Trump Doesn't Agree With 'We The People'

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HEY, HEY, REMEMBER THAT TIME
WHEN REX TILLERSON CALLED DONALD TRUMP A MORON?
LAYOFF LAUGH WE WERE SO YOUNG BACK THEN.
WELL, NOW WE KNOW WHY TILLERSON SAID IT.
WE KNEW IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE MILITARY OR THE
PENTAGON.
IT WAS KIND OF VAGUE, BUT HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.
APPARENTLY, OVER THE SUMMER, TRUMP MET WITH TOP MILITARY
OFFICIALS AND SAID HE WANTED A NEARLY TENFOLD INCREASE IN THE
U.S. NUCLEAR ARSENAL.
A TENFOLD INCREASE?
EXCUSE ME WHILE I ONE-FOLD INTO THE FETAL POSTION.
( LAUGHTER ) HE KNOWS WE CAN ALREADY END ALL
LIFE ON EARTH, RIGHT?
THE COCKROACHES WILL SURVIVE, WHICH IS GOOD NEWS FOR STEVE
BANNON.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT 10-FOLD?
A 10-FOLD INCREASE.
WHY TEN-FOLD.
WHY NOT 1,000-FOLD?
IS TEN JUST HOW HIGH HE CAN COUNT?
"I WANT IT MORE BY THIS MANY."
THIS MANY RIGHT HERE.
THIS MANY.
HOW MANY IS-- GOTTA GET IN THE LIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HERE'S HOW WE SHAMBLED TOWARD
THE BRINK THIS TIME.
THIS SUMMER, THE MILITARY BRASS SHOWED THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF A
CHART ILLUSTRATING "THE STEADY REDUCTION OF U.S. NUCLEAR
WEAPONS SINCE THE LATE 1960s.
TRUMP INDICATED HE WANTED A BIGGER STOCKPILE, NOT THE BOTTOM
POSITION ON THAT DOWNWARD-SLOPING CURVE."
"I AM NOT THE BOTTOM OF ANY CHART, OKAY?
I WANT MOST NUKES, HIGHEST SEA LEVELS, BIGGEST MISTAKES,
I WANT THE WHITEST SUPREMACISTS AVAILABLE.
MARCHING IN-- I WANT IT.
THEY'RE SAYING I'M GOING TO HAVE IT.
THEY'RE SAYING I'M GOING TO HAVE IT."
I'M SWATTING AT FLIES MOST OF THE TIME.
I THINK THERE ARE FLIES AROUND ME."
NOW, SOME PEOPLE IN THE MEETING SAY "THEY DID NOT TAKE TRUMP'S
DESIRE FOR MORE NUCLEAR WEAPONS TO BE LITERALLY INSTRUCTING THE
MILITARY TO INCREASE THE ACTUAL NUMBERS."
OKAY, SO HE WASN'T SPEAKING LITERALLY.
HE WAS SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY.
"WE MUST INCREASE THE NUCLEAR STOCKPILES IN OUR HEARTS SO THAT
TOGETHER WE CAN DROP WARHEADS OF COMPASSION THROUGHOUT THE WORLD,
AND TURN EVERY NATION INTO A SMOLDERING PILE OF LOVE."
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THIS MORNING, TRUMP DENIED
HE EVER SAID ANY OF THAT STUFF, TWEETING: "FAKE @NBCNEWS MADE UP
A STORY THAT I WANTED A 'TENFOLD' INCREASE IN OUR U.S.
NUCLEAR ARSENAL.
PURE FICTION, MADE UP TO DEMEAN.
NBC EQUALS CNN!" "NBC EQUALS CNN, WHICH IS THE
SQUARE ROOT OF ABC DIVIDED BY QVC TO THE POWER OF BET, AND BY
THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTY THAT MEANS VH1 IS NOW ANIMAL PLANET."
THAT'S SCIENCE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S-- THAT'S--
♪ ♪ ♪ SCIENCE!
ANYWAY, IT'S A LONG WALK.
THAT WAS A LONG WALK.
SORRY.
THEN LATER, LATER-- SAME DAY, SAME INTERVIEW.
LET'S JUST SAY LATER.
TRUMP REAFFIRMED HIS COMMITMENT TO THE FIRST AMENDMENT.
>> IT'S, FRANKLY, DISGUSTING THE WAY THE PRESS IS ABLE TO WRITE
WHATEVER THEY WANT TO WRITE AND PEOPLE SHOULD LOOK INTO IT.
>> Stephen: SIR, FOR THE RECORD, PEOPLE DID LOOK INTO IT.
IN FACT, "WE THE PEOPLE" LOOKED INTO IT AND THOUGHT, "YEAH, THEY
SHOULD WRITE WHATEVER THEY WANT."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) VERY SHORT READ.
BUT, EVIDENTLY, "HIM THE PEOPLE," FEELS DIFFERENTLY,
TWEETING: "WITH ALL OF THE FAKE NEWS
COMING OUT OF NBC AND THE NETWORKS, AT WHAT POINT IS IT
APPROPRIATE TO CHALLENGE THEIR LICENSE?"
INTERESTING QUESTION.
I HAVE TWO FOLLOW-UPS: WHEN IS IT APPROPRIATE FOR TWITTER TO
DEACTIVATE THE ACCOUNT OF A PRESIDENT WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE IN
THE FIRST AMENDMENT ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND CAN THAT BE YESTERDAY?
COULD THAT-- TRUMP ALSO TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY
TO CALM A WORRIED NATION, ABOUT, YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY DYING.
>> I THINK I HAVE A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT ATTITUDE ON NORTH
KOREA THAN OTHER PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE, AND I LISTEN TO EVERYBODY.
BUT, ULTIMATELY, MY ATTITUDE IS THE ONE THAT MATTERS, ISN'T IT?
I THINK PERHAPS I FEEL STRONGER AND TOUGHER ON THAT SUBJECT THAN
OTHER PEOPLE, BUT I LISTEN TO EVERYBODY
AND, ULTIMATELY, I WILL DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR THE UNITED
STATES AND, REALLY, WHAT'S RIGHT FOR THE WORLD.
>> Stephen: "WITH THE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION OF SOUTH KOREA AND
JAPAN, BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE JUST TOO DARN CLOSE TO WHERE WE'RE
GOING TO, YOU KNOW.
( IMITATING BOMB EXPLODING ) SAD."
We've Reached A New Level Of 'Angry Trump' Tracey Ullman Impersonates Angela Merkel, Teresa May & More The USA Actually WILL Be At The World Cup! Luke Evans Snuck A Selfie With Stephen's Wife Deleted Scenes From Eminem's Trump Diss Bob Corker Gives Trump A Taste Of His Own Medicine: A Twitter Insult Stephen's Analysis Of The New 'Star Wars' Trailer Andrew Garfield Says The World Doesn't Need Movie Stars Tracee Ellis Ross Does Not Drink Coffee, Somehow Stephen Goes One-On-One With 'President Jump Shot'

Trump Doesn't Agree With 'We The People'

Latest Posts