John Leguizamo Teaches 'Latin History For Morons'

MY FIRST GUEST IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR CURRENTLY ON
BROADWAY IN HIS ONE-MAN SHOW "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS."
PLEASE WELCOME JOHN LEGUIZAMO!
♪ ♪ ♪( APPLAUSE )
>> WOW.
YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE, MAN.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH, IT'S A PACKED HOUSE FOR LEGUIZAMO
NIGHT.
>> SOLD OUT, BABY!
YEAH!
NICE!
>> Stephen: WELL, WE'RE NEIGHBORS NOW BECAUSE FOR THE
PEOPLE OF HOME WHO DON'T KNOW THIS, WE'RE RIGHT ON 53rd
STREET HERE, BETWEEN 53rd AND 54th--
>> WE SHARE THE SAME AIR CONDITIONING BECAUSE IT'S AS
COLD IN MY THEATER AS IT IS HERE.
>> Stephen: IT'S 50 DEGREES.
THE AUDIENCE IS LIKE CELERY-- YOU HAVE TO KEEP THEM CRISP.
YOU'RE IN STUDIO 54 RIGHT NEXT DOOR HERE.
>> YEAH!
>> Stephen: NOW, IS THAT AN OLD HAUNT FOR YOU.
OBVIOUSLY, THAT WAS A FAMOUS CLUB, WERE YOU THERE WITH BIANCA
AND HALSTON.
>> I WAS IN THERE TRYING TO GET IN THERE SO BAD BECAUSE OF ALL
THE GOOD STUFF HAPPENING IN THAT CLUB.
>> Stephen: DID YOU REALLY?
>> DUDE, I WOULD GET MY MOM'S MASCARA, PAINT OVER MY PATHETIC
MUSTACHE, STUFF MY SHOES -- >> Stephen: WHY DID YOU STUFF
YOUR SHOES?
>> SO I COULD BE TALLER.
BIG FEET.
>> Stephen: BIG FEET, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
EXACTLY.
STUFF YOUR SHOES!
WOW.
>> THAT TOO!
THAT TOO!
IS THERE YOU SEE THE ARCHES ON THAT GUY!
SO ANYWAY-- >> I WOULD COME OUT WITH THESE
TWO MODELS, LIKE LATIN MODELS, GINA AND LAURIE, AND THEY'RE
NEXT TO ME, AND I'M STANDING THERE WITH MY FAKE I.D., THAT I
GOT IN TIMES SQUARE.
AND I THE GUY GOES, "HER AND HER."
AND I SAID, "WHAT ABOUT ME?" AND THEY FLAT LEAVE ME-- THAT
MEANS LEFT ME.
AND THEY GO INSIDE AND I'M LIKE, GINA, LAURIE!"
THEY DON'T EVEN TURN BACK.
"I BROUGHT YOU HERE!
YET.
>> Stephen: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
THEY WENT IN AND HAD FUN, THE ORGIES AND DRUGS.
I DIDN'T GET ANY OF THAT.
I GOT ON THE SUBWAY AND WIPED MY MASCARA AWAY.
THAT'S WHAT I GOT.
>> Stephen: ORGIES ARE OVER-RATED MY FRIEND?
>> ARE THEY.
>> Stephen: THEY ARE.
>> ARE THEY.
>> Stephen: TOTALLY OVER-RATED.
TOTALLY OVER-RATED.
I ALWAYS DECLINE.
>> OH, GOOD.
>> Stephen: IT'S CHICKEN OR FISH OR ORGY, I GO, "I'LL TAKE
THE FISH."
>> WITH A NICE TV SHOW.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU WERE LAST YEAR WAS IN OCTOBER OF 2016.
REMEMBER THAT?
>> OH!
GREAT TIMES, MAN.
OH!
>> Stephen: IT WAS A LIVE SHOW.
AND IT WAS THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE NIGHT.
WE WERE ON RIGHT AFTER THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND AT THE TIME YOU WERE LIKE, "KIND OF BORING,
TWO OLD WHITE GUYS TALKING TO EACH OTHER."
IS IT STILL BORING?
>> NO, NOW IT'S FRIGHTENING.
IT'S TERRIFYING, MAN, BEING A LATIN MAN IN THIS ADMINISTRATION
IS TERRIFYING.
LUCKILY FOR ME TRUMP HAS A POSITIVE SIDE TO HIM.
HE'S LIKE-- HE'S LIKE THE ENEMA OF THIS COUNTRY WHO IS GOING TO
RELEASE ALL THE MISOGYNY AND HOMOPHOB JAANTHONY ANDERSON AND
RACISM OUT OF THE ANUS OF AMERICA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES.
NO ON ORGY S.
>> Stephen: NO ON ORGIES.
NO ON-- NO ON THAT, TOO.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S HAPPENING IS VERY UNPLEASANT, BUT
AFTERWARDS -- >> THE CLENSING.
IT WILL BE ALL CLEAN.
>> Stephen: UNBELIEVABLE.
