Trump Is Up For 'Doing It Under Oath' With Mueller

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE "LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELL, IT'S DAY TWO OF TRUMP'S
TRIP TO DAVOS CONFERENCE IN THE SWISS ALPS.
IT'S LOADED WITH CELEBRITIES.
WILL.I.AM IS THERE, CATE BLANCHETT IS THERE.
OBVIOUSLY, THE SWISS MISS IS THERE.
THAT RICOLA GUY.
AND NOW, DONALD TRUMP.
TODAY, HE SAT DOWN WITH BRITISH PRIME MINISTER THERESA MAY,
WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN AWKWARD BECAUSE THEY'VE HAD SOME SHARP
WORDS FOR EACH OTHER.
BUT TODAY, IN DAVOS, TRUMP DEFENDED THEIR RELATIONSHIP:
>> THE PRIME MINISTER AND MYSELF HAVE HAD A REALLY GREAT
RELATIONSHIP, ALTHOUGH SOME PEOPLE DON'T NECESSARILY BELIEVE
THAT.
BUT I CAN TELL YOU, I HAVE A TREMENDOUS RESPECT FOR THE PRIME
MINISTER AND THE JOB SHE'S DOING, AND I THINK THE FEELING
IS MUTUAL, FROM THE STANDPOINT OF LIKING EACH OTHER A LOT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: ARE YOU ALLOWED
JUST TO SAY HOW THE OTHER PERSON FEELS ABOUT YOU WITHOUT THEM
SAYING A WORD?
I'M NOT SURE THE FEELING IS MUTUAL.
JIM, CAN WE SEE HER CLOSE UP?
YEAH, SHE LIKES HIM.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S WHAT BRITISH PEOPLE LOOK
LIKE WHEN THEY'RE HAPPY.
SHE'S GOT THAT CLASSIC STIFF UPPER FACE.
( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP CONTINUED:
>> AND-- SO, THERE WAS A LITTLE BIT OF A FALSE RUMOR OUT THERE.
JUST WANTED TO CORRECT IT, FRANKLY, BECAUSE WE HAVE GREAT
RESPECT FOR EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING, AND WE LOVE YOUR COUNTRY
BECAUSE IT'S REALLY GREAT.
>> STEPHEN: "YEAH, SHE'S DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB, THEY'RE ALREADY
CALLING THIS PLACE GREAT BRITAIN."
ALL RIGHT?
( LAUGHTER ) AFTER MAKE AMERICA GREAT, THIS
ONE IS ALREADY THERE.
IT'S A GREAT JOB.
( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP ALSO MET WITH ISRAELI
PRIME MINISTER AND GUY AT THE SENIORS MIXER EYEING YOUR MOM,
BENJAMIN NETANYAHU.
IT WAS THEIR FIRST MEETING SINCE TRUMP ANNOUNCED HE'S MOVING THE
U.S. EMBASSY TO JERUSALEM, AND TRUMP DEFENDED THE ACTION.
>> THERE WERE NEVER ANY DEALS THAT CAME CLOSE BECAUSE
JERUSALEM -- YOU COULD NEVER GET PAST
JERUSALEM.
SO WHEN PEOPLE SAID I SET IT BACK-- I DIDN'T SET IT BACK.
I HELPED THEM.
BECAUSE BY TAKING IT OFF THE TABLE, THAT WAS THE TOUGHEST
ISSUE.
>> STEPHEN: YES, HE HELPED THE NEGOTIATIONS, BY ENDING THE
NEGOTIATIONS.
JUST LIKE KING SOLOMON.
"OKAY, BOTH OF YOU GALS WANT THIS BABY.
TELL YOU WHAT.
I'M GOING TO CUT IT IN HALF AND GIVE BOTH SIDES TO HER.
NOW, YOU CAN FIGHT OVER THE KNIFE.
READY, NEGOTIATE!" TRUMP ALSO THREATENED TO
WITHHOLD U.S. FUNDS FOR THE PALESTINIANS BECAUSE THEY DISSED
MIKE PENCE.
>> WE GIVE, YOU KNOW, HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.
WHEN THEY DISRESPECTED US A WEEK AGO BY NOT ALLOWING OUR GREAT
VICE PRESIDENT TO SEE THEM AND WE GIVE THEM HUNDREDS OF
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN AID AND SUPPORT, TREMENDOUS NUMBERS,
NUMBERS THAT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: NO, SOMEBODY
UNDERSTANDS THEM.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU UNDERSTAND THEM.
( LAUGHTER ) NUMBERS ARE LIKE LETTERS THAT
DON'T SPELL WORDS.
AND THE NUMBERS YOU'RE TAKING AWAY, FEED CHILDREN.
BUT TRUMP HAD ONE RECURRENT THEME.
LISTEN CAREFULLY, AND YOU MIGHT SPOT IT.
>> WE TOOK JERUSALEM OFF THE TABLE.
