Weekend Update on GOP Healthcare Bill

>> THERE WAS NO VOTE ON THE HEALTH CARE BILL WHICH MEANS
THAT THE OBAMACARE REPEAL IS OFFICIALLY DEAD.
BUT IS IT? I MEAN IT'S BEEN DEAD LIKE THREE
TIMES ALREADY AND IT KEEPS COMING BACK LIKE A JASON MOVIE.
AT THIS RATE WE'RE ONLY A FEW YEARS AWAY FROM "FREDDY VS.
HEALTHCARE." AND THAT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF
ME BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW WHO DIES FIRST IN THOSE MOVIES.
>> NOT ME. >>> HUGH HEFNER PASSED AWAY THIS
WEEK AT THE AGE OF 91. HE WILL BE BURIED IN A FOLDER
MARKED "WORK STUFF". >> OCTOBER IS BLINDNESS
AWARENESS MONTH. SO DON'T FORGET TO SAY YOU ARE
WEARING A RIBBON. >> THEY ARE NOT GOING TO SEE
THIS. SAUDI ARABIA ANNOUNCED ON
TUESDAY THAT IT IT WOULD BEGIN ALLOWING WOMEN TO DRIVE.
WOW, THAT'S ONLY A FEW SHORT YEARS AFTER CARS WERE ALLOWED TO
DRIVE THEMSELVES. >> MAINTENANCE WORKERS IN
BALTIMORE SAY THEY HAVE CLEARED A 140 TON FATBERG FROM THE SEWER
SYSTEM WHICH IS MADE UP OF CONGEALED FAT AND WASTE THAT
WILL NOT BREAK DOWN. GOOD NEWS BALTIMORE, THE McRIB
IS BACK. >> AND HOST TEST IS UNVEILING
NEW FLAVORS OF THEIR SNACK CAKES INCLUDING WHITE FUDGE DING
DONGS. FIGHT FUDGE DING DONGS IS WHAT
THEY CALL WEEKEND UPDATE IN CHINA.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT'S MORE RACIST TO.
>> A NEW REPORT SHOWS THAT 2016 HAD THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF
SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES EVER REPORTED.
BEATING THE RECORD PREVIOUSLY HELD BY KID ROCK.
>> PAUL IS HERE, THE WEATHER IN NEW YORK HAS BEEN UNSEASONABLY
WARM. HERE TO GIVE US LATE SUMMER
DATING ADVICE IS A GUY WHO JUST BOUGHT A BOAT.
>> HEY. HEY COJO, LL COOL JOST, CJ 1.
RELAX, BRO, JUST A NICKNAME A LITTLE RIB, FOR THEIR PLEASURE.
VERY TIGHT TO BE BACK. VERY TIGHT.
>> ALL RIGHT, MAN, YEAH, WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANY WARM WEATHER
DATING ADVICE FOR EVERYONE? >> ROCK A QUALITY FRAYING.
I'M TALKING COLOGNE, JOST. YOU GOT YOUR AMR KROMS, T HILL
FRIGS, ACTION BOAST SPRAY. ANYTHING THAT WILL TURN HER NOS
INTO A YES. I HAVE A SMALL PENIS.
LET'S TALK REALISTIC FOR YOUR REAL DATE.
IT'S ALL ABOUT LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION.
YOUR BEST BET, A RUE TABA. >> WHAT?
>> >> A RUE TOEBA. IT IS LIKE A REGULAR BAR BUT
BETTER, I'M ROTTEN LAY. O 2 IS OUR GO TO, IF YOU REALLY
WANT TO DRIVE IT HOME SPRINGED FOR BATTLE SERVES.
MY DONG SUCKS. >> WAIT WHAT WAS THE LAST THING
YOU SAID. >> I SAID SPRING FOR BOTTLE
SERVES AND MY DONG SUCTION. TRY TO KEEP UP.
ITTATION A VILLAGE. WHEN IT COMES TO GRADE A NOBODY
POPS THE CORK BETTER THAN MY COUSIN, THE GUY WHO JUST JOINED
SOHO HOUSE. >> AYE AYE, CAPTAIN BLACKOUT
REPORTING FOR BOOTY. JUST KIDDING, COLONEL, TRY NOT
TO GET LOST AT SEA, JOST. >> AS A MEMBER OF THE SOHO, HO,
THAT'S SOHO HOUSE. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE A MEMBER TO
GET IN. NOTHING GETS YOUR MEMBER IN LIKE
A SLOOZY CLUE. >> SCLUZY CLUE.
>> THAT'S EXCLUSIVE CLUB. I HAVE A SHAMEFUL SHNOZ.
WHEN THE WEATHER IS UNSEASONABLE, SHE WON'T BE
UNREASONABLE. RISING TEMPERATURES MAKE THE
LADIES WANT TO SOAK UP YOUR VITAMIN D, MINE IS HORRIBLE.
WITH THE COMMA LADDIE AND LONGI, COMMA AGAIN.
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT SHE WILL BE UNDER YOUR DUVET SAYING THOSE
MAGIC WORDS "IS IT IN YET? "AND IT USUALLY IS.
>> THIS IS DATING ADVICE FOR EVERYONE?
>> SI, SEENIOR COMPADRE, LITTLE ESPANOL FOR YOU.
>> GREAT. >> WE PICKED IT UP DURING OUR
SEMESTER AT BARCELONA. I'M TERRIBLE AT SEX.
>> BY THE WAY, LOW AND HE IS PANNIA FOR A STRAIGHT SENIOR
YEAR. >> WE WERE INVOLVEDISH IN A
VEHICLE MS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
>> I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS IN A. >> THOSE EURO CHICKS GO LOCO FOR
A CHORE EASO AMERICANO. I CAN GO THREE PUFFERS TOPS.
I NEVER FORGET WHAT THAT ONE CHICK TOLD ME ABOARD MY VESSEL.
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Weekend Update on GOP Healthcare Bill - SNL

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