How To Deal with Your Kid's Head Lice Without Losing Your Sh*t | Momsplained

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Today on Momsplained,
how to deal with head lice.
Step one, denial and isolation.
It's perfectly normal to think this can't be happening.
We are a clean family.
There must be a mistake.
It's probably dandruff.
Sadly lice happens up to 12 million times a year in the US.
It doesn't mean anything about your hygiene,
and there's no shame in it.
It is however a pain in the ass and it'll make you
want to vom and probably strangle little Madison for
lending your kid that scarf.
But you've handled a diarrhea shit storm.
You can do this.
Just wait until they bring home bed bugs from college.
You'll miss lice.
Step two, get to know your new tenants.
How could you have missed all this scratching you may ask?
Because you're busy, goddammit.
Now get over yourself and grab a lice comb like this,
and take a magnifying glass and start digging around
like a detective.
Check behind the ears and the back of the neck for clues.
If you see something crawling,
or something attached to a piece of hair,
think iridescent mini cocoon,
you've found the enemy.
Now the spawn of the devil will attach firmly to the
hair about a quarter of an inch from the scalp.
Check everyone in your house, even grandma,
who barely has three hairs to braid together.
She can be infested, and trust me,
a mother-in-law will hold this over your head for decades.
That's the last thing you need.
Step three, skip the wives tales.
You may be thinking I don't want chemicals.
Let's try the whole foods shampoo with essential oils.
Oh, mayonnaise, that'll suffocate them.
No, I don't need the professional lice lady who makes
house calls, that's too expensive.
All the power to you in your maintenance by the way.
There's no scientific evidence that home remedies
are effective.
Hear me now.
By the end of this horror show, you will throw your money
at whatever you can possibly think of that might even
suggest it will work.
It might pay to call in a pro from day one.
So here's the legit truth on ending your personal hell.
First of all, get lice shampoo from the pharmacy.
Now using extra or multiple amounts of this,
not recommended, so ramp it down on the chemicals.
This'll freak you out.
A 2016 study showed that 48 states now have lice that
are genetically resistant to common treatments.
OMG, just hide.
Now most over the counter products will kill live lice,
but not 100% of their eggs.
The best way to do this is to nit pick with a nit comb.
Do it for two weeks following an infestation.
And remember to soak the comb to avoid reinfection.
Now, nits not killed by the first application
of the shampoo, and not nit picked, will hatch,
in about a week.
You do not want hatching.
The second shampoo is recommended seven to nine days
after the first one.
So check the instructions on the product container
and talk to your pediatrician.
Step four, wash your whole life.
Of course, doesn't end with your kids hair.
These little guys like to hang on to clothes,
hats, linens, anything.
But don't worry.
There's no need to fumigate your furniture or use
crazy sprays.
If you wash, soak or dry stuff at
at least 130 degrees, it's enough to murder those
little bastards and get them out of your life forever.
Okay, sorry.
I'm a little on edge.
Step five, enough with the sharing.
You wanna avoid lice in the future,
so tell your kid that sharing things like brushes,
hats, and scarves, all a dumb idea.
It's only gonna lead them back to the comb.
So keep long hair in braids and check it constantly.
Hopefully, the next outbreak will skip you and hit
that bitchy mom down the street.
And all of that paranoid itching will go away.
Go bye.
You've been Momsplained.
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How To Deal with Your Kid's Head Lice Without Losing Your Sh*t | Momsplained | Scary Mommy

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