You're Not Edgy, You're Just Lazy

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(upbeat jingle)
- So, yeah, I guess I'm just a single lawyer
trying to make it in the big city.
Will I succeed?
Can I have it all?
I don't know.
I guess we'll just have to find out.
- Uh, tight, tight, tight.
Cool.
- Um, so what do you do again?
- Uh, I don't really liked to be tied down anywhere,
I don't even really look for gigs,
I just hate formal job searches,
you know, let them come to me.
It's more anarchist that way.
- Heh, cool.
(scratching)
Oh, something wrong?
- No, I'm just itching.
- Oh, my sister had that and it ended up
being something with her shampoo.
- Oh, no, that never really happened for me.
- Sham...poo... never happened?
- Yeah, I just don't like society telling me
to wash my hair, or not have lice.
Let my hair do what it wants, alright?
It's more anarchist that way.
- (laughter) Hmm.
- Sup?
- Forgive me, Fin, it just seems like all these things
are less anarchist and more
adult responsibilities you don't want to do.
- System getting into your head, comrade, alright?
It's the invisible hand of the market
reaching into your brains and telling you how to think
or not to steal cutlery.
- Why are you taking the cutlery?
- You should always steal.
Otherwise you're paying rent at corporate America.
We own the source material, we own the labor,
we're the people, let's take back what ours!
I could actually use one of these.
- What source material?
What do you own?
How is buying something like paying rent?
- I wouldn't know, I don't do it.
- You don't pay rent.
- Rent is systemic noise, alright, and who can remember
that first of the month stuff anyway?
- Rent is a standard part of adulthood,
it sounds just like you're just forgetting.
- How can you forget, when I don't even check my mail.
- You don't check your mail.
- It's invisible labor.
I don't jive with that.
- What are you even talking about?
So far, you have cited both socialism and anarchism
as a basis for your beliefs,
which are insanely different!
Which leads me even more to believe
that you are just retroactively coming up
with philosophies as a justification
for not being a real adult.
- No way.
Do you have any papes?
- No, I don't have any papes.
- This fucking system, this god damn system
is always bringing me down.
- Not having "papes" is not the system!
It's your forgetting to buy them.
Why do you have to turn every stupid thing
you refuse to do into something political?
- (chuckles) Ugh.
- What?
- No, you mentioned politics and that's,
I don't know, funny to me.
- Why?
- How do I explain this?
Uh, politics are so common, so blah, I don't engage.
- Do you vote?
- No.
Burn it all down, comrade.
- Are you a socialist or anarchist?
- Whoa, don't be so fascist.
That's very not anarchist.
- Okay, you do not wash your hair,
you do not pay rent,
you are not some alternative.
You are just some lazy boy pretending
to be an intellectual!
- Whoa. (dreamy instrumental music)
Maybe you're right.
Maybe this is all a facade.
Maybe I am trying to escape responsibility.
Maybe I am just a privileged, lazy idiot.
(sighs)
- Hi, whenever you're ready.
- Thanks.
- Well, do you want to split this?
- Oh, I didn't bring a wallet,
I hate capitalism.
(electronic music)
- [Woman] I'm going to find the waitress.
- Cool, did you tip because they don't get good wages here.
- [Woman] Mhm, yep!
- How much, 20%?
- [Woman] Mhm.
- Okay, I hope so.
- Hi, I'm Rekha from College Humor.
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and thank you so much for watching.
I love my job and I'm definitely not trapped in this video.
(breath exhaling)
(squeaky sounds)
Things are great!

You're Not Edgy, You're Just Lazy

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