Marcus Comes to Dinner

>>> AT WHAT TIME ARE TIM AND HIS FRIEND SUPPOSED TO COME OVER?
>> TIM'S BOYFRIEND, RICHARD. IF WE ARE GOING TO MAKE AN
EFFORT, THEN WE REALLY HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT.
>> FINE, BOYFRIEND. THEY'RE LATE.
THAT'S THE PART I DON'T LIKE. >> IT'LL BE OKAY.
WE'LL JUST GET THROUGH IT AND BE OUT OF HERE IN AN HOUR, TOPS,
OKAY? >> IF YOU SAY SO.
DO THEY KNOW I'M A PORN STAR? >> GOD, NO.
WHY WOULD I TELL THEM YOU'RE A PORN STAR?
NO, I DIDN'T TELL THEM THAT. >> TIMMY, COME ON IN HERE GUYS.
>> HEY, SON. >> HEY.
>> HOW ARE YOU DOING? WAIT.
NEVER MIND. WE ARE HAPPY TO SEE YOU GUYS.
>> HAPPY TO BE HERE. >> YOU KNOW, COME IN, YOU GUYS.
WE ARE SO HAPPY TO HAVE OUR LITTLE ANGEL HOME, AND YOU MUST
BE MARCUS. >> DOES MARCUS SEEM FAMILIAR TO
YOU? >> HOW SO?
>> I DON'T KNOW. MARCUS, DO I KNOW YOU?
>> WE NEVER MET. >> REALLY?
I FEEL LIKE I SEE YOU ALL THE TIME.
DO YOU WORK AT A COFFEE SHOP ON SECOND OR SOMETHING?
WHERE DO I KNOW YOU FROM? WHAT DO YOU DO?
>> JUST FREELANCE STUFF. >> YOU KNOW, MARCUS IS A DENTAL
HYGIENIST. SO, HE CLEANS TEETH.
THAT'S ALL HE DOES. >> WELL, SWEETIE, THERE'S NO
NEED TO BE TENSE. YOUR FATHER AND I ARE SO HAPPY
THAT YOU BOTH ARE HERE. YOU KNOW, I'M STRUGGLING WITH
THIS THING. WOULD YOU OPEN THAT?
>> OF COURSE. >> I KNOW WE DISAGREE ON A LOT
AND I'M GETTING USED TO YOUR LIFESTYLE BUT WE CAN STILL BE A
FAMILY. I THINK MAYBE YOU COULD JOIN US
AT CHURCH SOMETIME. >> IT'S SO HARD SOMETIMES.
YOU KNOW? >> GOD, WHERE DO I KNOW YOU
FROM? >> HEY, DAD, CAN YOU JUST DROP
IT? >> DO YOU WORK AT CRUNCH OR
SOMETHING? I KNOW THAT I HAVE SEEN YOU.
>> THAT'S BECOMING VERY, VERY CLEAR.
>> BOYS, I GOT YOU THE SNICKERDOODLE COOKIES THAT YOU
LIKE. THEY ARE IN THE KITCHEN.
YOU KNOW, THE THING ABOUT THESE TWO BOYS IS THAT THEY SHARE
EVERYTHING THE SAME. THEY HAVE THE SAME TASTE IN
EVERYTHING. >> YEAH, I'M LIKE REALLY POPULAR
WITH A CERTAIN KIND OF DEMOGRAPHIC.
>> MOM, HOW IS KATHLEEN. >> OUT OF CONTROL.
SHE HAS TWO TATTOOS. DON'T HAVE ANY TATTOOS, DO YOU,
TIM. >> NO, MOM.
>> MARCUS. >> I HAVE A COUPLE.
>> COUPLE OF GUNS RATE OVER YOUR BUTT.
OH, YOU ARE A GAY PORN STAR. I FEEL SO STUPID.
I GOT ONE OF THE TOP TIER GAY PORN STARS IN MY HOUSE, AND
WE'RE GIVING HIM COOKIES. I CAN'T BELIEVE I WORE THIS
SHIRT TO MEET MARCO PUMP-GOOD. LIKE AN IDIOT.
I HAVE CUTER SHIRTS, JUST SO YOU KNOW.
I GOT CONFUSED EARLIER BECAUSE YOU KIND OF LOOK LIKE JASON
THRUST. AND, I THOUGHT, "NO, NO, HE
HASN'T BEEN WITH THE COCKY BOYS FOR LIKE THREE YEARS NOW."
BUT YOU BOTH WENT ON THAT SAME PALM SPRINGS GETAWAY TOGETHER.
OH, BOY. AS SOON AS I SAW THAT TRAILER,
THAT'S WHEN I FINALLY SUBSCRIBED.
I WAS JUST BOOTLEGGING OFF THE TUBE SITES BEFORE THAT.
BUT I WASN'T ABOUT TO WAIT A WHOLE WEEK FOR THAT SCENE.
ANYWHO, I GUESS I'M GETTING A DIVORCE NOW AND NOW I'M PROBABLY
STEPPING DOWN AS PASTOR. GOOD-BYE, FAMILY.
>> WELL, OKAY. SO THAT WAS A LOT TO TAKE.
>> OH, OKAY. OH, YEAH.
AND YOU ARE GOING TO NEED EYER LAP FOR.
SURE. OKAY.
SO, PUMP-GOOD, IS THAT IRISH? OR?
>> NO. IT'S FROM PORN.
>> YEAH, I KNOW THAT. IT WAS A JOKE.
MY MARRIAGE JUST FELL APART.
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Marcus Comes to Dinner - SNL

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