Eckhart Tolle explains How to deal with Difficult People Successfully

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one way to define what we mean by presence which is a state of
consciousness is to say that you're not waiting for the next thing and it's so
normal to always wait for the next thing that's why many people are very rarely
really present in the now it's so habitual and normal to wait for the next
thing it's they don't know they're doing it they're always waiting on the next
thing and as soon as they go into the now they go to sleep but to stay awake
in the now without needing to fill it up with anything or waiting for the next
thing because waiting for the next thing is filling up the nor with stuff which
is thoughts the next thing is a thought the next thing never comes as you know
it's only always this whatever is here now the next thing doesn't come ever not
ask the next thing
and then to get to feel your way into
the presence of now to to feel what is it to become aware of the now itself
which is a very strange thing how do you do that
what do you mean become aware of the now itself usually people think when they
present they are aware of what's going on
that is true you're aware of whatever you perceive in the present moment or
whatever is happening internally in the present moment so that's already stepped
forward if you can just be with that and acknowledge it and be there but there's
more to the now than what fills up the space of now there's something deeper
there and let's the space itself the space the the eternal timeless now and
then things appear in it and disappear you can call it the space you can call
it the light of now whatever word works best so to be present is not only to be
aware of what's going on within and without that also yes but even more
importantly is to be aware of but now itself as the the essence without which
nothing else could even be
and right now as I talk about it perhaps you are able to realize within yourself
what it is that I'm talking about so those are the words actually working you
not to be accumulated and remember what I say it but let them work now so then
can function as pointers in you so the words are not pointing towards something
deeper than what appears in the now then that's the now itself it has no form but
is the it's that sense of timeless presence that's always there and the
strange thing is it's inseparable from who you are in your essence it's the I
before it becomes something the beingness the being and you feel that in
the background a presence sometimes I call it can you feel your own presence
of course it's not your own because nothing is your own we just put it like
that just as a temporary pointer
can you feel the presence of you right now not as a memory of your past or your
personal history you don't need any memory to feel the presence of you and
you cannot define it in any way in some ways it feels as if you didn't know who
you are anymore and yet there is undoubtedly a presence
it defies all description and that is enormously liberating to realize that
within yourself sometimes I describe it as stillness whatever point Iwerks
States it's a stillness sits on a large stillness
that frees you from the person what that means is you realize there's something
more real to who you are than all the things that you think you are which are
accumulation from the past that's the person they make up the person the
conditioning of the mind the sum total of all the experiences some of which
I'll remembered some I in the unconscious and they might be remembered
at certain times many other things you think about all the time what you're
telling yourself who you are cetera ideas about who you are and the sense of
I that's based on the story of me or jumping deeper so you realize that it's
there but it's it's it's not but it's a very fleeting phenomenon this the
personal eye is very insubstantial but there's something much more
foundational to who you are but you can't define it there's nothing to do
with your history or your name or your age or your physical appearance or your
status in the world and to be able to sense that is essentially liberating it
liberates you from the delusion that all you are is the person with the physical
body and the psychological form and what's especially liberating is you no
longer look to your physical body and the psychological entity or your sense
of identity of who you are so the person is still there but you don't need it
anymore to give you your real sense of self because you have something much
deeper that is your sense of self which the Buddha called no self in the Indian
teachings called these the Atman the self just using different pointers the
Buddha called it the no self because it has no form sometimes he calls it
emptiness you can't make it into a mind object and it's so liberating because
the person is always insufficient so if your sense of self is confined to the
past and you can't be satisfied for very long very briefly you get moments but
you basically exist in a state of dissatisfaction and some people very
pronounced and others it's just in the background of scientists something is
still missing in my life something is still not right and then you try other
relationships and you try others others places to live and you try other
activities and sooner or later and usually sooner you come again to the
place this isn't right either
and then you ask what am I really meant to do who where am i really meant to be
because it's not here it's never here ultimately because you're not at home
deep enough in the now so you can never feel this is never it so it but there's
no external solution to that there's only an inner solution to that you come
home to them now and you have to drop down beyond the mental emotional
accumulations that you confuse with who you are and you sense as I sometimes say
the ripple on the surface of the Pacific Ocean stops thinking of itself as a
ripple and senses its own depths and suddenly the ripple feels at one with
the depth of the ocean but also feels it one with every other ripple that it sees
on the surface of the ocean because it senses it its connectedness with the
totality with the 1 and therefore recognizes every other ripple as all
also being an expression of that and then from the first time it can become
comfortable with other ripples really at ease the ripples of causing our analogy
are people and what I'm really talking about I was just looking coming here and
this question somebody asked it is connected with what we are talking about
and that's the question about trust very something very foundational
this person asks a long time ago I was hurt really bad it was traumatic ever
since then it wasn't really possible for me to trust anybody again I still have
fears and panic when they are situations of being close together and I take
