LET'S GET RIGHT INTO IT.
PRESIDENT TRUMP FINALLY TRAVELED TO PUERTO RICO TODAY AMID
CRITICISM OF HIS RESPONSE TO HURRICANE MARIA, 95% OF THE
ISLAND IS STILL WITHOUT POWER.
SO TO MAKE SURE THE PEOPLE OF PUERTO RICO DON'T MISS OUT ON
HIS CRAZY TWEETS, DONALD TRUMP WENT THERE TO DELIVER THEM IN
PERSON.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS IS SAD!
THAT IS SAD!
HE WAS THERE TO HELP.
BUT AS SOON AS TRUMP HEARD PEOPLE SPEAKING SPANISH, HE
THREATENED TO DEPORT THEM ALL TO MEXICO.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT HE WAS FINALLY THERE.
HE WAS READY TO HELP.
OF COURSE HE WAS ON HIS BEST BEHAVIOR.
I'M KIDDING.
HE COMPLAINED ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY IT WAS COSTING.
>> I HATE TO TELL YOU, PUERTO RICO, BUT YOU'VE THROWN
OUR BUDGET A LITTLE OUT OF WHAT CAN BECAUSE WE'VE SPENT A LOT OF
MONEY ON PUERTO RICO, AND THAT'S FINE.
>> James: THE BUDGET IS OUT OF WHAT CAN, NO ONE WOULD KNOW MORE
ABOUT THAT THAN THE GUY WHO FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY SIX
SOMETIMES.
( APPLAUSE ) THERE WAS THIS WEIRD MOMENT IN A
CHURCH WHERE MUCH NEEDED SUPPLIES WERE UNLOADED.
DONALD TRUMP TOOK OUT SOME PAPER TOWELS AND STARTED TO SOFTLY LOB
THEM INTO THE CROWD LIKE HE WAS SHOOTING HOOPS.
I BELIEVE WE'VE GOT A PHOTO.
LOOK AT THAT.
NOW, I DON'T WANT TO SAY HE'S OUT OF TOUCH, BUT WHEN TRUMP
PICKED UP THE PAPER TOWELS, HE WAS, LIKE, THIS IS FUN!
WHAT ARE THESE THINGS?
WHAT TOWELS MADE OF PAPER?
CRAZY!
( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP LOOKS AWKWARD THROWING
PAPER TOWELS WHICH IS SURPRISING CONSIDERING HIS SON DONALD, JR.
IS THE BRAWNY PAPER TOWEL MAN.
( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP ALSO HAD WORDS OF
ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THE LOCALS AS HE HELPED THEM OUT.
HERE'S WHAT HE TOLD SOME HURRICANE SURVIVORS AFTER GIVING
OUT SUPPLIES.
>> WE'RE GOING TO HELP YOU OUT.
THANK YOU.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.
>> James: HAVE A GOOD TIME?
IT'S A FLOOD AREA, NOT A WATER PARK!
( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP'S TELLING YOU TO HAVE A
GOOD TIME.
YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, NOT A MEMBER OF
KOOL & THE GANG!
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN D.C., REMEMBER HOW
DURING THE ELECTION THE TRUMP FAMILY MADE A HUGE DEAL ABOUT
HILLARY CLINTON USING PERSONAL EMAIL?
WELL, NOW, OFFICIALS HAVE DISCOVERED YET ANOTHER PERSONAL
EMAIL ACCOUNT THAT JARED KUSHNER AND IVANKA TRUMP HAVE BEEN USING
FOR OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE BUSINESS, BRINGING THE TOTAL TO
THREE.
THEY HAVE THREE ACCOUNTS.
HOW MUCH E-MAILING ARE THESE TWO DOING THAT YOU NEED THREE
ACCOUNTS?
POTTERY BARN DOESN'T SEND THESE MANY E-MAILS.
THEY KEEP FINDING MORE ACCOUNTS.
THIS IS EITHER A MASSIVE BREACH OF PROTOCOL OR JARED KUSHNER IS
LIKE THE REST OF US AND CAN'T REMEMBER PASSWORDS.
CURB M.I.T.AR 81, CURB DOG 83?
FORGET IT, I'LL HOP A NEW ACCOUNT.
( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY A DATA BREECH THAT
YAHOO PREVIOUSLY SAID AFFECTED JUST A PORTION OF THEIR USERS
ACTUALLY AFFECTED ALL THREE BILLION YAHOO ACCOUNTS.
I KNOW, EVEN CRAZIER, ALL THREE BILLION YAHOO EMAIL ACCOUNTS
BELONG TO JARED KUSHNER.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS IS SERIOUS.
YOU GUYS REALIZE WHAT THIS DATA BREECH MEANS.
IT MEANS WHOEVER HACKED MY YAHOO ACCOUNT NOW HAS ACCESS TO
MY MySpace PASSWORD.
I DON'T WANT TO THINK OF WHAT THEY'LL DO WITH MY FRIENDSTER.
I KNEW YOU WERE A FRIENDSTER GUY!
( LAUGHTER ) A COMPANY IS MAKING PRANCE TO
INTRODUCE SOMETHING CALLED THE DAD BAG.
IT'S BASICALLY -- IT'S A FANNY PACK DESIGNED TO GIVE WEARERS A
DAD BOD.
I'M SERIOUS.
TAKE A LOOK.
I MEAN, IT'S A NEW KIND OF FANNY PACK DESIGNED TO MAKE YOU LOOK
LIKE A DAD.
OR AS THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN CALLED, A REGULAR FANNY PACK.
BUT A WORD OF ADVICE, REMEMBER THERE IS A BELLY BUTTON ON
THERE.
IF YOU BUY ONE OF THESE FANNY PACKS, MAKE SURE TO WEAR IT ON
THE FRONT.
( LAUGHTER ) IF YOU WEAR IT ON THE BACK, IT
LOOKS LIKE THIS. ( LAUGHTER )
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