I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M A LITTLE SHAKY TONIGHT BECAUSE MY
HEART HAS BEEN HURTING ALL DAY DUE TO A CONDITION MY DOCTOR
CALLS "HOPE."
( LAUGHTER ) I HOPE I'M PRONOUNCING THAT
CORRECTLY.
I HAVEN'T-- I HAVEN'T BEEN SAYING THAT WORD THAT MUCH THIS
YEAR BECAUSE IT'S BEEN A ROUGH YEAR.
WE HAVE BURIED UNDER AN AVALANCHE OF BAD NEWS, BUT
THROUGH THE RUBBLE OF 2017, THERE WAS A GLIMMER OF LIGHT,
BECAUSE LAST NIGHT, ROY MOORE LOST TO DOUG JONES!
IN ALABAMA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
I MEAN IT'S A GOOD COUNTRY.
IT JUST-- JUST NEED A LITTLE SOMETHING.
JUST FEELS GOOD.
>> IT ISLET BEST GIFT GIVEN ON THE FIRST NIGHT OF HAN WHAT.
YOU'RE WELCOME, ROY MOORE'S JEWISH LAWYER.
THIS IS THE DEEPEST OF THE DEEP SOUTH.
ALL ROOTEDS LEAD NORTH FROM THIS ELECTION.
JONES IS THE FIRST DEMOCRAT TO WIN AN ALABAMA SENATE SEAT IN 25
YEARS.
( APPLAUSE ) SO-- A QUARTER OF A CENTURY.
SO THE LAST TIME ALABAMA ELECTED A DEMOCRATIC SENATOR, THE
BIGGEST MOVIE WAS "ALADDIN," OR, AS ROY MOORE CALLS IT, "THE
PERFECT DATE MOVIE."
WHAT HE CALLS IT, NOT ME.
THAT'S WHAT HE CALLS IT.
NOW, AFTER WINNING BY 1.5%, JONES, THE WINNER, SHARED A
MESSAGE OF HOPE FOR THE WHOLE COUNTRY.
>> THE PEOPLE IN ALABAMA HAD MORE IN COMMON THAN THAT DIVIDE
US.
WE HAVE SHOWN, NOT JUST AROUND THE STATE OF ALABAMA, BUT WE
HAVE SHOWN THE COUNTRY THE WAY THAT WE CAN BE UNIFIED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YES!
WE ARE UNIFIED AGAINST PEDOPHILIA, PLUS OR MINUS THE
MARGIN OF ERROR!
( LAUGHTER ) SO WHO CAN WE THANK?
WELL, IT TURNS OUT AFRICAN AMERICAN VOTERS MADE DOUG JONES
A U.S. SENATOR IN ALABAMA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES.
YES!
YES!
YES!
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, BLACK VOTERS.
IT IS THE BEST THING AFRICAN AMERICANS HAVE DONE FOR ALABAMA
SINCE THEY BUILT IT FOR FREE.
JUST TAKE A LOOK-- I'M NOT IN FAVOR OF IT.
I'M JUST SAYING, THEY DIDN'T GET PAID!
JUST TAKE A LOOK AT THESE NUMBERS.
JONES GOT 30% OF WHITE VOTERS, AND 96% OF AFRICAN AMERICANS.
96%!
I THINK, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN--( APPLAUSE )
I THINK-- I THINK THAT MEANS AFRICAN AMERICANS GET AN "A+,"
WHILE WHITE VOTERS WILL BE HELD BACK TO REPEAT THE CIVIL RIGHTS
MOVEMENT.
OF COURSE, LAST NIGHT'S ELECTION WASN'T JUST A LOSS FOR ROY
MOORE.
IT'S A LOSS FOR ALL REPUBLICANS, ESPECIALLY FORMER TRUMP ADVISOR
AND LABORATORY MONKEY RECEIVING THE PLACEBO IN A SYPHILIS TRIAL,
STEVE BANNON.
BANNON BACKED MOORE IN THE PRIMARY AGAINST ESTABLISHMENT
REPUBLICAN LUTHER STRANGE.
NOW, THANKS TO STEVE "THE WONDER CORPSE" BANNON, REPUBLICANS LOST
THE REDDEST STATE IN THE COUNTRY.
AND THEY'RE NOT HAPPY.
JUST LISTEN TO NEW YORK CONGRESSMAN AND GROCERY STORE
MANAGER WHO DOESN'T LIKE THE LOOK OF THOSE TEENAGERS IN THE
DAIRY AISLE, PETER KING.