UNBELIEVABLE.
THEY'RE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OF THIS TO CUT OUT OVER
THERE-- ORGIES, ENEMAS.
WELCOME TO CBS.
HOME OF THE "MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW."
OH, MY GOD!
SO, WHERE ARE YOU FROM, ORIGINALLY?
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
>> IMCOLOMBIAN PUERTO RICAN.
>> Stephen: DO YOU STILL HAVE FAMILY IN PUERTO RICO?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE THEY DOING?
>> THEY'RE DOING ALL RIGHT.
THEY'RE DOING FINE.
THE WATER COMES IN INTERMITTENTLY, AND THE POWER
COMES IN INTERMITTENTLY.
WE'RE TRYING TO RAISE A LOT OF FUNDING AND MONEY.
WE SENT 5,000 SOLAR LIGHTS.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> SO KIDS CAN READ AT DISMIET DO THEIR HOMEWORK.
SO WE'VE BEEN DOING THAT.
I DO A COLLECTION.
>> Stephen: GROWING UP HERE-- WAS IT QUEENS?
>> JACK SOB HEIGHTS.
>> Stephen: GROWING UP IN QUEENS, AS A KID, WERE YOU
ALWAYS, BEING A LATINO IN THE UNITED STATES, WERE YOU ALWAYS
IN TOUCH WITH YOUR HERITAGE?
WERE YOU, LIKE, PROUD OF YOUR LATINLATINO HERITAGE?
>> YOU KNOW-- I'M DOING DOING "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS" FOR
HELPED ME BRIDGE THIS-- WE'RE ALL MORONS.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW SHOW AT STUDIO 54 CALLED "LATIN
HISTORY FOR MORONS."
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WERE YOU A MORON ABOUT THIS?
>> ABSOLUTELY!
I MEAN, I GREW UP IN QUEENS.
THERE WAS A LOT OF WHITE FLIGHT-- THAT'S WHITE PEOPLE
LEAVING-- WE WERE MOVING IN.
SO IT WAS LIKE REVERSE GENTRIFICATION.
( LAUGHTER ) AND WE WERE MOVING IN AND, YOU
KNOW, YOU'RE PLAYING STOOP BALL WITH YOUR FRIENDS, PLAYING OFF
THE WALL, AND YOU BEAT THEM, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY SAY, "GET
OUT OF MY COUNTRY" YOU KNOW, THIS AND THAT.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY BACK, YOU KNOW.
BUT DOING THE RESEARCH AND HISTORY OF "LATIN HISTORY FOR
MORONS," I FELT LIKE I AM AN AMERICAN.
I'M SO AMERICAN IT HURTS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: LIKE, WHAT ARE
SOME ASPECTS -- IF YOU DON'T MIND ME, I DON'T WANT TO GIVE
EXWAIG EXWG AWAY FROM THE SHOW-- IS THERE SOME ASPECT OF LATINO
HISTORY IN THE UNITED STATES THAT WE MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT THAT
WOULD SURPRISE US?
>> DUDE, IT WAS SHOCKING.
WE HAD PEOPLE WHO FOUGHT IN EVERY SINGLE WAR THIS COUNTRY
HAS EVER HAD, AND WE'RE THE MOST DECORATED MINORITY IN EACH AND
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE WARS.
HOW INCREDIBLE IS THAT?
>> Stephen: ALL OF THEM?
ALL OF THEM.
>> CIVIL WAR, AMERICAN REVOLUTION, WAR OF 1812 --
>> Stephen: COME ON.
1812?
>> WE WERE THERE.
NOBODY CARES, WE WERE THERE.
KOREAN WAR, WORLD WAR I, WORLD WAR II.
NOBODY CAN TELL ME I'M LESS AMERICAN.
NOT THOM TILLIS OF NORTH CAROLINA.
SENATOR THOM TILLIS OF NORTH CAROLINA WHO SAID HISPANICS AND
BLACKS ARE NOT TRADITIONAL AMERICANS.
AND STEVE KING OF IOWA, A CONGRESSMAN, SAID ALL GREAT
THINGS IN CIVILIZATION HAVE ONLY BEEN DONE BY WHITE CHRISTIANS.
>> Stephen: WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND DEFEND
THEM TO YOU, JOHN.
>> I DARE YOU!
>> Stephen: I KNOW YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A FIGHT.
THAT WAS MY OLD SHOW.
>> I'M A PEOPLE MAN.
>> Stephen: WHEN WE SAY "LATIN HISTORY," WHAT DOES THAT
ENCOMPASS?
BECAUSE PEOPLE OFTEN SAY, "WELL, YOU KNOW, THE HISPANIC RACE--"
THERE IS NO HISPANIC RACE.
THERE IS A CULTURE.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THERE IS A CULTURE, SO WHAT DOES LATIN
HISTORY-- ARE WE GOING ALL THE WAY BACK TO FERDINAND AND
ISABELLA, THE INC. AN EMPIRE AND OUR CONTRIBUTION TO AMERICAN--
IN THE SELF-WAR, WE HAD 40,000 PEOPLE FOUGHT IN THE NORTH AND
SOUTH-- THEY GO WHERE WERE-- I'M NOT GOING TO STAND HERE AND
DEFEND THAT, EITHER.
