Jimmy Kimmel Accepts Ted Cruz’s Challenge

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[ LAUGHTER ]
HE KNOWS CAVS IS SHORT FOR
CAVALIERS, NOT THE BODY PART?
I GOT AN INTERESTING
BASKETBALL-RELATED INVITATION
FROM NONE OTHER THAN TED CRUZ.
TED CRUZ, THE GUY WHO ONCE
CALLED THE HOOP THE BASKETBALL
RING ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL.
TUESDAY NIGHT I MADE MENTION OF
THE FACT THAT TED CRUZ WAS AT
GAME SEVEN BETWEEN THE ROCKETS
AND THE WARRIORS IN HOUSTON.
HE TWEETED A PHOTO OF HIMSELF
FROM THE GAME, AND I NOTICED
THAT HE LOOKED LIKE A BLOBFISH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO APPARENTLY TED GOT WIND OF
THIS AND LAST NIGHT HE TWEETED,
JIMMY KIMMEL, ALL RIGHT BIG GUY,
YOU TALK A GOOD GAME, YOU
BESMIRCHED MY SUPPORT FOR THE
HOUSTON -- BESMIRCH.
HE REALLY KNOWS HIS WAY AROUND A
DISH TRACK, THIS TED.
LET'S SETTLE THIS MAN TO MAN,
ONE ON ONE, HOOPS OR RING BALL
IF YOU PREFER, THE LOSER GIVES
$5,000 TO THE NONPOLITICAL
CHARITY OF THE WINNER'S CHOICE.
I IMMEDIATELY WENT ONLINE AND
GOOGLED "HOW TO GUARD A
BLOBFISH."
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEN I WENT ON TWITTER AND I
WROTE BACK, I LIKE THIS IDEA,
I'LL ACCEPT ON ONE CONDITION, WE
BOTH WEAR VERY SHORT SHORTS.
WHICH WILL BE GREAT, RIGHT?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO SEE TED
CRUZ -- TED IN THOSE LITTLE '80s
LARRY BIRD SHORTS?
HE WASN'T AS ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT
THAT IDEA.
HE WROTE, AS BORAT DEMONSTRATED
CONCLUSIVELY, NOBODY WANTS TO
SEE THAT AND ABC WOULD PROBABLY
BE FINED BY THE FCC.
HOW ABOUT THIS YOU DRESS
YOURSELF, I'LL DO THE SAME, PLAY
TO 10, BY ONES, WIN BY TWO.
TO TRY AGAIN I WROTE, CROP TOPS?
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT DIDN'T FLY EITHER.
HE WROTE, JIMMY KIMMEL, NEVER
MIND THE DRESS CODE.
NOW I'M ANNOYING HIM.
WE CAN PLAY TO 10 OR 21 OR 50,
YOUR CHOICE, ADAM CAROLLA CAN
PROVIDE COLOR COMMENTARY.
IF WE PLAYED TO 50, WE'D BOTH BE
DEAD BY THE END OF THE GAME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MAYBE THAT'S THE WAY TO GO,
SACRIFICE MYSELF FOR THE GOOD OF
THE LAND.
THIS COULD BE A REAL THING.
WHY HE WANTS TO DO THIS I HAVE
NO IDEA.
YOU REALLY WANT TO PLAY
BASKETBALL AGAINST A TALK SHOW
HOST?
YOU ALREADY LOST AN ELECTION TO
A REALITY SHOW HOST, ISN'T THAT
ENOUGH?
[ LAUGHTER AND GROANS ]
IF HE WANTS TO DO IT, I FEEL
THAT I HAVE TO DO IT, RIGHT?
BESIDES, WHO NEEDS TO WATCH
LeBRON AND KEVIN DURANT AGAIN
WHEN WE CAN INSTEAD FOCUS ON TWO
OUT OF SHAPE WHITE MEN IN THEIR
50s WITH LITTLE TO NO ATHLETIC
ABILITY INSTEAD?
[ LAUGHTER ]
YES, TED CRUZ, I DO ACCEPT YOUR
CHALLENGE.
I WILL PLAY YOU ONE ON ONE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I WILL NOT UNDERESTIMATE YOU.
I KNOW YOU RUN SOME KIND OF
BASKETBALL LEAGUE FOR SENATORS,
YOU PROBABLY THINK YOU'RE GOOD.
I KNOW YOU PLAYED BASKETBALL
WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER.
I SAW THE PICTURE IN YOUR HIGH
SCHOOL YEARBOOK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I WILL WARN YOU OF WHAT
HAPPENED THE LAST TIME SOMEONE
CHALLENGED ME TO PLAY ONE ON
ONE.
>> ALL RIGHT, YOU READY?
HERE WE GO.
>> PUT IT THIS WAY, IF HE SCORES
ON ME, I'LL COME ON HIS SHOW
BUCK NAKED.
>> LOOK AT THAT HOW ABOUT THAT!
>> Jimmy: SENATOR, I PLAYED
AGAINST SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
I KNOW SHAQ.
SHAQ IS A FRIEND OF MINE.
AND YOU, SENATOR CRUZ, ARE NO
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
GOT TO FIGURE OUT THE DETAILS.
MAYBE WE SHOULD DO THIS THE
MONDAY BEFORE THE MIDTERMS.
IT WOULD BE FUN TO SEE HIM LOSE
TWICE IN ONE WEEK, RIGHT?
[ AUDIENCE GROANING ]
GUILLERMO, WE'RE DOING TWO A
DAYS EVERY DAY STARTING THIS
WEEKEND, YOU BE READY.
>> Guillermo: I'M READY, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.

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Jimmy Kimmel Accepts Ted Cruz’s Challenge

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