Trump's Montreal Cognitive Test Answers, Minister for Loneliness

-Here's what people are talking about.
The big story is still Trump's physical.
[ Laughter ]
Which he passed with flying colors.
-Yeah. -Surprisingly, yeah.
A lot of people were very skeptical when they heard that
Trump only weighs 239 pounds.
[ Laughter ]
That actually checks out when you remember that
for the weigh-in, Trump took off his clothes and his hair.
So I mean, that's... [ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Makes sense. -It balances out.
So they say Trump hopes to drop 10 to 15 pounds this year...
while Melania hopes to drop 239.
[ Laughter and applause ] -Ho!
Ho! Hey! Ho!
-This surprised some people. Trump's doctor says he got
a perfect score on the Montreal Cognitive Assessment,
which is a test that examines someone's mental clarity.
Well, we got our hands on Trump's answers,
and I think that they may have gotten a little --
They've gone a little easy with him with the grading.
-Really? -I think, well,
just take a look. I don't know. The first question was,
"what is similar about a grape and an orange?"
Trump said, "they're both types of soda."
[ Laughter ] It's correct, but --
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
He's right, I mean... -Next, they asked,
"what is 30 minus 7?" Trump said, "my approval rating."
[ Laughter ] And he --
-Whoa! -This is...
And then they said, "draw a square."
Trump drew a doodle of Mike Pence.
It was actually a good drawing. -Oh, my.
-A good drawing, though. -Very good drawer.
-Yeah. -[ Laughs ]
Next, they asked, "what is the name of this animal?"
Trump said "Mufasa." [ Laughter ]
-Not wrong.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-And finally, they asked,
"what's the name of this animal?"
Trump said "boobasaurus." Well, I mean you got one --
one wrong. One wrong out of the whole thing.
-No, no, that's not bad. -Not bad.
This is pretty big. Today, Senator Jeff Flake gave
a big speech on the Senate floor,
and he compared President Trump
to Russian dictator, Joseph Stalin.
Trump said, "why, because we were both elected by Russians?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
After he was accused of making racist remarks in a meeting
last week, Trump tweeted that his approval rating
among black voters has doubled.
That story again.
[ Laughter ]
Two times zero is still zero.
[ Laughter and applause ] Just so you know.
Doubled. "Doubled."
This morning, Eric Trump went on "Fox & Friends" and passionately
defended his father, while at home the President was like,
"where do I know that guy from? I like him. I like him a lot."
[ Laughter ]
You guys see this? Yesterday in Japan, someone sent
a false alert about a North Korean missile.
Then the guy who sent it said, "yeah, I might have lied
"about why I left my last job in Hawaii. Sorry!
Uh, Oops! Sorry!" [ Laughter ]
Listen to this, I saw that the UK just appointed
a Minister of Loneliness.
[ Light laughter ]
The UK just appointed a Minister of Loneliness.
Yeah. To deal with the sad reality of modern life. Yeah.
Minister of Loneliness. As if Morrissey wasn't enough.
[ Laughter ]
They named him Minister of Loneliness.
[ Laughter ] Even worse -- even worse,
she's the only person in the world with that job.
I mean, how sad! How sad is that?
[ Laughter and applause ]
The only person -- can't relate to anyone.
Finally, I want to say -- You liked that Morrissey one?
Yeah, I know, thank you, thank you.
-That was classic. It was classic.
-Finally, I want to say congrats to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
who just welcomed a baby girl this week.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah! Yeah.
-I don't have a joke for that. I just want to think back
to the good old days when that would have been our lead story.
There you go. We have a great show tonight.
Give it up for The Roots, ladies and gentlemen.
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Trump's Montreal Cognitive Test Answers, Minister for Loneliness - Monologue

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