Trump Auditions for The Lion King

-I want to say, first of all, congratulations
to the Houston Astros, who won the World Series last night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
What a great week for our guest tonight, Jose Altuve.
He is the -- He´s here tonight.
The shortest player in Major League Baseball.
First, he wins the World Series,
then he found out he´s going to Disney World.
Then he heard that he´s tall enough
to ride almost all the roller coasters.
Almost. -Almost all of them. Almost.
-But everyone´s talking about this.
After the game, the Astros´ Carlos Correa
was talking to reporters
when he decided to make the night even more special.
Watch this.
-And right now I´m about to take another big step in my life.
Daniella Rodriguez, you make me the happiest man in the world.
Will you marry me? -Oh, my God.
-Aww.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That´s too beautiful.
It´s a good thing they won, ´cause his backup plan was
hiding the ring in some bread sticks at the Olive Garden.
And I think that was a better one.
It was a great moment, but when he saw an athlete take a knee,
Mike Pence immediately left the stadium.
He´s like, "All right. That´s it.
Mother! Come along, Mother!
I won´t stand for this riffraff."
[ Laughter ]
I saw that President Trump
leaves for a 12-day trip to Asia tomorrow.
It got off to a bad start when he asked,
"How long is the drive?
Are we taking the choo-choo or the beep-beep?"
"What?"
"I love choo-choos."
[ Laughter ]
Okay. Well, this is exciting.
Disney just announced the cast
for their remake of "The Lion King."
[ Cheers and applause ] It´s big.
Keegan-Michael Key. We love him.
Beyoncé as Nala.
Seth Rogen as Pumbaa.
But there´s one guy that didn´t get cast
who said that he could have played all of the characters.
Donald Trump. And I´ll show you what I mean.
Watch this.
-I´m very disappointed in you.
-I´m really disappointed in you, man.
-What´s going on here?!
-What´s going on here?
-Who are you? -Who are you?
-I saved you. -I saved you.
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no. -No, no, no. No, no.
-[ Snarling ]
-Raaaahhhh!
♫♫
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Ah. -Come on!
-I needed that.
Finally, I saw that Starbucks just unveiled its holiday cups,
which have illustrations
that customers can color in themselves.
It´s perfect for people who are too busy
to make their own coffee at home
yet still have enough time to color in a coffee cup.
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots!
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Trump Auditions for The Lion King - Monologue

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