MUELLER.
MUELLER IS THE FORMER F.B.I.
DIRECTOR IN CHARGE OF INVESTIGATING RUSSIAN
INTERFERENCE IN OUR 2016 ELECTION, AND WE LEARNED THIS
WEEK THAT HE IS NOW PROBING THE TRUMP-RUSSIA DOSSIER.
OKAY, WHAT IS IN THIS DOSSIER?
WELL, IT INCLUDES A WEALTH OF INFORMATION ON A SERIES OF--
IT'S THE PEE-PEE TAPE!
IT TALKS ABOUT THE PEE-PEE TAPE!
( APPLAUSE ) ALLEGED.
IT'S THE INFAMOUS REPORT COMPILED BY FORMER BRITISH
INTELLIGENCE OFFICER AND A MAN WHOSE PORN NAME IS HIS NAME,
CHRISTOPHER STEELE.
CHRISTOPHER STEELE TO PERFORM?
OH, IT WAS A PERFORMANCE?
WOW, THE RUSSIAN BALLET REALLY IS DIFFERENT.
WHAT NEW YORKER WOULD FLY 2,000 MILES TO WATCH SOMEONE PEE?
IT'S FREE ON THE L TRAIN!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES.
"I HAVE SOME SANDWICHES."
OKAY, NOW, PART OF THE REASON MUELLER MIGHT BE INVESTIGATING
THE DOSSIER IS THAT THE SENATE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE
SAID YESTERDAY THAT THEY'VE BEEN UNABLE TO SECURE AN INTERVIEW
WITH STEELE AND SAY THAT THEY'VE HIT A WALL ON THE ISSUE.
OF COURSE, HOUSEKEEPING HATES IT WHEN YOU HIT THE WALL.
IN RESPONSE-- YOU'LL CATCH UP.
YESTERDAY-- NO, STOP RIGHT THERE.
YESTERDAY, TRUMP TWEETED, "I TOTALLY DID IT.
I LOVE THE PEE-PEE.
ENJOY!
#MAGA!" AND I'M BEING TOLD THEY TOTALLY
MADE THAT UP, BECAUSE HERE'S WHAT HE REALLY TWEETED: "WHY
ISN'T THE SENATE INTEL COMMITTEE LOOKING INTO THE FAKE NEWS
NETWORKS IN OUR COUNTRY TO SEE WHY SO MUCH OF OUR NEWS IS JUST
MADE UP, FAKE!" LAUGH
"AND WHILE THEY'RE AT IT, HOW COME YOU NEVER SEE COOKIE
MONSTER'S LEGS?
TOTAL CONSPIRACY."
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Robert Mueller Wants The Pee-Pee Tape

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