How to Remain Calm When People are Driving you Crazy

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Hello everybody welcome to right here right now
Today I'm going to talk about
How you can remain calm when you're dealing with people who drive you crazy?
Now I don't know if you can think of someone who comes to mind immediately when you think of someone who drives you crazy maybe
It's your parents
Maybe it's your friends, and it's someone you work with so when you go to school with these your kids
Maybe it's your spouse whoever it is
Someone that really knows how to push those buttons and get you really flared up that you're really angry so
What I want to share with you today, and I'll be sharing with you some techniques
And how specifically you can deal with that and how you can find a way to?
come out on top and
Feel better about yourself and deal with those situations in a way that is win-win for you and the other person
So at the moment and once you start thinking about how would you usually deal with those kind of situations?
So if you get a person who really gets you angry?
What do you do what actually happens? Do you sort of explode it them?
Do you just sort of keep it in and resent them do you start to feel a little bit depressed if you start to?
Be angry, but maybe not expressive that then maybe express it someone else that you really love
What are the different ways that you deal with those situations I feel
frustrated
Yeah, so some people really hold it in this frustration so starting to think about
What do you actually do and?
The first point that I want to make here is we often talk about you know
He made me really angry or she made me really angry as if it's the other person's fault right as if
you can push all of the blame onto the other person for you getting angry and
the first point I want to share with you here, is that our
emotions are our responsibility in fact nobody can make us feel anything anything at all if
We don't allow them to in fact the emotions that we feel are all up to us if we choose to feel like
You can feel angry now one of the problems is these emotions
They kind of just come up, and we we get triggered by certain things
And we don't really often know what we're triggered by it before it actually happens, so
The first step here is beginning to figure out
Do you know when this is happening to you?
Do you realize when you're beginning to get triggered because we all have these triggers something that gets us
You know tensed up something that gets us starting to think negative thoughts or something that gets us feeling angry or frustrated or stressed out
So the first step really is an awareness of what happens inside you when you begin to feel like that
Some people get like a tensing up in their body
Maybe tensing up in their shoulders maybe an uncomfortable feeling in their stomach for some people
You've heard the expression like my blood was boiling like they that feeling of like maybe they heat up
You know some people even get a red face started to think about what happens for you
When you're feeling like this is it a physical reaction like that or maybe it's a mental one. Maybe it's your mind
just starts racing you start thinking about all the different ways you're gonna kill this person or
All the different ways you're gonna beat this person up or all the nasty things that you want to say to that person
What actually happens in your mind or your body when you start to feel like this and if you can start to figure that out?
That's the first step really is just being aware of what happens to you when you start to feel like this
but if you can identify that
The next step, then is figuring out
How do you deal with that so if you can find some sort of a resource?
Something that makes you feel a bit better, and this is something you want to do before it actually happens
So if you can think with me now, what is something that would help you get to a place is calm
Or help you feel like you're good at things or help you feel like you can handle any situation
So if you can imagine a time where you're on top of the world
Maybe you as some accomplishment that you really proud of that you
Did you didn't know you did if you would achieve it or not or succeed, but you actually did
What did that feel like?
See if you can remember a time like that something that you're really happy about or something that you're really grateful for
Something that gives you a really positive memory if you can think of that
Maybe then remember
What was what is a word that might you might associate with that or what is a?
feeling that you might associate with that or what is a
picture an image that comes into your mind when you think about that and that could sort of be like a
Little resource for you whenever you're starting to feel these negative things you can step into a new stage
So that's step two first step
awareness step two step into a positive state so something that makes you feel good something they can get you into a state where
You're actually feeling pretty good, and then you can make another decision
So if you can come up with some sort of a word or an image
Symbol of feeling something that gets you to feel that
In that positive state then you can act in a way that works for you from there
So the idea here is you're really taking responsibility
For your own emotions. It's not about other people making us feel something we don't on field
It's not about blaming another person for making us angry
They may be behaving in a way that we don't want them to behave we cannot control their behavior
We can think about how we can help them learn a better way of behaving
But we can't control what they're actually doing what we can control is how we respond to it
How we react to it, and how we feel about what it is that they're doing?
So even if it's something that really sort of triggers you
You can start to figure out first of all I'm being triggered Wow okay? What should I do about that next?
What is the positive state that I want to step into and having a good memory something that makes you feel good
stepping into that thinking about that getting into that positive state and not just
Thinking about it
But actually stepping into that state so starting to think about if I were back in that
Situation where I was feeling really good that time if I were back there, and I was reacting from that place
How would I react now so the third step then first step awareness?
Second step get into that positive state third step. Then is how do you actually want to respond? What do you actually want to do?
so
Remember I asked you at the beginning. What was your automatic response?
What would you have done automatically maybe would shout at the person? Maybe you'd start you know getting
Really stressed out in your body, but not express it, but expressively wrong getting resentful. Whatever it might be
Instead of doing those sort of negative things that will make you feel bad, and maybe damage a relationship
What is a positive thing that you could do so the first step here is starting to think about?
Where the other person is coming from?
Whatever it is that they're doing they're probably doing their best or they're trying to do something in a way that works for them, so
Most of the time they're not trying to trigger us right now you can find exceptions of course
But for the majority of the time they're just doing what they're doing
Because they think that's the best way to do it in the moment
So meeting people where they're at and seeing how you can engage with them, and what they're trying to do
What are they trying to get from you, or is it is it approval is it? You know they actually want
Just your attention are they?
Purposefully trying to piss you off
Sometimes that's the case
But often is not and often we can interpret it that way when it's not actually the case so figuring out
What is it that they actually want and finding a way to if you can give that to them?
Whether it is attention or whether it is approval whatever it is
They're looking for being aware of that first and then starting to think about what was the thing that got you triggered?
And if you'd like to help them perhaps learn a way of doing it that doesn't trigger you or
Even just as simple as helping them understand that what they did the behavior that they did
Triggered you in some way
So they can sort of perhaps think about how they could do it differently when they're trying to interact with you
So those are the three steps that I want you to think about whenever you get triggered whenever someone makes you feel really angry remember
They're not making you feel angry making feeling okay, then three steps firstly awareness
How is that anger coming up step 2 stepping into a positive state that you can get from memory and then step 3?
Choosing how you want to respond to that
So I hope that you found those three steps useful today
If you found them useful go ahead and comment down below. I'd love to hear what you liked about it also
I'd love to hear if you have any other
Things that you do that help you calm down, and I'd especially like to hear
What are the things that didn't really get you going and who are the people that make you sort of feel in that way so?
go ahead share I'd love to hear all that and
Thank you for watching, and I hope that you subscribe to watch more of our videos later on see you next time
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How to Remain Calm When People are Driving you Crazy

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