Thank You Notes: Pumpkin Patches, Couples Halloween Costumes

-I was running a little bit behind.
I was wondering if you guys don´t mind,
can I write out some thank you notes right now?
[ Cheers and applause ]
James, can I get some thank you note writing music, please?
[ Soft piano music ]
[ Laughter ]
He´s all business. He´s all business.
-Wow.
His haircut´s business in the front,
business in the back. -He´s all business.
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-It´s all -- -All business.
-All beer and almonds with that guy.
-Yep, beer --
[ Laughter ]
[ Soft piano music ]
-Thank you, pumpkin patches, for basically saying,
"Hey, kids, let´s go take glamour shots
in front of some dead fruit."
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Soft piano music ]
Thank you, waking up the morning after Halloween
and seeing your costume on the floor,
for making it look like I had a one-night stand
with a Ninja Turtle.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Donatello, yeah.
-Hello.
[ Soft piano music ]
-Thank you, when my friends don´t text back
after 20 seconds.
It´s nice to know you absolutely hate my guts.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-What did I do? -What´d I say, man?
Did I say something wrong?
-What could I have said to him?
[ Soft piano music ]
-Thank you, couples Halloween costumes,
for being a fun way to make your single friends
feel even lonelier.
[ Laughter ]
Happy Halloween.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Soft piano music ]
Thank you, cereal, for being the only food
you have to drown before eating.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Soft piano music ]
Thank you, "Suburbicon," for hitting theaters this week,
and for sounding like the world´s lamest Transformer.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Turns into a --
-[ Robotic voice ] Turn into a minivan.
-[ Robotic voice ] Netflix and chill.
[ Light laughter ]
[ Soft piano music ]
[ Normal voice ] Thank you, trying to get a bartender´s
attention, for forcing everyone at the bar to compete in a game
of who can make eye contact the hardest.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, man, how you doing? How´s it going?
Take two of a --
[ Applause ]
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
[ Soft piano music ]
-Thank you, staple removers, for looking like you´re going to
suck the blood out of my other office supplies.
There you have it, those are my thank you notes!
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Thank You Notes: Pumpkin Patches, Couples Halloween Costumes

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