SO WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
THEY NEVER GOT PAST JERUSALEM.
WE TOOK IT OFF THE TABLE.
BY TAKING IT OFF THE TABLE -- THAT MONEY IS ON THE TABLE AND
THAT MONEY IS NOT GOING TO THEM UNLESS THEY SIT DOWN AND
NEGOTIATE PEACE.
THE MONEY IS ON THE TABLE.
THE MONEY WAS NEVER ON THE TABLE.
>> Stephen: SO THE MONEY'S ON THE TABLE, IT'S OFF THE TABLE.
IT'S ON THE TABLE, NEVER ON THE TABLE.
THAT IS CONFUSING.
HE COULD HAVE SOLVED ALL OF THIS BY STICKING TO WHAT HE NORMALLY
DOES: LEAVE THE MONEY ON THE DRESSER!
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) ( PIANO RIFF )
( APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: WHOA!
HA HA!
>> Stephen: ALLEGEDLY.
>> Jon: OH, OH, ALLEGEDLY...
>> Stephen: BEFORE TRUMP LEFT FOR DAVOS, HE
SURPRISED REPORTERS WAITING BY JOHN KELLY'S OFFICE WITH AN
UNPLANNED PRESS CONFERENCE.
THERE WERE NO CAMERAS THERE, BUT WE DID GET TO HEAR THE PRESIDENT
MAKE A STUNNING PROMISE ABOUT THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION.
>> ARE YOU GOING TO TALK TO MUELLER?
>> I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, ACTUALLY.
>> WOULD YOU DO IT UNDER OATH, MR. PRESIDENT?
>> OH, I WOULD DO IT UNDER OATH.
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
NO, I WOULD DO IT.
>> STEPHEN: INCIDENTALLY, "DOING IT UNDER OATH" IS MY FAVORITE
STORMY DANIELS MOVIE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: WHOA, WHOA!
WHOA!
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: RAISE YOUR RIGHT
HAND -- YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHERE I'M PUTTING THE LEFT ONE.
( LAUGHTER ) THE PRESIDENT ALSO WEIGHED IN ON
THE REPORT SINCE VERIFIED BY OTHER MEMBERS OF THE STAFF.
ASKED THEN-ACTING F.B.I.
DIRECTOR ANDREW MCCABE WHO HE VOTED FOR.
>> DID YOU ASK MCCABE WHO HE VOTED FOR?
DID YOU ASK HIM THAT?
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
NO, I DON'T THINK I DID.
>> YOU DID NOT?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL WITH THAT, BECAUSE I WOULD
ASK YOU.
WHO DID YOU VOTE FOR?
>> STEPHEN: AH, YES, THE FOUR STAGES OF TRUMP DENIAL.
I DIDN'T DO.
I DON'T REMEMBER IT.
IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL.
WHO DID YOU VOTE FOR?
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
SO THAT'S ALL HIS LEGAL PROBLEMS CLEARED UP.
THEN HE MOVED ON TO RIFFING SOME SOLUTIONS TO IMMIGRATION.
IN THAT SAME PRESIDENTIAL HALLWAY ADDRESS, FOR THE FIRST
TIME EVER, TRUMP INDICATED THAT HE IS OPEN TO A PATH TO
CITIZENSHIP FOR DREAMERS.
FINALLY, A WAY FOR IMMIGRANTS TO BECOME CITIZENS WITHOUT HAVING
TO MARRY DONALD TRUMP.
( LAUGHTER ) ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
OF COURSE, ALLEGEDLY.
ALLEGEDLY!
WE FACT CHECKED THAT ONE.
Ben McKenzie Argues That Batman Wasn't The First Batman Trump Is In Switzerland And Melania Is Not The Secretive FBI Secret Society Is No Longer A Secret Trevor Noah Turns Donald Trump's Words into a Bad Reggae Song The Singing Trump: Presidential Impersonator Channels Bruno Mars - America's Got Talent 2017 Stephen's Covetton House Meets Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop Shutdown Over, Trump Gets Back To Work Loya Death Probe Judges Sister Deceived, Secret Document Spills Beans Camila Cabello - Havana ( cover by Donald Trump ) Mexico braces itself for Trump presidency as wall starts to go up

Trump Is Up For 'Doing It Under Oath' With Mueller

Latest Posts