Trump's Name For His Tax Bill Is So... Trumpy

WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
I AM SO PROUD TO BE COMING TO YOU FROM NEW YORK CITY, WHICH
YESTERDAY SAW A COWARDLY TERRORIST ATTACK.
NEW YORKERS DON'T NOT TERRIFY EASY.
NEW YORKERS GOT BACK TO WHAT THEY DO BEST: DRESS UP LIKE BUZZ
LIGHTYEAR AND GET BLACKOUT DRUNK ON A TUESDAY, BECAUSE WE
THE HALLOWEEN PARADE MARCHED ON.
THE STREETS WERE FILLED WITH SINGING, DANCING, AND VOMIT!
YOU CANNOT STOP NEW YORKERS?
>> WE STILL PUT ON OUR SEXY BUMBLEBEE COSTUMES, AND HOOKED
UP WITH A GUY WHO WAS EITHER CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG OR
SMOKEY THE BEAR.
IT WAS PRETTY DARK IN THAT PORTA POTTY.
THE POINT IS WE GO ON.
LAST NIGHT THE PRESIDENT TWEETED ABOUT THE ATTACK.
LAST NIGHT HE SHARED HIS THOUGHTS AND CONDOLENCES.
THIS MORNING IT WAS TIME FOR POLITICS:
"THE TERRORIST CAME INTO OUR COUNTRY THROUGH WHAT IS CALLED
THE 'DIVERSITY VISA LOTTERY PROGRAM,' A CHUCK SCHUMER
BEAUTY.
I WANT MERIT BASED."
WE ALL WANT MERIT BASED, SIR, BUT YOU'RE STILL THE PRESIDENT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) "I-- I-- I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT
JOKE AT ALL.
I DON'T GET IT."
THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST DIVISIVE RESPONSES TO AN ATTACK ON
AMERICAN SOIL SINCE PAUL REVERE'S FAMOUS CRY, "THE
BRITISH ARE COMING, THE BRITISH ARE COMING, A JOHN HANCOCK
BEAUTY."
DONALD TRUMP ALSO TOOK SOME TIME TO TWEET ABOUT HIS PROPOSED TAX
CUT: "THE REPUBLICAN HOUSE MEMBERS
ARE WORKING HARD-- AND LATE-- TOWARD THE MASSIVE TAX CUTS THAT
THEY KNOW YOU DESERVE.
THESE WILL BE BIGGEST EVER!" "HARD," "LATE," "BIGGEST EVER"--
OH, HE KNOWS SEX SELLS, WHICH EXPLAINS WHY BUDGET DIRECTOR
MICK MULVANEY CAME TO WORK TODAY DRESSED LIKE THIS:
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Jon: WHOA!
WHOA!
>> Stephen: HE LOOKS GOOD.
SUPER CUT.
>> Jon: HE'S GREASED UP.
>> Stephen: HE'S WAXED AND OILED.
YOU HAVE TO, IT'S GOOD FOR THE LEATHER.
OILY TORSO IS GOOD FOR THE TORSO.
YOU RUB IT ON A PIECE OF LEATHER.
THAT'S WHY MY COUCH IS SO NICE.
FANTASTIC, SLIDES RIGHT OFF.
BUT THE REPUBLICANS HAVE BEEN HAVING TROUBLE FINALIZING THE
BILL.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT TODAY, BUT THEY DELAYED IT TILL
TOMORROW.
AND NOW WE KNOW WHY-- BECAUSE TRUMP AND LEADERS CAN'T AGREE ON
A NAME FOR THE BILL.
APPARENTLY, CALLING IT "THE KOCH BROTHERS ALL-AMERICAN,
UP-TRICKLIN', CASH-GRAB-A-RAMA" WAS A LITTLE ON THE NOSE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: THAT'S WHAT IT IS!
>> Stephen: WHEN THE WHOLE PROCESS STARTED, HOUSE
SPEAKER PAUL RYAN KICKED THE NAMING OVER TO TRUMP BECAUSE OF
HIS PENCHANT TOWARDS BRANDING.
YES, HE'S A BRANDING GENIUS.
WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THESE INVENTIVE NAMES: "TRUMP TOWER,"
"TRUMP STEAKS," "TRUMP UNIVERSITY,"
"DONALD TRUMP JR."?
HE'S A POETET.
HE'S A WEAVER OF DREAMS.
SO WHAT DID TRUMP COME BACK WITH?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE ACTUAL NAME OUR PRESIDENT
PROPOSED FOR HIS TAX BILL: "THE CUT CUT CUT ACT."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THAT NAME TRULY SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS.
( LAUGHTER ) IN RESPONSE, PAUL RYAN, NOT
BEING INSANE, PUSHED BACK ON THE NAMING OF THE BILL.
HOWEVER, TRUMP HAS HELD FIRM AND HAS BEEN INSISTENT THAT THE BILL
BE CALLED, ONE MORE TIME, "THE CUT CUT CUT ACT."
ALTHOUGH, RYAN DID MANAGE TO CONVINCE THE PRESIDENT NOT TO
SPELL "CUT CUT CUT" WITH THREE Ks.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, WE-- THANK YOU.
VERY NICE.
IT'S JUST-- >> Jon: YOU DON'T WANT THOSE
"K"s.
I AIN'T MESSING WITH THE "KING" >> Stephen: WE STILL DON'T KNOW
THE FINAL NAME, BUT IF TRUMP DOESN'T GET HIS WAY THIS TIME,
HE'LL INSIST USING HIS CHOICE FOR THE NEXT DEFENSE SPENDING
BILL: "THE BOOM BAM CHUCK NORRIS
KARATE CHOP HIYAAA! BILL OF 2017."
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Trump's Name For His Tax Bill Is So... Trumpy

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