The NVC 4 steps made simple

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I love the NVC model because it's super simple and clear and I love
clarity, I love simplicity. If you use the four steps of this model, it's more
likely that you will create connection with other people and with yourself.
So you use this model when you want to express yourself but also when you're
listening to someone else or when you're listening to yourself; like in a way
we're also talking to ourselves, right? And you can do that also with the four
steps of NVC. In this video I'll show you how I use the NVC model to express myself.
So say that my thought is that someone in a group that I'm in is
dominant, but I'm afraid that if I say to this other person: you're kind of
dominant and I don't like it, that that won't really create a connection. So I'll
go through the four steps to make a nonviolent communication message of this
and in each step I will refer to other videos in case you want to know more
about the particular step. The first step is that I create an observation.
An observation is a neutral way to describe what happened, what the other person did
or what I did. In this case we're talking about another person, right? And so I have
to connect with myself, to think like, okay, what is it that they did?
It could be, in my case, when I say someone's dominant, that the
observation is: hey, during the meeting a few times she started to speak when
someone else was speaking. To create an observation is quite an art in itself so
I dedicated a separate video to it that you can find up here, if you click the
link up here. The second step is to share my feeling and I feel kind of worried
that some people didn't get a chance to express themselves and to really get
heard as well. In order to be sure that you're not using what nonviolent
communication calles pseudo feelings, I created a video about that again, so you
can find it up here. I guess I have a need for all people of the group to be
taken into account, a need for care and maybe also for
variety in a sense of hearing several people express themselves. You can find
your NVC need by checking my need card, an overview of all the needs that
human beings can have. You can download that
card for free if you click the link up here. Step four is to make a request to
the other person, based on your need. There's two kinds of requests. The first
one, the first option let's say, is a connection request: How is this for you to
hear? And the second option is to do an action request, that could sound like this:
so I was wondering in our meeting of tomorrow, can we do something that each
person gets five minutes to share, like we do kind of a round and we do like
silent listening to this person. How would that be for you? If you want to
make sure that your request doesn't create pressure in the other person to
say yes to your request, I have a video again about that, find the link up here. So
when you express yourself, the kind of classical order of the NVC steps would
be to go from step one to four, so I start with the observation and I share
my feeling and I share my need and then my request. But I already mentioned
that you can use the steps also to connect with yourself. And if you're
preparing a talk and kind of want to connect with yourself to see: what is
actually my need and what is actually going on? It might be that you wanna - or
it's more helpful I think to - start with where you are, which is usually not in
the observation in step one but usually you notice something's going on because
you have a certain feeling, so you might actually start with step two, with the
feeling and then go to the observation and then go to the need and the
request. Or you might have a certain thought, you might notice you have
thoughts or judgments about someone and you might go to the feeling and then to
the observation and then to the need and a request for yourself.
So whatever order you use, it doesn't really matter when you're trying to
connect with yourself. You really want to just kind of organically follow your
flow, either process that's going on. The thought is not in the four steps by the
way, because it's not very connecting to share. So the four steps are really about
creating connections, so you leave the thought out when you express
yourself. So if you want to express something to someone at this moment,
there's something going on in you and you want to say to someone, you can even
more prepare yourself by using my tough talk preparation sheet. You can download
that for free. If you click this link you can find it and you can prepare yourself even more properly.
So let me know underneath in the comments if my explanation was clear
to you, if you have any questions about it and let me know how you found the
video. Also if you want to stay up to date and hear when I have a new video,
make sure you subscribe and hit the notification bell so you get a
notification when I have a new video. alright see you next time. Ciao ciao.

NVC MEDITATION AND GRATITUDE PRACTICE FOR THE MORNING (20 minutes) HOW I CURED MY DEPRESSION WITH NVC (+TIPS FOR YOU) START WITH AN OBSERVATION: HOW TO CONNECT WITH ANYONE BY TURNING YOUR OPINION INTO AN OBSERVATION Nonviolent Communication for your sex life DO YOU OVER-EMPATHIZE? 5 TIPS FOR NVC STUDENTS TO PREVENT THIS NVC CHECK-IN FOR CONNECTION (WITH DEMO) How to fall back in love with someone with Nonviolent Communication HELP I CAN'T FIND MY NVC NEED! Saying what you don't like - quick NVC tip Cup of Empathy ~ Marianne van Dijk

The NVC 4 steps made simple

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