The Madness Of Defending Roy Moore

WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
WE ARE EXACTLY-- ONE WEEK-- ONE WEEK FROM THE
POSSIBLE ELECTION OF ALABAMA SENATE CANDIDATE AND DEPRESSING
SEQUEL TO "TOY STORY," ROY MOORE.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU DO NOT WANT HIM TO PLAY
"WOODY."
( LAUGHTER ) HE HAS BEEN ACCUSED-- JUST A
CHARACTER NAME-- HAS BEEN ACCUSED BY AT LEAST
NINE WOMEN OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT WHILE THEY WERE TEENAGERS, BUT
THE PRESIDENT IS STANDING BY HIS MAN FOR A SIMPLE REASON.
>> WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE A LIBERAL DEMOCRAT IN ALABAMA,
BELIEVE ME.
WE WANT STRONG BORDERS.
WE WANT STOPPING CRIME.
>> Stephen: "YES, WE WANT STOPPING CRIME.
( LAUGHTER ) WE JUST NOT WANT STOPPING SEXUAL
ASSAULT."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS ) MOORE-- THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THEY'RE ON YOUR SIDE, MR. PRESIDENT.
THEY'RE ON YOUR SIDE!
PLEASE COME ON THE SHOW.
MOORE IS GRATEFUL FOR TRUMP'S SUPPORT, TWEETING, "I LOOK
FORWARD TO FIGHTING ALONGSIDE THE PRESIDENT TO #MAGA!"
OF COURSE, THAT'S THE SOUND TEENAGE GIRLS MAKE WHEN THEY SEE
ROY MOORE AT THE MALL, "MAGAH!"( LAUGHTER )
NOW, MOORE HAS REPEATEDLY DENIED THE ALLEGATIONS.
>> I DO NOT KNOW ANY OF THESE WOMEN, DID NOT DATE ANY OF THESE
WOMEN, HAVE NOT ENGAGED IN ANY SEXUAL MISCONDUCT WITH ANYONE.
>> Stephen: "I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT A WOMAN LOOKS LIKE.
( LAUGHTER ) THEY'RE THE ONES WITH THE BUMPY
PARTS, RIGHT, WITH THE NIBLETS ON THE FRONT?
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW SEX WORKS.
MY PARENTS FOUND ME UNDER A CABBAGE LEAF."
SO, SEE--( CHEERS )
YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S TIME TO COME TOGETHER AS A NATION!
SO, STRONG DENIAL RIGHT THERE.
UNFORTUNATELY FOR MOORE, THERE'S PROOF THAT HE KNOWS SOME OF
THEM.
ONE WOMAN WAS SO FRUSTRATED WITH HIS REPEATED DENIALS THAT,
YESTERDAY, SHE SHARED NEW EVIDENCE OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH
ROY MOORE WHEN SHE WAS 17-- OR AS ROY MOORE CALLED HER, "A
MATURE HONEY."
( LAUGHTER ) THIS WOMAN FOUND A NOTE IN HER
SCRAPBOOK SIGNED BY MOORE THAT SAYS, "HAPPY GRADUATION, DEBBIE.
I WANTED TO GIVE YOU THIS CARD MYSELF.
I KNOW THAT YOU'LL BE A SUCCESS IN ANYTHING YOU DO."
"UNLESS THAT THING IS ACCUSING ME OF WRITING YOU THIS CARD."
AND THIS WOMAN SAYS SHE KNOWS THAT MOORE WAS 34 AND SHE WAS 17
WHEN THEY DATED, BECAUSE SHE SAW PHOTOS OF HERSELF IN THE
YEARBOOK AND THOUGHT "THAT'S THE AGE I WAS WHEN I DATED ROY
MOORE, BECAUSE MY BRACES WERE OFF."
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S RIGHT-- NO, THAT'S RIGHT
RIGHT, IT'S VERY IMPORTANT-- ROY MOORE WOULD NEVER DATE
SOMEONE YOUNG ENOUGH TO WEAR BRACES.
HE'S MORE OF A RETAINER MAN.
"LEAVE THE HEADGEAR ON.
LEAVE THE HEADGEAR ON."
BUT THE CAMPAIGN IS MOVING FULL STEAM AHEAD, AND THIS MORNING,
ROY MOORE SPOKESWOMAN, JANET PORTER, HAD AN INTERESTING
DEFENSE OF THE CANDIDATE.
>> POPPY, WE NEED TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT THERE'S A GROUP OF
NON-ACCUSERS THAT HAVE NOT ACCUSED THE JUDGE OF ANY SEXUAL
MISCONDUCT OR ANYTHING ILLEGAL.
>> Stephen: YES, LET'S BE FAIR.
LET'S BE FAIR.
IT'S JUST NINE WOMEN.
WHAT ABOUT ALL THE WOMEN WHO HAVEN'T ACCUSED HIM OF SEXUAL
ASSAULT?
( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN, EVERYBODY--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH, COME ON.
YES.
YES!
YES!
EVERYONE-- REMEMBER, LET'S NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE.
EVERYONE WAS SO QUICK TO CALL JEFFREY DAHMER A SERIAL KILLER
AND CANNIBAL, BUT WE FORGET ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE HE DIDN'T
EAT.
COME ON!
( LAUGHTER ) AND THE MADNESS, THE MADNESS OF
DEFENDING HIM DOES NOT STOP THERE.
LISTEN TO MOORE'S CHIEF STRATEGIST, DEAN YOUNG,
EXPLAIN-- WITH A CAMERA ROLLING-- THAT EVEN IF MOORE DID
EVERYTHING HE'S ACCUSED OF, IT'S NOT HIS FAULT.
>> DEAN, ARE YOU OKAY WITH, IF HE DID THIS, THAT IT WAS OKAY
FOR A MAN IN HIS 30s TO BE DATING TEENAGERS?
>> WHAT I'M OKAY WITH IS JUDGE MOORE MADE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR,
IF HE DID DATE A TEENAGER, HE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.
SO, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I'VE BEEN ON A DATE AND
DIDN'T ASK A GIRL HOW OLD SHE WAS ESPECIALLY AFTER I ASKED HER
MAMA IF I COULD DATE THEM.
>> Stephen: I'M FROM SOUTH CAROLINA AND THAT IS WHY OUR
STATE MOTTO IS, "HEY, WE'RE NOT ALABAMA."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THERE'S LIMITS.
WHAT DOES HE MEAN, ROY MOORE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT WHEN HE
DATED TEENAGERS?
HERE'S A HINT: IF YOU HAVE TO ASK HER MAMA IF SHE CAN COME OUT
AND PLAY, SHE'S TOO YOUNG.
BUT NOT EVERY REPUBLICAN IS THROWING THEIR SUPPORT BEHIND
MOORE.
G.O.P. SENATOR JEFF FLAKE JUST TWEETED OUT A PHOTO OF A CHECK
FOR $100 TO ROY MOORE'S OPPONENT, DOUG JONES, WITH A
MEMO LINE THAT READS, "COUNTRY OVER PARTY."
WOW!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WOW!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE STILL USES CHECKS
( LAUGHTER ) REMIND ME NOT TO GET BEHIND JEFF
FLAKE AT THE GROCERY STORE.
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The Madness Of Defending Roy Moore

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