The GOP's Bonkers 'Uranium One' Chart

NOW THAT TRUMP IS BACK FROM ASIA, HE CAN GET BACK TO THE
MAIN BUSINESS OF HIS PRESIDENCY BEING INVESTIGATED BY
ROBERT MUELLER.
OF COURSE, SOME REPUBLICANS ARE LOOKING TO GET RID OF MUELLER,
LIKE TEXAS REPUBLICAN AND MR. BURNS AFTER BOTOX,
LOUIE GOHMERT.
DURING JEFF SESSIONS' TESTIMONY BEFORE THE HOUSE JUDICIARY
COMMITTEE THIS WEEK, GOHMERT TRIED TO GEL MUELLER AND OTHERS
FROM THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT DISQUALIFIED FROM INVESTIGATING
THE PRESIDENT BY CLAIMING THEY WERE IN CAHOOTS WITH HILLARY AND
THE RUSSIANS.
AND YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE BECAUSE HE HAD A CHART.
>> MY TIME IS RUNNING OUT, BUT WE'VE GOT A CHART HERE THAT
SHOWS JUST HOW INTEGRAL THE RELATIONSHIP IS WITH
MR. ROSENSTEIN, MR. MUELLER, AND TO THIS WHOLE "URANIUM ONE"
THING.
IT SURE STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN.
>> Stephen: YEAH, IT DOES STINK, BECAUSE LOUIS GOHMERT JUST
CHARTED.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
LOUIS GOHMERT, STUPID BUT DEADLY.
AND GOHMERT'S CHART SHOWS A FASCINATING WEB OF OF LIES,
DECEIT, MOONS, STARS, AND CLOVERS.
SO LET'S DIG INTO IT.
BRING IT OUT, GUYS!
LET'S SEE THAT CHART!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OKAY, BEHOLD THE MOUTH OF
MADNESS.
THIS IS THE ACTUAL CHART LOUIS GOHMERT HELD UP.
LET'S PLAY CANDYLAND.
NOW, IF YOU START HERE AT OBAMA AND FOLLOW THE LINE OVER, YOU
GET TO WHITE HOUSE STAFFER BEN RHODES, THEN FOLLOW THIS LINE UP
AND TO THE LEFT, AND DOWN AND OVER YOU GET ANOTHER OBAMA!
MY GOD, THERE ARE TWO OF THEM!
IS THE SECOND ONE STILL ELIGIBLE TO BE PRESIDENT?
PLEASE?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OBAMA, OBAMA, OKAY.
NOW, LUCKILY FOR THE BARACKS OBAMA, THERE ARE ALSO TWO OBAMA
STATE DEPARTMENTS, ONE DOWN HERE, OKAY.
AND THIS ONE UP HERE, WHICH IS SO OUT OF CONTROL,
THAT IT'S BREECHED THE CONFINES OF ITS CONSPIRACY DIAMOND.
NOW, MOST OF THESE CONNECTIONS ARE PRETTY STRAIGHT LINES-- FOR
INSTANCE, THE ONE THAT GOES STRAIGHT FROM ATTORNEY GENERAL
ERIC HOLDER TO VADIM MIKERIN.
DOWN HERE.
NOW, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHO THAT IS, WHICH IS GOOD,
BECAUSE I CAN'T.
BUT SOME OF THE LINES ARE TRICKIER, LIKE THE LINK BETWEEN
THE CLINTON FOUNDATION HERE.
THEN IT STARTS ZIGGIN' AND ZAGGIN' ALL THE WAY TO THE SCARY
GREY OVAL "ROSATOM," WHICH I BELIEVE WAS ROSEANNE AND TOM
ARNOLD'S CELEBRITY COUPLE NAME.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
ALL RIGHT?
NOW, OF COURSE, DOTTED LINES INDICATE A MORE TENUOUS LINK.
NATURALLY ON CHARTS.
THESE ARE UNPROVEN TENUOUS LINKS.
AND THERE'S NO WAY TO CONFIRM A CONNECTION BETWEEN THE JUSTICE
DEPARTMENT AND THE ATTORNEY GENERAL HOLDER DOWN HERE.
DOWN HERE IS "TENEX," WHICH IS THE NAME OF A
RUSSIAN ENERGY COMPANY.
BUT IT'S ALSO THE NAME OF AN A.D.H.D. DRUG, WHICH MAY HAVE
BEEN WHAT WHOEVER MADE THIS CHART WAS SNORTING.
UP HERE-- COME WITH ME NOW!
COME WITH ME!
WOOOO!
IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!
WOOO!
DADDY'S ON FIRE!
UP HERE, IT SAYS "FAST AND FURIOUS," WHICH I THINK IS WHAT
THEY'RE SHOWING AT THE MOVIE THEATER ON THIS MALL MAP.
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT: THE COMPLEX NETWORK OF POWER AND
CASH THAT HILLARY CLINTON CYNICALLY LEVERAGED TO GAIN
COMPLETE CONTROL OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
BUT IT'S ALL JUST A COLORFUL DISTRACTION FROM THE REAL STORY:
THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN'S TIES TO RUSSIA.
LUCKILY, I'VE GOT MY OWN CHART TO LAY OUT THAT SCANDAL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OKAY.
NOW, WATCH CAREFULLY AS I SHOW YOU THE COMPLEX LINK BETWEEN OUR
PRESIDENT AND RUSSIA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LOUIS GOHMERT, GIVE ME A CALL IF THIS IS TOO COMPLICATED FOR YOU.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT!
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The GOP's Bonkers 'Uranium One' Chart

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