medication can you give me advice so that I'm able to trust again so that
sense of connectedness with being that's what it is to drop down into being
that's where real trust arises the trust cannot arise you can't look at another
person and say give me your trust can I trust you people are unpredictable and
people are display varying levels or degrees of consciousness evening on a
single day or in one afternoon you can catch a person rather in the
same afternoon relatively present and and then the same person gets challenged
by something on little phone call somebody to them and immediately the
person goes into complete mind identification and reactivity and then
the same person here will you try to trust
says something to you that comes out of his or her particular state of
consciousness at that moment and then the person who hasn't found the true
source of all trust or things yet you can actually trust a person without
sensing the connectedness with being with it which is the source of all trust
then that person says will then focus on the other person's moment of
unconsciousness and whatever comes out of his or her mouth as words or actions
so you see I knew he couldn't be trusted
and the unfortunate thing then happens that swords lingers in the mind he or
she can't be trusted in whatever form it might be expressed in slightly different
words and that thought lingers in the mind and stays in the background and
then whenever you meet that person again that thought is there and whispers in
your inner ear he or she can't be trusted to be careful and because you
believe in that underlying thought you can't find it hard even to acknowledge
the times when this other person is conscious and present and you say yeah
but not really they look conscious now that they're not
really
in other words you then look at the other person through your screen of
mental accumulations thoughts and you no longer see what's there but you see what
your mind is projecting there and you have drawn conclusions it is true that
that which gave rise to that particular thought yes of course that person was
unconscious and perhaps in the moment of unconsciousness that person said
something to you that was untrue that was a lie perhaps or that was a
distortion of something or that was insensitive to moths you or whatever it
was yes of course that happened a person can only manifest according whatever
they say or do manifest is reflects their particular
state of consciousness at that moment
but to make a permanent thing out of that and transform that in your mind
into a self that you manufacture mentally for that other person that's
the delusion and then your mind has fixed the other person has a fixed image
of that person and it is quite possible that for the rest of your life you're
trapped in that and I'm saying you are trapped because when you trap another
person in a fixed image you yourself are trapped in that somebody said the same
thing 2,000 years ago in slightly different words something
charging so we need to know how the mind works how the egoic mind works if we
don't and it'll deceive us and it'll we don't
know what's happening then we identified with the mechanical patterns of the mind
so every human being that you know every human being you meet they are not
permanent fixtures they're not they're not they are expressions the varying
degrees of consciousness depending what situation arises they are not
predictable or if you know them if you know their patterns yes their patterns
are predictable and you cannot say this person is always to be trusted you never
know moment may come may be after 15 years of knowing the person something
happens and suddenly oh maybe I can't trust him or her so Trust doesn't come
from a person it comes from that feeling of connectedness the sense of
connectedness within you then you can allow other humans to do what they do to
manifest whatever they manifest out of their particular state of consciousness
at that moment and not equate it with who they are and manufacture an identity
for them a self that and then it's because that's a thought or a group of
associated thoughts in your mind it's a dreadful limitation but it
happens all the time so when you know that you can continue to meet other
human beings in the state of openness even people you've known for a while
don't expect them to be conscious continuously I want to express in
different language to don't expect them
to always do and say the right thing to be consistent in their behavior most are
not and in many cases one single human being is different entities and it's
only when you sometimes when you know a person superficially you know one
particular level or manifestation of that person you keep the public persona
or whatever it is and it's only when you spend more time with them you live with
them you work with them but other other people will come out of the same human
being and almost everybody whoever married somebody at some point woke up
and said this is not a person I marry it
something went wrong here and then if you believe what your mind says it will
already come up with weird judgments like he/she deceived me into believing
he was playing a role and she just to get me and whatever your mind is telling
you some absurd story interpretation of this other person and then you get stuck
in that and that's the beginning of the decline of the rim so of course you
can't trust human beings there isn't even a single human being there unless
that person is totally present latent a single isn't a single human being every
human being it was many different human beings of course you can't trust them
but if you are in the state of connectedness with being so you drop
down to deeper level within yourself and there you have there is a sense of power
and something that goes far beyond anything in the world of form is peace
it a powerful sense of peace and aliveness and when you are connected on
that you and you can allow other human beings to display their varying degrees
of consciousness to be their different selves in different situations with
compassion without needing them needing them to be consistent in their behavior
they won't so if you need them to be consistent there's a discrepancy between
reality and your expectations which is an unpleasant place to be
imagine the entire life walk going through life with an almost continuous
discrepancy between your expectations how things and people in situations in
places should be and how they are very frustrating and you can notice that
people who are very deeply trapped in those patterns very frequently used a
little word should both apply to others and even to themselves should have
should should not should not have ants
he shouldn't have said that he should have thanked me
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Eckhart Tolle explains How to deal with Difficult People Successfully

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