>> THIS GUY DOES NOT BELONG ON THE NATIONAL STAGE.
HE LOOKS LIKE SOME DISHEVELED DRUNK THAT WANDERED ONTO THE
POLITICAL STAGE.
>> Stephen: PERHAPS IT WAS JOHN McCAIN'S DAUGHTER, MEGAN,
WHO HAD THE MOST ELOQUENT TAKEDOWN.
"SUCK IT, BANNON!" >> Jon: OH, WOW!
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, DIDN'T YOU HEAR ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI?
THAT'S WHAT BANNON'S BEEN TRYING TO DO THIS WHOLE TIME.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S AN OLDY BUT A GOODY.
BUT THE REAL LOSER HERE IS DONALD TRUMP, BECAUSE HE WAS ALL
IN ON ROY MOORE.
A SOURCE CLOSE TO THE WHITE HOUSE SAID, "IT'S DEVASTATING TO
THE PRESIDENT.
THIS IS AN EARTHQUAKE, LIKE VIRGINIA, BUT ON STEROIDS."
COINCIDENTALLY, "LIKE VIRGINIA BUT ON STEROIDS" IS THE ALABAMA
STATE MOTTO.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT TO THE PRESIDENT'S CREDIT,
AFTER MOORE'S LOSS LAST NIGHT, HE TWEETED SOMETHING ALMOST
SPORTSMANLIKE: "CONGRATULATIONS TO DOUG JONES
ON A HARD-FOUGHT VICTORY.
THE WRITE-IN VOTES PLAYED A VERY BIG FACTOR, BUT A WIN IS A WIN.
THE PEOPLE OF ALABAMA ARE GREAT, AND THE REPUBLICANS WILL HAVE
ANOTHER SHOT AT THIS SEAT IN A VERY SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.
IT NEVER ENDS!"( LAUGHTER )
YES, IT NEVER ENDS.
BUT ROY MOORE'S POLITICAL CAREER?
THAT APPEARS TO BE OVER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT THEN THIS MORNING, TRUMP
TOOK STOCK OF HIS ACTIONS, TOOK STOCK OF THE
MORAL AND ETHICAL ISSUES THAT MOTIVATED THE VOTERS, AND
GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTED HIS SHARE OF THE BLAME.
I'M JUST KIDDING.
LAUGH NO, HE TWEETED, "THE REASON I
ORIGINALLY ENDORSED LUTHER STRANGE-- AND HIS NUMBERS WENT
UP MIGHTILY-- IS THAT I SAID ROY MOORE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO WIN
THE ELECTION.
I WAS RIGHT!
ROY WORKED HARD, BUT THE DECK WAS STACKED AGAINST HIM!"
YES, THE DECK WAS STACKED, AND WE ALSO LEARNED THAT DONALD
TRUMP'S ENDORSEMENT IS A ROYAL FLUSH.
( TOILET FLUSHING )( APPLAUSE )
WE'VE GOT TO REMEMBER ONE THING IS TRUE: TRUMP WAS A STAUNCH
BACKER OF LUTHER STRANGE IN THE PRIMARY.
BUT AS SOON AS STRANGE LOST, TRUMP DELETED ALL HIS TWEETS
SUPPORTING HIM.
AND HE'S GOING TO DO THE SAME THING FOR ROY MOORE.
BECAUSE BACKING A RACIST, HOMOPHOBIC, TEEN-SQUEEZER IS ONE
THING.
"BUT BACKING A LOSER?
THAT'S OFF-BRAND.
NOTICE."
TRUMP WAS SO TIED TO ROY MOORE THAT, IN THE LAST DAYS OF THE
RACE, HE RECORDED THIS ROBO-CALL.
>> HI, THIS IS PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, AND I NEED ALABAMA TO
GO VOTE FOR ROY MOORE.
IT IS SO IMPORTANT.
WE NEED ROY TO HELP US WITH THE REPUBLICAN SENATE.
WE WILL WIN, AND WE WILL MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
>> Stephen: AND YOU CAN'T DELETE A ROBO-CALL, BUT YOU CAN RECORD
A FOLLOW-UP.
>> HI, THIS IS PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, AND I NEED ALABAMA TO NOT
GO VOTE FOR ROY MOORE.
IT IS SO IMPORTANT.
WE NEED NOT ROY TO HELP US WITH THE REPUBLICAN SENATE.
WE WILL NOT WIN, AND WE WILL MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.
NOT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YEAH.
HE NEVER SUPPORTED HIM.
NEVER SUPPORTED HIM!
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