Fox & Friends Cold Open

>>> YOU'RE WATCHING "FOX AND FRIENDS."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> GOOD MORNING, I'M STEVE BIG
PAPA DOOCY. THAT'S AINSLEY EARHARDT AND
BRIAN KILMEADE. >> HELLO.
>> HEY THERE. >> WE WANT TO SAY A BIG HELLO TO
ALL OF OUR FANS OUT THERE. WHETHER YOU'RE FIXING BREAKFAST,
OR GETTING DRESSED FOR WORK, OR LAYING IN THE LINCOLN BED ROOM
TWEETING WITH A EGG McMUFFIN ON YOUR CHEST, HELLO.
>> YES. NOW, COMING UP, WE'LL SHOW YOU
MORE FROM OUR TRIP TO WASHINGTON D.C.
WHERE WE STOOD ON DIFFERENT BALCONIES POINTING AT TRUMP
HOTELS. BUT FIRST, HOW'S EVERYONE'S
MORNING? >> HI, EVERYONE, WE LOVE THE
SHOW AT THE WHITE HOUSE. PLAYING AT FULL VOLUME IN EVERY
MEETING. >> HOPE, THIS IS SO EXCITING,
TWO YEARS AGO, YOU WERE A 26-YEAR-OLD FORMER MODEL WORKING
FOR IVANKA TRUMP'S CLOTHING LINE, BUT NOW YOU'RE WHITE HOUSE
COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR. >> SURE, IF YOU SAY SO, THERE
ARE NO REAL JOBS HERE, YOU KNOW? EVERY DAY FEELS LIKE WHEN A
GROUP OF STRANGERS WORKS TOGETHER TO PUSH A BEACHED WHALE
BACK INTO THE SEA. >> PEOPLE TREAT ME LIKE I'M THE
GOSSIP GIP OF THE WHITE HOUSE. BUT EVEN IF THEY DID GET A
LITTLE CHATTY WITH RUSSIAN HUNKS, YOU WOULD NOT HEAR ABOUT
IT FROM ME. XOXO.
>> IT IS DISGUSTING. LUCKILY FOR US, ONE MAN HAS BEEN
WARNING PEOPLE FOR YEARS ABOUT THIS, AND HE IS NOT A PARTISAN
POLITICIAN, HE IS A MINISTER. HE JOINS US NOW.
>> THANK YOU, STEVE, BRIAN, AINSLEY.
I'M SURPRISED TO BE ON YOUR SHOW.
>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT YOU, BUT YOU'RE A GUY WHO IS
TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT THE FBI BEFORE ANY OF US.
WHAT IS GOING ON OTHER THERE? >> YES, THE FBI, THE DEVIL
WHISPERING, PLOTTING, SPYING, AND BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THIS,
THEIR DAY OF RETRIBUTION IS COMING FOR A MAN SEWETH HE ALSO
REAPS. >> A GREAT TAKE.
>> THIS BOW TIE IS SO GREAT, GIVING TUCKER CARLSON SOME
COMPETITION. >> I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS.
>> IF THE FBI CAN GO AFTER THE PRESIDENT, AREN'T YOU WORRIED
THEY MIGHT COME AFTER YOU IN. >> NO, GOD IS JUSTICE AND HE IS
ON THE RISE. RETRIBUTION PLEASES GOD AND ALL
OF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. ALL OF YOU IN THIS ROOM.
ALL OF YOU. IT IS ALL UPON YOU, THANK YOU
FOR HAVING ME. >> OKAY.
THAT IS -- >> I LOVE THIS GUY.
FIST BUMP. >> HELL NO, WHITE MAN.
>> HOLD ON, I'M TOLD WE'RE GETTING A SPECIAL CALL, WHO IS
ON THE LINE? >> GOOD MORNING AINSLEY!
STEVE AND BRIAN. >> OH MY GOD, PRESIDENT TRUMP,
HOW ARE YOU BIG GUY? >> HEY BIG GUY.
>> SUCH AN HONOR, THANK YOU FOR TAKING TIME FROM YOUR BUSY
SCHEDULE. >> YES, I'M SO BUSY, IF YOU'RE
WONDERING WHY I'M OUT OF BREATH, IT'S BECAUSE I'M DOING MY DAILY
P 90 X MORNING WORKOUT. BUT I'M SAVING THE ECONOMY,
DESTROYING ISIS, AND RIGHT NOW I'M GETTING MY DAILY
INTELLIGENCE BRIEFING. >> OH YEAH?
FROM WHO? >> YOU GUYS.
>> THE SHOW IS SO GREAT, HUGE RATINGS.
OF COURSE NOT AS BIG OF THE RATINGS AS MY STATE OF THE UNION
SPEECH WHICH WAS WATCHED BY LIKE TEN BILLION PEOPLE.
THEY SAY THERE IS ONLY SEVEN BILLION PEOPLE ON THE EARTH, SO
WHERE DID THE THREE BILLION COME FROM?
ILLEGALS? I DON'T KNOW.
>> CAN I SAY YOUR SPEECH WAS MAYBE THE BEST SPEECH IN THE
HISTORY OF THIS COUNTRY. >> THANK YOU AINSLEY,
INCREDIBLE. A LOT OF FOLKS ARE SAYING,
INCLUDING PAUL RYAN, THAT IT WAS BETTER THAN MARTIN LUTHER KING'S
"I DREAM OF JEANNE" SPEECH. PEOPLE LIKE SENATOR ORIN HATCH
ARE SAYING I'M THE GREATEST PRESIDENT EVER.
>> OR EVEN IN THE WORLD, I HAVE HEARD BETTER THAN CAESAR.
YOU MAKE BUILDINGS, HE JUST MAKES SALADS.
GUYS, THIS MIGHT BE THE GREATEST MEMO SINCE THE
DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. I HAVE NOT READ ANY OF THEM.
DEVIN NUNEZ, MY LITTLE HOUSE ELF SO CLOSE TO EARNING HIS FREEDOM.
THE MEMO SHOWS THE FBI IS BIASSED OKAY.
BIASSED AGAINST RICHARD NIXON, AGAINST JOHN GOTTI, BIASSED
AGAINST DILLENGER. >> WHO IS THE MOST INNOCENT GUY
IN THE WHOLE WORLD. >> YOU ARE.
>> I CAN'T HEAR YOU. >> YOU ARE!
>> I CAN'T HEAR YOU. >> YOU ARE!
>> I CAN'T HEAR YOU. >> YOU ARE!
>> DADDY NEEDED THAT. HE NEEDED THAT, AND LIVE FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT!"
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Fox & Friends Cold Open - SNL

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