Donald Trump Is Somehow Healthy: The Daily Show

You guys remember how,
during the presidential campaign,
uh, Donald Trump's personal doctor
and secondhand speedboat salesman declared
that Trump would be the healthiest individual
ever elected president?
You guys remember that?
And then we all laughed so hard,
because, in 2015, "healthiest individual"
and "elected president" both seemed incredibly unlikely ways
to describe Donald Trump?
Well, Trump has just had his first physical examination
by the official White House Navy doctor,
and, uh, it looks like we owe Dr. Speedboat an apology.
The president's overall health is excellent.
His cardiac performance during his physical exam was very good.
A lot of things across the board, uh, he's...
you know, he-he's very healthy.
His bilateral uncorrected vision is 20/30.
I mean, he can drive, if he wants to, without glasses.
I had absolutely no concerns about his cognitive ability.
The president is, mentally, very, very tart...
very sharp, very intact.
But there's no indication whatsoever
that he has any cognitive issues.
Dental exam-- he has healthy teeth and gums.
There were no other dental findings.
The president has no partial or dentures of any kind.
No heart problems, no dementia,
no dentures?
But did you test for racism?
(laughter)
(cheering and applause)
So, it turns out,
according to the official White House doctor,
Trump is completely sane,
which makes me more worried,
because that means he's doing all of this (bleep) on purpose?
You covfefe in your normal mind?
Because, to ask the non-experts,
the only thing that looks healthy about Donald Trump
is that he's shaped like a food pyramid, right?
To say that his health is excellent,
it's like medicine is gaslighting us now.
I mean, how is this even possible?
Can you explain to me how a guy who eats McDonald's
and Kentucky Fried Chicks and all those Diet Cokes
and who never exercises is in as good a shape
-as you say he's in? -It's called genetics.
I don't know. It's, uh...
Some people have, uh, you know, just great genes.
You know, uh, I told the president
that if he had a healthier diet over the last, uh, 20 years,
he might live to be 200 years old.
(laughter, gasping)
My God!
If you think Trump is racist at 71,
imagine how racist he'll be when he's 200!
Look, to be honest, I'm not really surprised, man.
Donald Trump has dictator blood, all right?
We're used to this in Africa and in other places in the world.
Castro, Mugabe, the queen--
we're all shocked at how long they lived.
Like, after the nuclear apocalypse,
Trump is gonna be the only one walking around,
giving speeches to cockroaches.
"Folks, we're gonna build a roach motel!
"Who's gonna pay for it?
Mosquitoes!"
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Donald Trump Is Somehow Healthy: The Daily Show

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