Colbert Gives Mike Lee The Mike Lee Treatment

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>> Stephen: BUT TRUMP IS NOT THE ONLY REPUBLICAN SPEAKING OUT
AGAINST THE GREEN NEW DEAL.
SO IS UTAH SENATOR AND DRIVER'S ED TEACHER WHO'S ABOUT TO BECOME
YOUR STEPDAD, MIKE LEE.
YESTERDAY, DURING A DEBATE ON THE GREEN NEW DEAL, LEE OFFERED
A NOVEL SOLUTION TO GLOBAL WARMING.
>> MR. PRESIDENT, THIS IS THE REAL SOLUTION TO CLIMATE CHANGE:
BABIES.
THE SOLUTION TO SO MANY OF OUR PROBLEMS AT ALL TIMES AND IN ALL
PLACES IS TO FALL IN LOVE, GET MARRIED, AND HAVE SOME KIDS.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I LIKE BABIES.
I LIKE BABIES.
I'VE MADE BABIES.
SOME OF MY BIT OF FRIENDS WERE ONCE BABIES.
BUT GETTING MARRIED AND MAKING BABY SAYS SOLUTION TO ALL OUR
PROBLEMS AT ALL TIMES AND IN ALL PLACES?
(AS CAR MECHANIC) : "WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE, MR. JONES, YOUR TRANSMISSION IS SHOT.
IT'S GOING TO COST YOU $800 FOR ME TO FIX IT, OR YOU COULD MAKE
AN HONEST WOMAN OUT OF BETHANY.
SHE LOOKS FERTILE.
YEAH, YEAH, I'D DO IT."
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )
I DO LIKE BABIES.
I LOVE BABIES.
BUT LEE'S JUSTIFICATION FOR HIS BABY THEORY MADE MUCH MORE
SENSE...
TO NO ONE.
>> PROBLEMS OF HUMAN IMAGINATION ARE NOT SOLVED BY MORE LAWS.
THEY'RE SOLVED BY MORE HUMANS.
MORE BABIES WILL MEAN MORE FORWARD-LOOKING ADULTS, THE SORT
WE NEED TO TACKLE LONG-TERM, LARGE-SCALE PROBLEMS.
>> Stephen: YES, WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING NOW TO SOLVE THE
LONG-SCALE PROBLEMS OUR KIDS WILL BE FACING LATER.
FIRST, WE HAVE TO HAVE THE KIDS SO THERE WILL BE SOMEONE TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT THOSE PROBLEMS.
AND, YES, YES, YES, WE'RE KICKING THE CAN DOWN THE ROAD,
WHICH IS TECHNICALLY LITTER, BUT LITTER IS A PROBLEM THEY'LL HAVE
TO SOLVE.
POINT IS, GET IT ON, AND I MEAN RAW DOG, BECAUSE WE'RE NOT DOING
JACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS.
LEE CONTINUED: >> AMERICAN BABIES, IN
PARTICULAR, ARE LIKELY GOING TO BE WEALTHIER, BETTER EDUCATED.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
I'M NOT SO SURE THEY'RE BETTER EDUCATED.
HAVE YOU SEEN FORMER AMERICAN BABY MIKE LEE?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LEE'S SPEECH WAS INSPIRING IN
ONE WAY.
ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ TWEETED ABOUT LEE, "IF THIS GUY CAN BE
SENATOR, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH!
DAMN.
DAMN!
MAYBE IT'S GOOD THAT SEA LEVELS ARE RISING, BECAUSE MIKE LEE'S
GONNA NEED SOME WATER FOR THAT BURN.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THAT BABY PICTURE WASN'T
LEE'S ONLY TOOL OF TAXPAYER-FUNDED PROP COMEDY.
>> THIS IS, OF COURSE, A PICTURE OF FORMER PRESIDENT RONALD
REAGAN NATURALLY FIRING A MACHINE GUN WHILE RIDING ON THE
BACK OF A DINOSAUR.
IN A FUTURE WITHOUT AIR TRAVEL, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET
AROUND THE VAST EXPANSES OF, SAY, ALASKA DURING THE WINTER?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU HOW: TAUNTAUNS, MR. PRESIDENT.
ALL RESIDENTS OF HAWAII WOULD BE LEFT WITH IS THIS.
>> Stephen: A VERY INNOVATIVE USE OF VISUAL AIDS FROM POP
CULTURE AND SCIENCE FICTION.
IN FACT, IT'S INSPIRED ME.
BRING IT ON OUT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SENATOR LEE, YOU'RE THE MOST
EMBARRASSING PART OF A STORIED AMERICAN INSTITUTION.
YOU, SIR, ARE THE SENATE JAR-JAR SPHINX OF THE SENATE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHEN I HEAR YOU TALK, I CAN ONLY
SAY "MAMA MIA 2, HERE WE GO AGAIN."
AND FINALLY, SIR, OF COURSE, MR. BACK OF A
GIANT SLOTH.
WHY?
WHY, YOU ASK?
BECAUSE MY GRAPHICS TEAM GOT HIGH.

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Colbert Gives Mike Lee The Mike Lee Treatment

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