How Millennials Are Killing the Diamond Industry

(suspenseful music)
(dripping blood)
- Oh hi, concerned economy,
thanks for meeting me in my lair,
sorry about the mess, I've been supes busy,
ooh, sorry, manners, you don't know who I am,
I'm that killer millennial you keep talking about,
you know, the one who's killing
all the super essential industries,
that you have now deemed as able to be living,
oh man, are my ears burning,
you and the news just keep talking about me,
but no one is asking me my murderous side of the story,
so today I'm gonna tell you why I'm killing
one of your favorite industries, the diamond industry.
Maybe you remember when The Economist
caused an uproar on Twitter, when it asked
the super relatable and understandable question,
why aren't millennials buying diamonds? (laughs)
'Cause diamonds deserve to (expletive) die,
made ya flinch.
(suspenseful music)
Hey, diamond industry, I'm honestly pretty surprised
that you even wonder why our generation
doesn't wanna keep playing into your greedy hands,
because you've caused mayhem and death
with your diamond mines, you exploit miners
and families and put individuals in danger,
not to mention ruining the ecosystem
with all of that mining and for what?
A rock that you placed an arbitrary value on,
oh right, I forgot to mention, because
(suspenseful music)
you made up the fact, that diamonds are worth tons of money
by using a clever marketing scheme to convince people,
that they have to buy your diamonds to get married,
in fact, you created a diamond scarcity,
so that you could jack up the price,
but you can easily make diamonds,
so everything you are doing is for nothing and we know that,
but maybe you're feeling attacked right now,
good!
(suspenseful music)
The millennial generation dealt with the toughest economy
since the Great Depression,
millennials earn 20% less than the previous generation
did at the same point in their lives,
which means that we are playing catch up
and will likely never achieve the standard of living,
that our prior generation was able to
and thanks to all the help our government
keeps trying to take away from us, you know,
like how they keep trying to repeal out healthcare
and give tax cuts to the rich,
the rich being people like you guys,
you know, the diamond industry,
we are simply trying to pay off bills and school debt,
1.3 trillion dollars worth of national debt in fact,
or keep roofs over our head and food on the table,
yet you still wonder
why we don't want your inedible, ruthless diamonds.
(screaming woman)
Ah, that's the next industry I gotta take care of,
I'll tell you about it next time
on A Word From a Killer Millennial,
alright, I gotta go,
there's a lot of pointless industries,
that we, the new generation get to decide
whether we will keep paying for
and, oh, sorry, as you say, kill,
you know, because you think businesses are people,
they're alive, they're people too, they're not. (laughs)
(scary music)
6 Bizarrely Specific Commercial Tropes That Need to Die What Would Happen If the World Suddenly Became Vegetarian? Why The Right Is So Dishonest About American History - Some News (Thanksgiving, Football) Terrifying Things Nobody Tells You About Pregnancy - Cracked Responds The Crazy Breakfast Club Fan Theory That Might Be True The Weirdest Part Of Westworld Isn’t The Robots (Illogical Conclusion) 5 Industries Millennials Want To Kill If Juice Cleanse Ads Were Honest (Detox, Master Cleanse) Why Did Millennials Ruin Everything? 7 Questions We Have for Stranger Things - Cracked Responds

How Millennials Are Killing the Diamond Industry

Latest Posts