Papa John Steps Down, Top Five Trump Moments of 2017

-Well, here's what people are talking about.
Some major, major business news here.
Papa John's founder, John Schnatter,
announced that he's stepping down
as the company's CEO.
[ Audience aw's ]
People were -- People were shocked.
[ Light laughter ]
People were shocked. They said, "Oh, my God.
His last name is Schnatter?"
[ Laughter ]
-What? -Papa John Schnatter?
I've been eating at Papa Schnatter's Pizza?
-Ew!
-Gross. -Oh, sha-doobie.
-Let's check in on President Trump.
I heard that he will celebrate New Year's Eve with a party
at Mar-a-Lago. -Ooh.
-When asked who can go, Trump said,
[ As Trump ] "Anyone who's been indicted.
I mean, invited.
What did I say?
What did I say?"
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Whoa.
-[ Normal voice ] Yeah, it's almost time
for the big countdown to the New Year.
I'm very excited. I love New Year's Eve.
But since it's been such a crazy year
with Trump in office, we decided to count down
our favorite Trump moments of 2017.
Very quickly! [ Laughter ]
There's only five. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Five. -Very quick, very short one.
-Very short, let's see. -Here we go.
Let's take a look.
-Five!
Four!
Three!
-Yeah, let me through.
-Two!
-Yeah! -One!
-And God bless the United Shatesh.
-Yeah!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ As Trump ] God bless the United Shatesh.
[ Laughter ]
-Shatesh. -Guys, Christmas is
just three days away, and --
[ Cheers and applause ]
And, I guess UPS has had a hard time keeping up
with all the packages this month.
In fact, they just lost a family's $800,000 inheritance
in the mail.
[ Audience groans ]
They said they'd asked the delivery man what happened,
but he just quit to live on his own private island.
[ Laughter ]
$800,000?
-Oops.
-Check this out. The Six Flags in Georgia
set a world record by hanging 500 pickle ornaments
on a Christmas tree.
[ Light laughter ]
They beat the previous record for pickles on a Christmas tree
by 500 pickles.
-Really?
-Congratulations.
That must feel -- That must feel great.
[ Cheers and applause ]
This is kind of strange right here.
I saw that a store in Texas
is selling a smoked brisket-scented candle.
[ Light laughter ]
It's the perfect way to make your guests very excited,
then very disappointed.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hmm, interesting.
-Oh. -We all make choices, you know?
Listen to this. The US Coast Guard just rescued
a sea turtle that was caught in these giant floating bundles
of cocaine worth $53 million.
[ Light laughter ]
When reached for comment, the sea turtle said...
[ Cheers and applause ]
Whoa, man.
-Wow. -You serious, his last name
is Schnatter?
[ Laughter ]
Turtle said that. -Turtle said that
about Papa John Schnatter? -Yeah.
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Papa John Steps Down, Top Five Trump Moments of 2017 - Monologue

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