>> Stephen: SO, SO, THERE WERE LATIN SOLDIERS FIGHTING FOR BOTH
THE CONFEDERACY AND THE UNION.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: ARE THERE ANY STATUES OF LATINO CONFEDERATES
ANYWHERE IN THE COUNTRY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO CALL TO BE PULLED
DOWN RIGHT NOW?
>> HOW ABOUT STATUES TO THE LOSERS?
YOU CAN'T HAVE STATUES TO THE LOSERS?
I MEAN, THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION-- WE DON'T HAVE STAT
USE OF KING GORGE.
HE'S LOST!
HE'S OUT.
WORLD WWORLD WAR I, THE PEOPLE W LOST.
WE DON'T HAVE STAT USE.
OTHERWISE, THE METS WOULD HAVE A STATUE EVERY YEAR.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HE SAID IT NOT ME.
>> THEY TURNED ON ME.
>> Stephen: THEY TURN OW.
THEY DON'T TURN ON ME.
>> I'M A METS FAN!
I HURT INSIDE.
SOME DAY WE'LL WIN!
>> Stephen: NOW, YOU DO IMPRESSIONS IN THIS SHOW.
YOU DO YOUR WIFE.
YOU DO YOUR THERAPIST.
>> YEAH, MY THERAPIST.
>> Stephen: YOU DO YOUR DAUGHTER.
YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE IMPRESSIONS?
>> SINCE I WAS LITTLE, MAN, IT GOT ME OUT OF TROUBLE.
THE BULLIES WOULD TRY TO BEAT ME UP AND I'D GO, "DID YOU WATCH
THE JERRY LEWIS SHOW."
HOW NICE, LADIES.
HELLO, DEAN!
"YEAH, DUDE, DO SOMETHING ELSE?" HOW ABOUT RICKY RICARDO.
YOU LOVE "I LOVE LUCY."
"LUCY DON'T DO THAT TO ME."
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THEN THEY DON'T LET YOU LEAVE.
LIKE, YO, MAN, I GOTTA GO.
MY MOM'S WAITING.
SHE'S GOT DINNER."
"DO ANOTHER ONE."
WHAT ABOUT BRANDO.
"I COULD HAVE BEEN SOMEBODY."
>> Stephen: I LEARNED THE SAME THING IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I LEARNED WHILE YOU'RE MAKING THEM LAUGH THEY DON'T ACTIVELY
PUNCH YOU.
>> AND THEN THEY FORGET.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT THAT BRIGHT.
"I WAS GOING TO DO SOMETHING TO YOU, BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT
IT IS.
IT WILL COME TO ME.
BUT YOU STAY RIGHT THERE."
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS THEY AM MOST JEALOUS-- I'M
JEALOUS OF MANY THINGS ABOUT YOU-- YOUR TALENT.
BUT ONE OF THE THINGSES THAT MAKE MEAS MOST JEALOUS, THE
GREATEST CARICATURES OF MY LIFETIME, AL HERSHFELLED, I DID
NOT GET FAMOUS FAST ENOUGH TO GET A HERSHFELLED DONE FOR ME.
>> I BEAT YOU.
>> Stephen: LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFUL-- THESE ARE YOU
CAPTURED BY THE GREAT HERSCHFELLED.
>> THIS WAS ONE OF THE GREAT HONORS.
HE DID ARTHUR MILLER -- >> Stephen: WHERE IS THE NINA?
HE WOULD HIDE NINA SOMEWHERE IN THE DRAWINGS.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE NINA IS HERE?
>> I DIDN'T GET A NINA BECAUSE MINE ARE UNPUBLISHED.
HE PASSED AWAY BEFORE MINE WERE PUBLISHED.
I GOT TWO BUT THEY WERE UNPUBLISHED.
>> Stephen: SO THERE'S NO NINAS IN THOSE?
>> NO, THERE'S NO 19 AS IN THOSE.
>> Stephen: WELL...
>> DON'T LOOK DOWN ON THEM!
>> Stephen: NO, I FEEL BETTER.
NO, I FEEL BETTER, THANK YOU.
NO, NO-- >> NO, THERE'S NO NINAS, BUT
THEY'RE STILL HOT.
I'M STILL PROUD OF THEM.
I DON'T CARE.
>> Stephen: YOU SHOULD BE.
>> HE RUINED THE GREAT THING I HAD.
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T RUIN THE GREAT THING!
I DIDN'T RUIN THE GREAT THING.
I'M STILL JEALOUS.
>> SORT OF.
NOT AS JEALOUS.
"LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS" IS ON BROADWAY AT STUDIO 54 NOW.
JOHN LEGUIZAMO, EVERYBODY!
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John Leguizamo Teaches 'Latin History For Morons'

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