How to Save the Jurassic Park Franchise

- [Narrator] According to the ineffable science
of my own private movie formula,
Jurassic World is 37 percent good, also known as bad.
I hated Jurassic World, and people who like it are wrong.
But wait, before you write your angry YouTube comment,
just hear my crazy theory for fixing it.
Then, you know, say whatever you want.
Zara Young, played by Katie McGrath,
and seen here being eaten by a pterosaur and a mosasaurus,
should have been the hero of Jurassic World
instead of this Pratt and this Dallas Howard.
And here's why.
Chris Pratt is a velociraptor trainer
which sounds amazing, but in practice
he's just kind of a jerk.
- You wanna consult here or...
in my bungalow?
- [Narrator] Bryce Dallas Howard is a business woman,
and she prioritizes money over human lives
for the entire movie.
- [Owen] Evacuate the island.
- We'd never reopen.
- Zara, however, is just chock full of hero qualities.
First off, she's ambitious like Dr. Grant,
Dr. Sattler, and Dr. Malcolm, the heroes of
the other Jurassic Park movie.
Second, she's talented since she's assistant
to the Operations Manager of Jurassic World.
That means she's somewhere in her late 20's,
but her job involves dinosaurs.
While most millennials are lucky to afford
their own studio apartment, she has a job
that involves dinosaurs.
Sure, she doesn't love being around kids,
but we can forgive that.
After all, we found it endearing when Dr. Grant
pantomimed gutting a high schooler alive
in his first scene.
And finally, she's thoughtful, as we learn here.
That's Ian Malcolm's book, and you know it's
got to be a tough read.
Remember how that guy talks.
- See here, I'm now by myself talking to myself.
That's chaos theory.
- [Narrator] Of course, it's not like he's
gonna have anything nice to say about Jurassic World
considering it's full of animals
that almost killed him twice.
So we know Zara is thoughtful, introspective,
and capable of change.
Now factor in the fact that relationships
and family concerns are central to each character.
The kids are afraid of their parents' divorce.
Claire doesn't want to have a family at all.
And Owen is kind of a creep who
doesn't know how to talk to people.
- In my bungalow?
- Zara, however, is the key that meaningfully
connects all these character traits.
She's young enough to relate to the kids,
not quite as work obsessed as Claire,
but a bit more responsible than Owen.
They could all learn from each other by bonding
maybe over a rollicking adventure
involving running from dinosaurs and...
Oh, or she could abruptly suffer the most violent
death in the franchise before the story even
gets going.
That's cool too, whatever.
Granted, what I'm suggesting here would require
extensive re-writes and re-shoots.
But I'm confident, it would double Jurassic World's score
to 74 percent good, which is pretty good.
Certainly nothing to sneeze at.
- God bless you!
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How to Save the Jurassic Park Franchise

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