Ivanka Trump's Thanksgiving Centerpiece: A Giant Clam

( LAUGHTER ) NOW, IF YOUR FAMILY'S COMING
OVER THIS THANKSGIVING AND YOU'RE NOT READY, DON'T WORRY.
THERE'S STILL TIME TO WORRY.
AND ONE WEBSITE OUT THERE IS READY TO ANSWER ALL YOUR TURKEY
DAY QUESTIONS.
IT'S ivankatrump.com, WHICH HAS LOTS OF LIFESTYLE ADVICE, LIKE
"FIVE WAYS TO MAKE GREAT SMALL TALK."
"MY DAD'S THE PRESIDENT.
I HAVE AN OFFICE IN THE WHITE HOUSE; YET, I'M NOT COMPLICIT.
DID YOU MAKE THESE POTATOES?" AND TO GET READY FOR
THANKSGIVING, THE BRAND TWEETED OUT AN IDEA FOR A FUN AND EASY
LAST-MINUTE TABLE CENTERPIECE.
"HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DECORATE YOUR THANKSGIVING TABLE?
PROBLEM SOLVED."
ALL YOUR PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED BECAUSE IVANKA'S WEBSITE
SUGGESTS THAT YOU ZAZZ UP YOUR THANKSGIVING TABLE WITH
A GIANT TRASH CLAM.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S A SHELL FROM A GIANT
SALTWATER CLAM.
AND ACCORDING TO ivankatrump.com "THEY'RE EVERYWHERE RIGHT NOW IN
HOME DECOR."
YOU KNOW WHERE THEY AREN'T EVERYWHERE?
THE OCEAN.
BECAUSE GIANT SALTWATER CLAMS ARE ENDANGERED.
"OH, MY GOD.
I LOVE YOUR CENTERED PIECE.
IT'S ONE OF A KIND 'CAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST ANYMORE!"
AT LEAST THE CLAM IS REUSABLE.
ACCORDING TO THE ARTICLE, FOR CHRISTMAS LAST YEAR, THEY
"FILLED THE ENTIRE CLAM SHELL WITH TINY PINK AND TURQUOISE
ORNAMENTS."
ivankatrump.com REALLY IS YOUR NUMBER-ONE SOURCE FOR IDEAS ON
HOW TO HUMILIATE CLAMS.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THEY ALSO HAVE
NON-CLAM-RELATED DECORATING TIPS.
IF YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THE PHOTO, EACH-OF-THE-GUESTS' PLATES
THERE'S A TINY WHITE PUMPKIN.
IT COMBINES THE LOOK OF SOMETHING UNAPPEALING WITH THE
PRACTICALITY OF SOMETHING YOU CAN'T EAT.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THIS WEBSITE DOESN'T JUST
CATER TO HEIRESSES AND SOCIALITES.
ALSO WORKING WOMEN, WHICH IS WHY THEY ADVISE YOU TO
"AIM FOR AFFORDABLE."
YEAH, THERE'S NO NEED TO SPEND $3,000 FOR YOUR GIANT CLAM
SHELL.
YOU'RE A WORKING MOM.
JUST GRAB ONE FOR $1,300.
"SORRY, KIDS.
WE DON'T HAVE TURKEY FOR THANKSGIVING.
IT ALL WENT INTO THE CLAM BUDGET.
BUT IT'S AN INVESTMENT.
NEXT YEAR, YOU CAN FILL IT WITH PINK AND TURQUOISE ORNAMENTS."
( LAUGHTER ) AND YOU CAN SNAG PLACE SETTINGS
JUST LIKE THE ONES ON ivankatrump.com FOR A THRIFTY
"$350 PER GUEST."
WOW, FOR $350, I WANT THAT CLAM TO SING ALL OF "HAMILTON," AND I
WANT TO BE CALLED "CLAMILTON."
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
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Ivanka Trump's Thanksgiving Centerpiece: A Giant Clam

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