Dang, That Pedophile Rode In On A Horse?

>> Stephen: WELCOME, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
A LOT OF EXCITEMENT.
GREAT AUDIENCE.
I CAN'T BLAME THEM.
FIRST OF ALL, HAPPY HANNUKAH, EVERBODY. TODAY'S THE FIRST
NIGHT OF HANNUKAH, WHEN GOOD JEWISH BOYS AND GIRLS SPRING
FROM THEIR BEDS TO SEE THEIR PARENTS GOING TO WORK BECAUSE
THEY DON'T HAVE THE DAY OFF.
IT'S ALSO A BIG ELECTION DAY IN ALABAMA.
AND NOW IT'S OFFICIAL: ROY MOORE IS OR IS NOT OUR NEWEST U.S.
SENATOR.
LONG BEFORE THE POLLS CLOSED.
ONE THING WE DO KNOW IS HOW ROY MOORE GOT TO THE POLLS.
HE ARRIVED ON HORSEBACK!
YES!
AND I JUST WANT TO SAY TO ROY MOORE, "HELLO YOU AND THE HORSE
YOU RODE IN ON."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HERE'S A BIT OF AN EYEBROW
RAISER: THE HORSE'S NAME IS SASSY.
WELL, I MEAN, THAT IS A LOVELY NAME FOR A MAGAZINE TARGETED AT
TEENAGE GIRLS.
"HIYO, SASSY!
OFF TO THE MALL!" ♪ ♪ ♪
( CLAPPING )( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OBJECT WORK!
APPARENTLY, RIDING TO THE POLLS ON HORSEBACK IS A FAMILY
TRADITION.
OH, ROY MOORE LOVES TRADITIONS FROM THE 1800s, LIKE CHILD
BRIDES AND THE DRED SCOTT DECISION.
>> Audience: OOOH!
>> Jon: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
>> Stephen: HEY, MAY BE HE LOST.
WE DON'T KNOW.
AND LAST NIGHT, MOORE MADE HIS FINAL PUSH AT A RALLY FEATURING
A SPEECH BY HIS WIFE, KAYLA.
AND SHE EMPHASIZED THAT HER HUSBAND IS A FRIEND TO ALL, NO
MATTER WHAT THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA SAYS.
>> FAKE NEWS WOULD TELL YOU THAT WE DON'T CARE FOR JEWS, AND I
TELL YOU ALL THIS BECAUSE I'VE SEEN IT ALL, SO I JUST WANT TO
SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT WHILE THEY'RE HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ONE OF OUR ATTORNEYS IS A JEW.
>> Jon: WOW!
>> Stephen: WOW.
"WE'RE NOT HOMOPHOBIC BECAUSE MY HAIRDRESSER IS A GAY.
I MEAN, REALLY, REALLY GAY.
I MEAN--( APPLAUSE )
HE RIDES A BIKE AND EVERYTHING."
( LAUGHTER ) MRS. MOORE CONTINUED HER TORAH
PORTION.
>> WE'VE HAD VERY CLOSE FRIENDS THAT ARE JEWISH AND RABBIS, AND
WE ALSO FELLOWSHIP WITH THEM.
>> Stephen: "OH, WE FELLOWSHIP ALL THE TIME.
I MEAN, JEWISH GIRLS KNOW, ROY WILL SHOW UP AT YOUR BAT
MITZVAH."
>> Jon: WHOA!
>> Stephen: BUT THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT WAS ONE OF MOORE'S
OLD WAR BUDDIES WHO VOUCHED FOR MOORE'S CHARACTER.
THIS GUY DESCRIBED A TIME WHEN THEY WERE BOTH IN VIETNAM, AND A
FRIEND OF THEIRS TREATED THEM TO A NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
>> HE TOOK US TO THIS PLACE WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE A
BROTHEL.
THERE WERE CERTAINLY PRETTY GIRLS-- AND THEY WERE GIRLS.
SOME WERE YOUNG.
SOME WERE PROBABLY VERY YOUNG >> Stephen: IUST WANT TO PAUSE
IT RIGHT THERE, PAUSE IT RIGHT THERE.
AND POINT OUT THAT MAN, DESCRIBING ROY MOORE'S VISIT TO
AN UNDERAGE BROTHEL, IS ON HIS SIDE.
BUT, APPARENTLY, ROY ACTED THE PERFECT GENTLEMAN UPON LEARNING
WHERE HE WAS.
>> ROY SAID TO ME, "WE SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
I'M LEAVING," OR WORDS TO THAT EFFECT.
>> Stephen: YES, "WORDS TO THAT EFFECT."
LIKE, "I'M LEAVING...
TO GO FIND AN A.T.M."
HOOO!
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Dang, That Pedophile Rode In On A Horse?

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