Why Trump Doesn't Want To Talk To Robert Mueller

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
BIG NEWS--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BIG, BIG NEWS OUT OF THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION.
ACCORDING TO SOURCES AT THE WHITE HOUSE, DONALD TRUMP'S
LAWYERS ARE TELLING HIM TO REFUSE AN INTERVIEW WITH ROBERT
MUELLER BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT, WHO HAS A HISTORY OF MAKING
FALSE STATEMENTS AND CONTRADICTING HIMSELF, COULD BE
CHARGED WITH LYING TO INVESTIGATORS.
( LAUGHTER ) YEAH.
IT IS A CRACK LEGAL ANALYSIS FROM THE LAW FIRM OF "NO,
(BLEEP), AND SHERLOCK."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FINE.
THEY'RE A FINE FIRM.
FINE-- BROWN SHOE FIRM.
NOW, THERE IS ONE TRUMP LAWYER SAYING THE PRESIDENT SHOULD
COOPERATE WITH MUELLER, AND THAT'S TRUMP ATTORNEY AND MAN
BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE WILFORD BRIMLEY, TY COBB.
COBB HAS ARGUED THAT THE WHITE HOUSE SHOULD DO EVERYTHING
POSSIBLE TO COOPERATE WITH MR. MUELLER'S INVESTIGATION, AND
SAYS THE WHITE HOUSE IS IN "TOTAL COOPERATION MODE."
YES "TOTAL COOPERATION."
TRUMP'S COOPERATING BECAUSE HE WANTS MUELLER'S INVESTIGATION TO
BE OVER SWIFTLY.
OH, AND THERE'S ONE OTHER THING HE WANTS FROM MUELLER:
>> I WANT HIM DEAD!
I WANT HIS FAMILY DEAD!
I WANT HIS HOUSE BURNED TO THE GROUND!
I WANNA GO THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!
>> Stephen: NOW, I KNOW TRUMP WATCHES THIS SHOW, BECAUSE IT'S
ON TV.
( LAUGHTER ) SO RIGHT NOW, I'VE GOT A SPECIAL
MESSAGE FOR HIM.
MR. PRESIDENT, IGNORE YOUR LAWYERS.
YOU FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS AND YOU SIT DOWN WITH ROBERT
MUELLER.
OTHERWISE, EVERYONE'S GOING TO THINK YOU'RE SCARED, BUT WE KNOW
YOU'RE NOT.
OH, OH, YOUR FRIED CHICKEN HAS ARRIVED.
OH, WAIT, IT'S EMPTY.
WHERE IS THAT?
OH, I THINK I KNOW WHERE THE CHICKEN IS.
BAWK, BAWK, BAWK. BAWK, BAWK, BAWK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HE'LL DO IT.
HE'LL DO IT.
OF COURSE, ROBERT MUELLER IS NOT TRUMP'S ONLY PROBLEM.
A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE CALLED DONALD TRUMP A RACIST, BUT ONLY
BECAUSE OF WHAT HE SAYS AND DOES.
( LAUGHTER ) THE CHARGE HAS UPSET
PRESIDENTIAL SON AND MAN WHO K.Y.'S HIS SCALP, DONALD
TRUMP JR.( LAUGHTER )
SO THIS WEEKEND, DON JR. TOOK ON THESE CHARGES OF RACISM.
>> IT'S BEEN TERRIBLE TO WATCH BECAUSE I'VE SEE-- I KNOW HIM.
I'VE SEEN HIM MY WHOLE LIFE.
I'VE SEEN THE THINGS HE'S DONE.
YOU KNOW, IT'S AMAZING.
ALL THE RAPPERS, ALL THE THIS.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: "ALL THE THIS"?
THAT'S AS MUCH AS YOU KNOW ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE?
"IN BLACK HISTORY MONTH, WE CELEBRATE ALL THE ACHIEVEMENTS
OF AFRICAN AMERICANS FROM ALL THE RAPPERS TO ALL THE THIS."
HE WENT ON: >> ALL HIS AFRICAN AMERICAN
FRIENDS, FROM JESSE JACKSON TO AL SHARPTON-- YOU KNOW, I HAVE
PICTURES WITH THEM THEIR WHOLE LIFE.
WE SAY HI, ALWAYS BEEN FRIENDS.
>> Stephen: CLASSIC DEFENSE, "HOW COULD I BE RACIST?
I HAVE PICTURES WITH BLACK PEOPLE."
AND IT'S TRUE.
DONALD TRUMP HAS A LOT OF PICTURES WITH CLOSE PERSONAL
FRIENDS LIKE RAPPERS, JESSE JACKSON, AL SHARPTON, AND
HIS BUDDY O.J. SIMPSON.
AND DON JR. KNOWS WHY PEOPLE ARE SUDDENLY CALLING HIS DAD A
RACIST.
>> IT WAS ONLY TILL HE GOT INTO POLITICS THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN,
"OH, HE'S THE MOST TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING IN THE WORLD.
I DON'T KNOW.
HE WASN'T SO TERRIBLE A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO WHEN YOU WERE AT
HIS EVENTS.
HE WASN'T SO TERRIBLE THEN WHEN YOU WERE HITTING HIM UP FOR
CHARITY DOLLARS AND HE'S SPONSORING THINGS AND SPONSORING
SCHOLARSHIPS AND DOING X, Y, Z FOR YOU GUYS.
>> Stephen: YES, HOW DARE YOU CALL TRUMP RACIST AFTER HE GAVE
YOU GUYS "THINGS" AND "X,Y,Z?
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S ALL PART OF HIS CHARITY:
"DONALD TRUMP'S THINGS AND X,Y,Z FOR THE RAPPERS AND THE THIS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
YOU KNOW THEIR SLOGAN, "WE HAVE PICTURES WITH BLACK PEOPLE."
JON, THAT IS ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS.
WHAT AN OUTRAGEOUS CLAIM.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN.
>> Jon: GOOD TO SEE YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
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Why Trump Doesn't Want To Talk To Robert Mueller

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