Trump Calls Japan 'A Country Of Samurai Warriors'

WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
I'M SO GLAD TO BE WITH YOU TONIGHT.
SO WONDERFUL TO BE HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BECAUSE I'VE BEEN FEELING AN
EMPTINESS, A GREAT VOID, BUT IT LEFT THE COUNTRY ON FRIDAY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
DONALD TRUMP IS ON A 13-DAY TRIP THROUGH ASIA.
FOX AND FRIENDS HAS ONE LESS VIEWER.
( LAUGHTER ) ON HIS WAY TO ASIA, HE STOPPED
OFF IN HAWAII.
OF COURSE, THAT'S OBAMA'S HOME STATE.
HE'S VERY POPULAR THERE, SO PEOPLE THERE DIDN'T WANT TO SAY
TO TRUMP, "ALOHA."
THEY WANTED TO SAY, "ALOHA."
( LAUGHTER ) LOOK IT UP.
( PIANO RIFF ) ( APPLAUSE )
TRUMP FLEW TO A U.S. AIRBASE OUTSIDE TOKYO TO DELIVER A
STRONG MESSAGE TO AMERICA'S ENEMIES:
>> NO ONE, NO DICTATOR, NO REGIME AND NO NATION SHOULD
UNDERESTIMATE EVER AMERICAN RESOLVE.
EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE IN THE PAST THEY UNDERESTIMATED US.
IT WAS NOT PLEASANT FOR THEM, WAS IT?
( CHEERING ) IT WAS NOT PLEASANT.
>> STEPHEN: "ANYONE WHO MESSES WITH US GETS WHAT'S COMING TO
THEM.
JUST ASK JAPAN.
WHAT'S THAT?
WHERE AM I RIGHT NOW?" ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) SORRY.
OOPSY DAISY.
AFTER THAT, IT WAS TIME FOR TRUMP TO MEET WITH JAPANESE
PRIME MINISTER AND GUY WHO REALLY THOUGHT HE'D BE TALKING
TO HILLARY CLINTON RIGHT NOW, SHINZO ABE.
NOW, WITH THE NORTH KOREA SITUATION HEATING UP, JAPAN
REALLY NEEDS THE U.S. ON ITS SIDE.
SO ABE LAUNCHED A FULL FRIENDSHIP OFFENSIVE.
FIRST, HE MADE THEIR B.F.F.
STATUS OFFICIAL BY SPEAKING TRUMP'S NATIVE LANGUAGE--
HAT!
( LAUGHTER ) IT SAYS, "DONALD AND SHINZO MAKE
ALLIANCE EVEN GREATER."
( LAUGHTER ) YEAH.
THAT'S PERFECT.
WE ALL KNOW, HISTORIANS KNOW ALL THE BEST DIPLOMACY WAS
ACCOMPLISHED VIA HEAD GEAR.
DON'T FORGET THE GREAT GEAR ROOSEVELT GAVE OUT AT YALTA.
( LAUGHTER ) THEN THE TWO BEST FRIENDS FED
THE COY FISH AT THE ROYAL PALACE.
FEEDING THE KOI IS A TIME HONORED TRADITION, MUCH LIKE THE
TEA SERVICE, WHEREIN THE MEDITATION OF THE MOVEMENT IS
RESONANT WITH THE SHINTO-- OKAY, SUCK ON IT, YOU FAT FISH.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
PRETTY GOOD.
THEN ABE REALLY TURNED ON THE CHARM OFFENSIVE, TREATING TRUMP
TO A ROUND OF GOLF THEN REMINDING DONALD ABOUT IT AT
THAT NIGHT'S RECEPTION.
>> WHEN YOU PLAY GOLF WITH SOMEONE NOT JUST ONCE BUT FOR
TWO TIMES, THE PERSON MUST BE YOUR FAVORITE GUY.
>> STEPHEN: ALRIGHT, SHINZO, LEAVE SOME OF THE "STROKES" ON
THE GOLF COURSE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: OH!
CLARENCE THOMAS.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: AND TRUMP HAS
SHOWN CONCERN OVER JAPAN'S NATIONAL SECURITY.
WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE MISSILES THAT NORTH KOREA HAS BEEN FIRING
OVER JAPAN, TRUMP SAID HE DIDN'T GET "WHY A COUNTRY OF SAMURAI
WARRIORS DID NOT SHOOT DOWN THE MISSILES."
"DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A SAMURAI, COULD BE A NINJA, A POWER
RANGER, GODZILLA... MR. MIYAGI.
( LAUGHTER ) WAX ON, WAX OFF."
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Trump Calls Japan 'A Country Of Samurai Warriors'

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